No food + Jack Daniels + No Company = 1 Stupid, Silly Woman

Okay, it all started with "just one" Saturday afternoon drink. I had big plans to clean my apartment before I watched the football game. It didn't exactly work out that way. Earlier in the day, Stalker and I had spoken on the phone and made tentative plans for him to come over and watch the game with me, because our favorite teams were playing against one another.* About halfway through that first Jack and Diet Coke, Stalker called me again. He said, "Come to Kroger." My reply was "Why?" To which he answered, "So you can meet me there." He then went on to tell me that he didn't think he would make it back my way later in the evening. He said he would probably just hang out at his folks' house, because his mother has been sick...yada yada yada. So I asked again why he wanted to have a Kroger date. He said he wanted to see my face. I told him that I'm sure we will be able to hang out in the next couple days. His response? "So you would rather have no time at all than just a little bit of time to see each other?" I then told him, "I would rather you make time for me and make plans with me, instead of fitting me into your busy schedule for a minute here and there." He said he understood, and then the conversation turned to chit-chat while I poured my second Jack and Diet Coke. His phone began to break up, and he told me the battery was dying. And he was right, because about two minutes later, I lost the call. After approximately 20-30 minutes after that, I received a text from Stalker:

Stalker: :( me phone died. It was nice chatting with you and hearing your voice. ;) i'll contact you later
Me: I figured. :-( My voice is good enough for you?

I got no reply, and I poured a third JD and Diet Coke. My BFF, Angel and Demon had called me the night before, and I missed it. So she was the lucky recipient of a drunk dial from me. Now, this woman is my oldest and dearest friend; she is my sister...the one who knows me better than I know myself. She even posted about me here.

She listened to my drunken babble about work, life, Stalker, and other random shit I'm sure I've forgotten already. To sum it all up, she said "You are falling for (Stalker), and you need to tell him." I interjected and explained that I can't because I knew his "situation" when I agreed to sleeping with him. I expected to be a cougar on the prowl and make him my prey. She said, "I know, but you are going to have to let the wall down and take a chance. He obviously feels something for you too, if he wants to see you for a few minutes to see your face and hear your voice." I get what she is saying. There is definite chemistry there, but no matter what his feelings are for me, they will always be stronger for "her". They have a history and a life together I could never compete with or expect him to just give up and take a chance on me.

While I chatted with my BFF, I'm sure I poured a fourth and a fifth JD and Diet. By this time, the game was on, my team was losing, and my apartment was still filthy! I looked at my FB profile, where I had updated my status to say "(SaneAndSingle) deserves so much more." Stalker had clicked the "like" button! I wonder if he realized that I was talking about him?! I pointed this out to my BFF, and she just said, "He realizes what a good person you are and knows you need more." Again, I understand where she is coming from, but I just enjoy my times with Stalker so much that I don't want to mess it up in any way. I don't want to push him away or scare or make him think he is going to hurt me. I just want it to last for as long as it can. Sigh...after that, the BFF filled me in on her daily drama too. You know we all have it! :-)

When I realized that Stalker's team was demolishing mine, I sent a text:

Me: Can't believe you've had nothing smart to say! Guess you really are busy... :-(


Yeah, I had reached pathetic, sad drunkenness...never had dinner. I don't advise having a date with Jack Daniels unless said date includes a meal. Anyway, Angel and Demon made the mistake of letting me off the phone, only to have yet another JD and Diet. An hour after that last unanswered text, I sent this:

Me: So (Angel and Demon) says I'm falling for you. Have a good night.

Yep, now I'm mushy-I-wanna-express-my-deep-feelings drunk! No worries...I soon became angry drunk! This is the text from angry drunk Not-so-SaneAndSingle:

Me: Ok well fuck you too...and good night.


I immediately thought "Oh shit!" and regretted it, so:

Me: I'm sorry. That was uncalled for even if you haven't responded. I'm drunk...and mad and sad and everything...

