Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

Let me start by saying that Thursday night (and Friday morning :D) was fan-fucking-tastic! I only wish that we could have more nights like that. Don’t get me wrong; I love every moment we have together. I haven’t felt this kind of chemistry and spark with any man in such a long time. And yes, you are the nicest man I know (even though I laughed it off when you said it), as bittersweet as that is!

That being said, I wish things were different. I wish there was no “situation” and that we were free to let develop whatever it is that is clearly developing between us. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case.

I know this began as a friends-with-benefits kinda thing, and I have no right to demand anything more from you. I won’t. There are some things that I would like you to know though as you make decisions in your “situation”.

1. I care about you. I know I’ve told you this before, so this isn’t news to you. And I know you also care about me, no matter what your “situation” may be. I can tell by your actions, your tenderness, the amount of time you spend with me (without sex), and the look in your eyes when you look at me.
2. I would like to be a part of your life, not a secret you keep from friends and family.
3. I love how you check on me every few hours when you know I don’t feel well and how you worry about if/what I ate that day.
4. I love how unselfish you are when it comes to “nookie time”. That “nookie time” is incredible, and I know you think so too.
5. It drives me crazy to know I take a backseat in your life whenever “she” comes around. I don’t like not hearing from you and knowing that you are with “her”. I dread your birthday and Thanksgiving, because I know you have plans with “her”.
6. Ugh. I think I want to be “her”, no matter how I try to deny it.

Again, I know I can demand nothing of you given the current “situation”. But that won’t stop me from acknowledging that we have crossed a line I don’t think either of us intended to cross. I’m enjoying this line-crossing and would like for it to continue.


P.S. I've also told you my opinion about your situation. I've told that, deep down, you know it won't work. I still hold that same opinion, regardless of any non-friendship feelings I may now have for you.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Sexy Song of the Week

Today I'm featuring remakes of sexy/romantic songs.

I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner

The remake by Mariah Carey:

I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let's talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah

Terence Trent D'Arby's Sign Your Name

And damnit...Kevin Lyttle also made this song. Unfortunately, I can't find it anywhere that I can embed it here.

Lyrics:fortunately you've got someone who relies on you
we started out as friends
but the thought of you just caves me in
the symptoms are so deep
it's so much too late to turn away
we started out as friends
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my baby
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my lady
time i'm sure will bring
disappointments in so many things
it seems to be the way
when your gambling cards on love you olay
i'd rather be in hell with you baby
then in cool heaven, it seems to be the way
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my baby
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my lady
birds never look into the sun
before the day is gone
but ohthe light shines bright
in a peacefull day,stranger blue leave us alone
we don't want to deal with you
we'll shed our stains showering
in the room that makes the rain
all alone with you,makes the butterflies in me arise
slowly we make love,and the earth rotates on our dictates
slowly we make love...............
sign your name across my heart......

Monday, October 26, 2009

Post-Drunk Text Update

After basically humiliating myself Saturday night with an assault on Stalker via text message, he still wanted to see me on Sunday! Yeah, I was surprised too! When he finally contacted me, I suggested sushi. It's his favorite...not so much mine. The least I could do is treat him to a meal he would enjoy after all that drunk-texting.

Once he got to my place, we drove up to one of his sushi spots, only to decide we were going to have Five Guys burgers instead. If there's a Five Guys near your hometown, do check it out! It is greasy and know...GOOD SHIT! After we gorged ourselves on sloppy burgers and fries, we topped it off with Rita's custard and Italian Ice. Also good shit...check it out! So we went back to my place, about five pounds heavier. The original plan included miniature golf, but I had on my gold stripper heels and poor Stalker has a little cold. We decided, since I had Blockbuster DVD's neither of us had seen, to veg on the couch with the wine we never drank last weekend. It was a nice, relaxing afternoon/evening. I fed Stalker Theraflu, so he was pretty out of it early on.

I knew Stalker had plans this evening for some boy fantasy draft something another, so I was shocked when I received a text from Stalker telling me he was in my area this evening. I was already at the bookstore and let him know this. Of course, he just had to come by to see what I wore today. Silly Stalker...