Then??? I passed out. I woke about four hours later to see the light on my BlackBerry indicating I had a message (somewhere in there I had silenced my phone). It wasn't Stalker, but some other idiot, who worthy of his own entry at a later date. So, what did I do at 3:13 AM while I'm still drunk and wanting to vomit??? Of course, I did the logical thing! I sent a text to Stalker (still in angry drunk mode, as it tends to last longer!):

Me: You didn't have to lie to me. I know you weren't just hanging out at home w/ fam. If you were, you would've sent text, called, or even come and watched game. :(


I rolled over, not realizing my phone was on silent. When I roll over again, I see the light blinking. I had a missed called and a text from Stalker.

Stalker: Sorry. My phone died. I fell asleep.
Me: Ok. Well I'm drunk and sick. Nite nite.
Stalker: :( can I spend time with you tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Call me in am. If no answer still sleep. Phone on silent to avoid other crazy ppl like me.


I haven't heard back from him as of yet. But the moral of this story??? Don't drink alone, and if you do, hide your phone from yourself!

The Stalker's Story

So you want to know more about the Stalker, huh? After meeting this scrumptious young man* over at my girlfriend's place, he found me on a popular social networking site. How, you ask? So did I! He knew my first name and my friend's first name. He later told me that he looked up my friend's profile first, because she has an unusual name. He knew I would be on her friends list. He also said he went to my employer's website to look for employees with my first name. Determined little booger, isn't he?

So began the text-affair. It went on for two days. On the third day, I asked him to tell me something funny because I had a rough day at work. Instead, he told me to come outside my apartment. Yeah! There he was! He told me he thought that a hug would be better than a funny text message. Aww...how sweet! But wait a durn minute! "How the hell did he know where I live?", I thought to myself. Hmm... So, me being me, I asked! Of course, he knew which apartment complex I live in, because my girlfriend lives in the same one**, just below his buddy who was having the cookout when we met. He said he just drove around until he saw my car. Should I be freaked or flattered? To tell the truth, I was a little of both.

Yes, before you all start calling me a cheater, he does know about MatchMan, and we have done nothing physically beyond a hug. He has a "situation" himself. Brace yourselves. He lives with his ex-girlfriend, who will be moving to another state next month. Wait! That's not all! You know I can't meet a desirable man without some kind of catch! He says that they only broke up in order "to grow as individuals". Um, excuse me, but how is that possible if they still live together? Wait!!! It gets even better!

Stalker says he and his ex may get back together officially in the next couple weeks before she moves hundreds of miles away for her new job. Is it just me, or does that sound bass-akwards? My thinking on this is, "If it ain't working while you live in the same city in the same home, how the hell will it work long distance?" I mean, even the BEST of relationships are difficult when they are long distance. And of course, I said this to him. His answer? "We will revisit it to be sure it is the right decision." I guess when you are young, dumb, and in love, you must learn the hard way. The two of them are still living together, but not "together". They have also made a deal not to become physical with other people until they know what they are doing, although they aren't having sex anymore. He claims she is afraid it will cloud her judgement about him. All too damn confusing to me...sounds like she doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him either.

Stalker and I have decided to be "just friends"..."just friends" with a whole lotta sexual tension and innuendoes bouncing in the air all around us, even through text messages. We have hung out a couple times a week since we first met. One good thing has come of it...I've developed a love of bowling. Nope, I had never bowled until two weeks ago, when he taught me! Such fun! We have a TV date tonight for True Blood.

As for MatchMan, I've told him I need a little time to think. How do you let someone go when you truly care about him, but you know he may not be the best thing for you in the long run? He has some life-restructuring to complete, and I'm not sure I have what it takes to hang in there. I'm at a point in my life that I need a man who has it together already.

*8-9 years actually!
**in a different building...it's a large complex

Have I missed the opportunity?

I finally watched Evan Almighty a few days ago. The movie wasn't one I would call a "must see", but I had nothing else to do, and it was on HBO. Something "God" (or Morgan Freeman, as I like to call him) said to Evan kinda struck home with me.

"When people pray for patience, do you think God grants them patience? Or opportunities to be patient? When people pray for courage, do you think God grants them courage? Or opportunities to be courageous? When people pray to grow closer to their family do you think God sends along warm, fuzzy feelings? Or the opportunity to spend more time with family?"

Maybe all those times I've prayed for love and happiness, God has given me the OPPORTUNITIES to love and make myself happy. And maybe, just maybe, I haven't seized those opportunities. Maybe love doesn't always come in making a ruckus with flashing lights and signs directing us toward it. Maybe sometimes love tests us before we realize it has even entered our doors, and maybe we just fail those tests. I mean, love does require patience and courage. Maybe I have neither.

The Meeting

Okay, here is the long-awaited story of the meeting with the LD Man.

I drove 9, yes NINE, hours to get to him. I checked into a hotel, because we both agreed that I would feel more comfortable staying there the first night. I freshened up and then called him. He came right over. As soon as we saw one another we hugged so tightly I could hardly breathe.

He decided he would take me out to dinner and then show me around his city. We ate at this cute little German restaurant. Although the food wasn't so good, the atmosphere and company was. After dinner, we went for a walk around the neighborhood of the restaurant. We just walked and talked. Once I was too cold to walk anymore, we got in his truck and rode around the city, while he showed me all his favorite places. Then he took me to his favorite book store, where we shared novels we had read and wanted to read.

So I spent a good 3-4 hours with LD Man before he took me back to my hotel room. Toward the end of the night, we got more and more quiet. I knew we were both exhausted, so I figured that was why.

We hugged again at the hotel. He told me to call him when I woke and we would go for breakfast and hang out some before his meeting at 11:00.* I would find something to do while he was at his meeting, and then we would get back together for more fun! That was the plan...

I woke around 7:45 and called LD Man. I got his voicemail and left a message. Once I jumped in the shower, the thought "What if he doesn't call back?" entered my mind. He finally returned my call about 30 minutes later. He told me then that he had decided to go into work to pick up something real quick and got stuck there. He would be at my hotel in about 45 minutes or so. An hour went by, and I had to check out of the hotel in a couple hours. He had a meeting in one hour. I didn't know the city at all. I called him, and he again apologized and said he was still stuck. Then he goes on to say, "Did you really think we vibed last night?" I said, "yes." He was shocked and said, "Well, I didn't." Jaw on floor...

He then proceeded to tell me that he thought if we were just casually dating, that would be cool because I'm really sexy and cool and smart...blah blah blah. BUT he is looking for his wife, and we didn't vibe like he should when he's found his wife. HUH??? Then this man had the nerve to ask me to book another night at the hotel, so we could talk about it later. Again....HUH??? He wanted me to spend MY MONEY to stay in a hotel for ANOTHER night so he could tell me again that I am not wife material. HUH???

I packed my shit up and hit the road. I told him I couldn't spend more money to be rejected again. He told me that we would always be friends.

*I knew about this meeting before I went. It was a work thing that he couldn't get out of.

Spank Me, I've Been Naughty!

After moping around the house and cursing the LD Man and his disappearing act yesterday, a couple friends took me out to dinner so we could eat and drown my sorrows in Jack Daniels. While at the sports bar, my phone rang. Guess who??? Uh huh, the LD Man. I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone, as I had just begun to smile, laugh, and stop worrying about what happened. Like I told my friend, I would rather just not hear from him again, because it makes it easier to let go.

After we finished our meal, we just had to know what he had to say for himself. As I listened to his voicemail, my jaw dropped. According to his message, his brother was shot in Iraq, and he was calling me from his parents' house (which is a couple hours away from where he lives). He apologized and told me that he swears he will make it up to me. I don't know what to think, feel, or say. He tried to call again just as we were leaving the restaurant. I still couldn't bring myself to answer. I had a sexcapade to get to anyway.

Sexcapade you ask??? Well, as any woman would do in a time of crisis, I called my girlfriend earlier that day. During our conversation, she offered up the old cliche, "The best way to get over a man is to get under another one." All it took was one impulsive text message to the FWB and we had a plan for him to meet me back at my place later that night! *hangs head in shame* I'm not longer celibate. Please spank me, I've been a naughty naughty girl. And I liked it!