All in all, nothing has changed with Stalker. My texts didn't seem to phase him too much. He is still calling and sending texts. He was just as attentive, complimentary, affectionate, and cuddly as usual.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

No food + Jack Daniels + No Company = 1 Stupid, Silly Woman

Okay, it all started with "just one" Saturday afternoon drink. I had big plans to clean my apartment before I watched the football game. It didn't exactly work out that way. Earlier in the day, Stalker and I had spoken on the phone and made tentative plans for him to come over and watch the game with me, because our favorite teams were playing against one another.* About halfway through that first Jack and Diet Coke, Stalker called me again. He said, "Come to Kroger." My reply was "Why?" To which he answered, "So you can meet me there." He then went on to tell me that he didn't think he would make it back my way later in the evening. He said he would probably just hang out at his folks' house, because his mother has been sick...yada yada yada. So I asked again why he wanted to have a Kroger date. He said he wanted to see my face. I told him that I'm sure we will be able to hang out in the next couple days. His response? "So you would rather have no time at all than just a little bit of time to see each other?" I then told him, "I would rather you make time for me and make plans with me, instead of fitting me into your busy schedule for a minute here and there." He said he understood, and then the conversation turned to chit-chat while I poured my second Jack and Diet Coke. His phone began to break up, and he told me the battery was dying. And he was right, because about two minutes later, I lost the call. After approximately 20-30 minutes after that, I received a text from Stalker:

Stalker: :( me phone died. It was nice chatting with you and hearing your voice. ;) i'll contact you later
Me: I figured. :-( My voice is good enough for you?

I got no reply, and I poured a third JD and Diet Coke. My BFF, Angel and Demon had called me the night before, and I missed it. So she was the lucky recipient of a drunk dial from me. Now, this woman is my oldest and dearest friend; she is my sister...the one who knows me better than I know myself. She even posted about me here.

She listened to my drunken babble about work, life, Stalker, and other random shit I'm sure I've forgotten already. To sum it all up, she said "You are falling for (Stalker), and you need to tell him." I interjected and explained that I can't because I knew his "situation" when I agreed to sleeping with him. I expected to be a cougar on the prowl and make him my prey. She said, "I know, but you are going to have to let the wall down and take a chance. He obviously feels something for you too, if he wants to see you for a few minutes to see your face and hear your voice." I get what she is saying. There is definite chemistry there, but no matter what his feelings are for me, they will always be stronger for "her". They have a history and a life together I could never compete with or expect him to just give up and take a chance on me.

While I chatted with my BFF, I'm sure I poured a fourth and a fifth JD and Diet. By this time, the game was on, my team was losing, and my apartment was still filthy! I looked at my FB profile, where I had updated my status to say "(SaneAndSingle) deserves so much more." Stalker had clicked the "like" button! I wonder if he realized that I was talking about him?! I pointed this out to my BFF, and she just said, "He realizes what a good person you are and knows you need more." Again, I understand where she is coming from, but I just enjoy my times with Stalker so much that I don't want to mess it up in any way. I don't want to push him away or scare or make him think he is going to hurt me. I just want it to last for as long as it can. Sigh...after that, the BFF filled me in on her daily drama too. You know we all have it! :-)

When I realized that Stalker's team was demolishing mine, I sent a text:

Me: Can't believe you've had nothing smart to say! Guess you really are busy... :-(

Yeah, I had reached pathetic, sad drunkenness...never had dinner. I don't advise having a date with Jack Daniels unless said date includes a meal. Anyway, Angel and Demon made the mistake of letting me off the phone, only to have yet another JD and Diet. An hour after that last unanswered text, I sent this:

Me: So (Angel and Demon) says I'm falling for you. Have a good night.

Yep, now I'm mushy-I-wanna-express-my-deep-feelings drunk! No worries...I soon became angry drunk! This is the text from angry drunk Not-so-SaneAndSingle:

Me: Ok well fuck you too...and good night.

I immediately thought "Oh shit!" and regretted it, so:

Me: I'm sorry. That was uncalled for even if you haven't responded. I'm drunk...and mad and sad and everything...

Then??? I passed out. I woke about four hours later to see the light on my BlackBerry indicating I had a message (somewhere in there I had silenced my phone). It wasn't Stalker, but some other idiot, who worthy of his own entry at a later date. So, what did I do at 3:13 AM while I'm still drunk and wanting to vomit??? Of course, I did the logical thing! I sent a text to Stalker (still in angry drunk mode, as it tends to last longer!):

Me: You didn't have to lie to me. I know you weren't just hanging out at home w/ fam. If you were, you would've sent text, called, or even come and watched game. :(

I rolled over, not realizing my phone was on silent. When I roll over again, I see the light blinking. I had a missed called and a text from Stalker.