My Resume

LisaQ posted her dating resume a few days ago, and I thought it would be fun make one for myself. I used the same format that she did, as all dating resumes should be uniform. I just plugged in my information! Um...we have a few things in common, Lisa!



Vitals
• Female
• 30-something
• 5’8”
• Curvy and sexy!
• Brownish-blondish hair
• Green eyes
• Caucasian (But an equal opportunity dater)
• Single, never married
• Beautiful smile
• Aquarius
• Social drinker
• Non-smoker
• Location-Durty South
• Lives alone with 2 cats (and no, I’m NOT the crazy cat lady!)

Qualifications
• Lady in the Streets, and Freak in the….well you got the point
• Honest and loyal
• Gainfully employed
• Homeowner
• Wonderful people skills
• Educated and intelligent
• Great sense of humor….I love to laugh!
• Low maintenance

Loves
• Blogging
• Writing
• Football (especially college)
• Movies & music
• Reading
• Sleeping in
• The sound of the ocean at night
• Jack Daniels (longest relationship with a man I’ve ever had!)
• Animals

Experience
I have been dating for almost 20 years now, so I have a lot of experience. I have been engaged twice during that time. During this time, I have learned what I want/need and what I do not want/need.

What I’m Looking For
I’m looking for a man who loves to laugh, even at himself sometimes! I hope to find someone who can be sweet, romantic, and fun all at once. I need a man who can also be a little dominant, as I don’t want to walk all over him. He should be goal oriented and/or established in life.

Physically, I prefer tall and thick men. I like a little something to wrap my arms around! I’m an equal opportunity dater and do not discriminate against race or religion. I prefer men within a ten year radius of my age, so I like them anywhere from mid-20’s to mid-40’s. I tend to prefer them in the 30’s though.

I am extremely sarcastic, and if you can’t hang, chances are I won’t like you too much! I have to be with someone who understands and “gets” me. If he and I can’t make one another laugh, I will get bored easily.

What I’m NOT Looking For
I’m not looking for someone who is emotionally unavailable, married, and/or enjoys playing the games of dating. I don’t care to be with a man who isn’t open and honest about his life and his feelings. I don’t need someone who is intimidated by a strong and intelligent woman. If he doesn’t like football, it won’t work. If he hasn’t read a book since he read Dr. Seuss with his mother, it won’t work. If he puts work before his friends and family, it won’t work. If he treats our relationship and/or emotions like he is conducting a business deal, it won’t work.

Physically, I don’t want a sloppy man. He should be clean and neat, this includes his home. Speaking of homes, he should NOT live with his Momma.

References
RG -Ex fiance
FWB-Ex something; current friend
The Engineer-ex-boyfriend; current friend
Angel and Demon- BFF; SaneAndSingle expert extraordinaire
MsFriendly- Best Friend; SaneAndSingle expert extraordinaire
Amy –Best Friend; SaneAndSingle expert extraordinaire

Interested parties may email SaneAndSingle at SaneAndSingle[at]gmail[dot]com

One Is The Loneliest Number

One of my coworkers had a little soiree at his place last night. I did attend. When I first arrived, I knew no one. Oh, I forgot to mention that this guy is a FULL DECADE younger than I am. He invited many of his personal friends along with several of our coworkers. I figured most of his friends would be around his age. Since I knew my coworkers would be there, I wasn't sweating the age thing.

When I first arrived, it was just the young coworker, his friends, and their girlfriends. Ugh....really?? So even the youngins have coupled up? My coworker, who is 10 years my junior, already owns a lovely home with his girlfriend. So I sat and watched the young guys play Rockband while their girlfriends chatted with one another and looked at the latest IKEA catalog. A little part of me was uncomfortable because I knew absolutely no one there except my coworker. Another part of me was jealous that these people 10 years younger than I am had found "the one". While yet another small part of me was relieved that I hadn't spent the last ten years chatting with boring little girls while my man played video games with his buddies. I mean these girls took no part in any of the guys' interests. The guys also played a game called Cornhole, a beanbag toss game which has rules that I'm not sure about. Of course, the girlfriends took no part in it. Why be with someone if you have NONE of the same interests? The girls and the guys seemed to have absolutely nothing in common! I don't understand...maybe that's why I'm single. I want to share interests with my significant other.

Then it was time to watch football! I was all down for that! I'm a huge college football fan. Apparently, these young girls did not share that interest with me. During the game, they got bored and went into the bedroom to watch Made of Honor! How stereotypically girly! LOL So I was left with the "men", watching football. Oh yeah, a couple of my coworkers finally arrived about 3 hours after I did!! *Sigh of relief* But wait!! Their husbands were with them!! I can't catch a break! I was still the ONLY single person in sight! At a party of many, many people of varying ages!

But really, if being a part of a couple means I have to pretend not to have my interests or to be interested in ONLY things he wants to do, I don't think I can do it.

Married With Children

So the new guy...we will call him MWC (Married With Children) is still married! OMG! Really?? He and I were texting back and forth, and he finally admitted to me that his divorce isn't final. According to his profile, he is divorced. According to his profile, he has two kids. All that I'm cool with....but...SEPARATED?? Nah, I don't think I can roll like that! At first, I thought I could be okay with casual hanging out and becoming friends. But when did it began to feel sordid? When he asked me to call him but block my number first...that's when! I asked him why I had to block my number, and he told me that his lawyer advised him to do so. Something just didn't feel right about it. I know it's best to be cautious when in the midst of a divorce, but why not wait until the divorce is complete before dating?

MWC told me he would text or call me when his kids were in bed, and then we could meet for a drink. It worked out well for both of us, because I could still watch my football game! I agreed even though I wasn't feeling right about it all. I think my gut was right, because he never did call or text. I'm pretty sure that MWC is still living with the family. Now I'm not saying they aren't getting a divorce, but I'm not so sure that they are too far into the process!

Sickness, Cabin Fever, and Loneliness

My doctor won't let me go to work for the rest of the week. Yesterday I awoke to a small campfire in my throat! Oh the pain! I managed to crawl out of bed and get ready for work. While driving to work in a torrential downpour, I realized just how badly I felt. As soon as I got into my office, I called and made a doctor's appointment for a couple hours later. I left work early to find out that I have some sort of infection similar to strep. My doctor laughed when I mentioned work. He said, "Haha, you aren't going there until next week!" So I'm stuck at home, miserable. I have very little food and drink. Damn, this is when a husband or boyfriend would come in handy. But nooooo, I have to actually take care of myself! *Off to pout now*

Why?

Way back when, while I was in grad school, I worked with this guy. We broke our own rules and had a little fling. He was a few years younger than I, but we had a good time together. I'm not really sure what exactly brought it to an end. It was never a deep, meaningful relationship though.

Fast forward about seven years....I got a friend request on one of those social utility web sites from the man who disappeared! We chit-chatted through email and such occasionally. We learned that we both moved to new cities and now live about 350 miles apart. We spoke rarely for about a year, only when one of us would say hello on the social utility site. Eventually, we began to talk on the phone, and soon it became a daily appointment.

We arranged a trip for him to come visit me for a long weekend. We had what I thought was a good time. He was as attractive and sweet as ever. It was like old times. We went to an amusement park, had dinner with friends, cuddled while watching movies. The last day of his visit, I felt as if he was more distant and less affectionate. Silly me...I thought communication was best and asked if he had lost interest or something (not exactly in those words). He got pissed! We had a little tiff, but we made up (hehe). I thought we were cool when I dropped him off at the airport. After that, he didn't call me for weeks. He ignored any messages I left, except one. He sent me a text message saying that I made him feel like "shit". Huh????

Fast forward five months....he is calling again. Calling like nothing ever happened...no mention of the past. Why?

I can do it!!!

I'm sticking to my guns! That's right...I STILL haven't had sex! It has been just over 2 months since I last had sex. I've gotten over the sex-craze hump, so to speak. I don't think about it nonstop anymore. As a matter of fact, I rarely think of it at all. Is that normal? I think it helps that I haven't really been dating either. I've been concentrating more on myself rather than trying to hook up with someone.

I have been talking to a man I met on a dating website almost 2 months ago though. We haven't met live and in person yet, due to the distance (about 500-600 miles!), but we do plan to eventually. Maybe it's my blossoming interest in getting to know him that has blocked my sexual appetite for anyone local. I never thought I would ever consider doing a long distance thing with ANYONE, but something is different about this guy. I can't really put my finger on it, but it is. Is that crazy?

Mamma Mia!

I went to see Mamma Mia! tonight with one of my girlfriends and my gay boyfriend. The movie was fun (with the exception of Pierce's singing!), but it made me sad and lonely. So much of it was about undying love, and it made me want to gag. My friends, I do believe I've lost hope. And that is the saddest part of it all. :(

Hopes

No matter how much and how often I tell myself not to get my hopes up, it seems to happen anyway. Even when you think you've played the game with caution and not gotten too involved, it still hurts when he lets you down. I'm not really sure how much more disappointment I can take.

The Third and Final Chapter of the FWB

After my drunken fit on the phone with the FWB, he told me he understood and that he would try harder, that he wanted to be there for me, and see what we could have together. Um...yeah. That lasted all of about 3 weeks.

He finally called me one night and told me that he didn't think he could give me what I wanted or deserved. He wasn't "in a place in life" to allow him to have a relationship. Um...yeah...think I had figured that out already!

We didn't talk too much and didn't see one another for a about a month. Then one day he sent me a text, saying hello and that he missed me. Ugh...I fell for it. Of course, he still couldn't handle a relationship. So there's the story of the FWB. We continued to have sensational sexual relations for the next 4-5 months. It went no where. It got old. I'm too old for this. I need more of a connection. He still says hi occasionally, hoping for some ass. *sigh* This is why I'm not trying on the celibacy thing for a fit.

FWB...Chapter 2

So the FWB and I tried to date. We really did. We are both very busy professionals, and often our schedules conflicted. Every time we tried to plan a date, it was postponed or canceled altogether. Obviously if two people who are animalistically attracted to one another can't get together before 11:00 PM, guess what becomes the focal point of that relationship??? Yep, good old fashioned, sweaty, hot, freaky, screaming for our Savior SEX!! Mmmm mmmm good...

I was hooked! Then one day, after a couple months, it happened. He was to be at my place about 9:30 one Wednesday night. I was showered, shaved, groomed in all the right places, and smelling sweet by 9:00 PM. Ten o'clock rolled around, and I hadn't heard from him yet. I called....voicemail. I texted....no response! This man finally called me back around 11:30 PM, saying " Do you still want me to come over? I fell asleep and just woke up." Oh wow...I felt so warm and fuzzy...NOT!! I was nice and told him to get some rest, and we would reschedule for the weekend or something.

Weeks go by and we continue "dating" (ahem...fucking), although not nearly as often as I would have liked. I have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy....I want it often...as often as I can get it. We discussed the frequency of our "dates", and he agreed to "date" me more often. And then it happened...again....except this time? He fucking just FORGOT about our "date." That hurt...

A few days later, after a bottle of Shiraz, I cursed, screamed, and cried into the phone at him, expressing my hurt and anger over him forgetting about me and the fact that all we did was fuck....no real dates...just fucking! I wanted...I needed more.

FWB...how it came to be...Chapter I

The FWB*...he began as a crush...

The FWB* and I met at orientation for my last job. Well I say met, but really I just watched him from across the room. He was sooo ridiculously cute with his wittle baby face and smile that made me melt. For the entire 4 days, I tried to find the right opportunity to approach him...hell, a REASON to approach him. Even though I seem like a loud-mouth, I am actually rather shy when it comes to boys! hehe

It turns out that he would be working upstairs from me, so there was no rush. But what did I do?? I stalked him. Yep. I MySpace-stalked the guy! Once I found out his name, I looked him up on MySpace....lo and behold! There my cutie was! So I added him as a friend. He then responded with a flirty little message. We had a MySpace relationship for a few weeks, and finally! he asked for my phone number. Things moved quickly from there, and we made plans to do dinner and a movie one Friday night after work. Of course, if you know me, you know that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong! And accordingly, FWB* had to work late and had to reschedule for Sunday night. Sunday night rolled around, and he was late coming back into town (weekend trip) and rescheduled again. This was not looking good, my friends...

By the time we could actually find a mutually good time to meet, we decided to just rent a DVD. And well...we didn't exactly "watch" it! There was no question about the physical chemistry between us. Like a magnet to steel, he was to me. However, we didn't "seal the deal" that first night, but the second time he came over....WOW! BEST. DICK. EVER. I fell...hard...fast!


*Name withheld to protect fantabulous (possibly magical) dick.

Wish me Luck...

So I've decided that I need to clear my head. I'm taking this class that is soon to end...thank God!! I'm also looking for a job (ahem...so if you know anybody in the legal field, get at me!). These two things have kept me in a haze.

I want sex....but I don't want sex with just anybody. And there is nobody in my life that isn't just anybody. You following me? I'm thinking I need a real connection with someone. It's been too long. I'm lonely. I'm horny.

So yeah, I'm thinking I'm entering into a self-imposed celibacy phase. Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense, even though it does to me.

Then what?

I sent a text to a man I've only spoken to a couple of times. I asked him if he wanted to meet for a drink tomorrow night. He responded with, "Then what?" All I could say back is, "Wow." The fucker then had the nerve to send me another text a few minutes later that went a lil something like this:

"Don't be mad at me, but I'm not sure who this is. Could you refresh my memory?"

Sigh...

Period panties??

I met a new man on a dating website a couple weeks ago. We spoke on the phone daily, complete with "Good morning sweetie" text messages (from him to me). Unfortunately (or fortunately), he isn't a local man, so we had to postpone a meeting until both our schedules permitted. He only lives a couple hours away, so he made the drive to my city on a Friday night.

He played it smart and decided to get a hotel room instead of expecting to stay at my place. I mean what if we didn't hit it off??? He wasn't gonna be hanging in my space all weekend.

So I met Steve* at his hotel, and we went to dinner from there. Things were flowing well. Steve* was tall, dark, and handsome (every girl's stereotypical dream, huh?) We laughed, we joked, we talked about the flexibility of the word "fuck"**....all over a bottle of wine and some appetizers. And yes, we ended up back at the hotel, just talking. I thought we were going to bar, but he apparently had other plans. He said he wanted to just chill and watch TV. So somewhere in the conversation, Steve* asked what kind of panties I was wearing (Exsqueeze me?). I just laughed and said, "Well a girl can't be too creative during certain times of the month!" Steve* looked like an eight year old who just had his bike stolen! He asked, "so you're on your period?" I said, "Yes." He then had the nerve to say, "Why didn't you tell me that before I drove here?" Talking about a mood killer!

* Names have been changed to protect the lustful.

**Fuck in its various forms may serve a variety of purposes and can perform as several parts of speech, such as noun, adjective, verb, etc. Not to mention is an all-time favorite of mine!

Bad Tip=Bad Birthday

Brad* took me out to dinner for my birthday. We went to a lovely little restaurant, with a vibrant atmosphere and delicious food. Oh, and the drinks...YUMMY!! We laughed, joked, and sampled one another's food through dinner. It was an all around PERFECT birthday dinner. Until....

The check came. Brad* used his cell phone calculator to determine the tip. He recalculated, and said aloud, "I guess that's right." He said 15% was around $10. When I asked the amount of the check, he told me $75, and I agreed that that sounded about right. Brad* paid with a credit card, and when he wrote $5.00 on the tip line, I thought he was joking! I mean, that was LESS THAN 10%!!! Really??!! I laughed out loud and said, "Please tell me you're going to put a 1 in front of that??" He then said he believed the service could have been better. I didn't see anything wrong with the service. His suggestion was if I felt that way, I could leave some money to add to the tip. WTF??? It was my BIRTHDAY!

*Names have been changed to protect the cheapskates.