Stalker: Sorry. My phone died. I fell asleep.
Me: Ok. Well I'm drunk and sick. Nite nite.
Stalker: :( can I spend time with you tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Call me in am. If no answer still sleep. Phone on silent to avoid other crazy ppl like me.

I haven't heard back from him as of yet. But the moral of this story??? Don't drink alone, and if you do, hide your phone from yourself!

Saturday, October 24, 2009

More Gaps...Drunken Post

Yeah, it's early in the evening, but I'm already tipsy. I left a couple gaps open in my last post.

I did finally hear from Stalker last night after I posted. He sent a text that said, "I home safe" at about 9:45. Well, that was nice of him to let me know! Really, I am glad he made it back safely, but it makes me more aware of our situation. I like him...too much. But like I said, I'm going to enjoy it for what it is while it is. I know he is in a difficult situation, and I'm trying to be understanding. We have talked and texted a bit today, and I still can't seem to get enough of him.

In other news, well not so much happened a month ago! FWB came over about a month ago. I can't believe I neglected to blog about this!! He had been calling and texting for a while, telling me he wanted to try again. I tried to give him a chance one weekend, but he just disappointed me again by waiting until after midnight to call when we had plans. I, being the damn nice person that I am, gave him another chance the next weekend. He came over on a Saturday night to watch a football game. This was the first time he had been to my new place, which I've been in since January. He kept telling me that he could distract me from my favorite football team...ahem, I beg to differ. So when he got to my place, he came in, no hug or anything, sat on my couch and pulled his dick out! Oh my! Such a fucking turn off! I just said, "Please put that away, I'm trying to watch football." I mean, really, could you at least pretend you are interested in a little conversation??? During halftime, I realized I was hungry. We decided to make a run to Taco Bell. He was incredibly rude to the drive through worker. What happened to the polite man I met a couple years ago? Turn off #2! Once we got back, ate, and watched a little more of the game, this mofo had the nerve to fall asleep on my couch!! Turn off #3! I woke him at the end of the game and asked him to leave. He said, "Yeah, it doesn't look like you are as interested as you once were." And no, I'm not. He took off in the middle of the night, not to be heard from again.

Guess who I ran into today at Target? KH!! Yeah, I was looking at hair stuff, and I hear "Hey you!" from behind, only to turn and see him. Ugh. We chit-chatted about meaningless life stuff, such as football and work. He then said that he would love to get together and do something sometime. I mentioned that I was renewing my lease soon and said that I thought about asking for another apartment in the same complex. But I don't really care to pack and move again. He assured me that if I did he would actually come help me this time. KH then proceeded to apologize for his bad behavior, and explained that he was "in a bad place" mentally when we met. Who isn't "in a bad place"?? I'm so over the recycled BS.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Filling in the Gaps

I thought I would share some other random boy news with you guys...just little tidbits not necessarily worthy of whole entries.

Ex-Coworker and I are back on good terms, although it took a while after I met MatchMan. He wasn't too keen on the idea of me canceling our plans in favor of another man, but when you won't commit those are the chances you take, right? So yeah, we talk occasionally and had even started planning a weekend to meet up again. Then my grandfather passed away and kinda foiled those plans for now. It's probably for the best anyway. I'm pretty sure that's a dead-end road, as far as anything substantial. He does continue to send me interesting pics via text though.*

Oh, and dear, sweet, lovable, distant, and cocky RM. Just when I think he is gone for good, he resurfaces. A few weeks ago, I made plans for a little nookie with Stalker to take place on a hump day**. While at work that afternoon, good ol RM sent a text asking how I was doing. I told him all was well, except the stress of work. He then proceeded to ask if he could come hang out with me that night...translation..."I'm horny and want to get nekkid with you!" I told him that I had plans that night, and his response was "Cancel! The girls will understand if you stand them up for a good dick down!" Oh my...I literally laughed out loud when I read that! Really?? If only he knew that I was turning him down for a better-bodied, better-dicked, 10-year his junior sexy thang! It truly amazes me just how good he thinks he has it. I mean the sex was good, but his attitude and conceit kills it all.

RM contacted me again*** just after I returned from my grandfather's funeral and told me he was there if I need him. For some reason, I doubt that. Fast-forward to today...I received a text from RM, and then the following conversation took place.

RM: Thinkin bout u. Sayin hello! Make a great Fri...
Me: Hello to you too! How are you?
RM: Hangin...been better but its fri. U?
Me: I'm living...
RM: Smile while u do it! U need help smiling....I will try
Me: Just what are you proposing?
RM: Nothin particular. Just offering to make u smile!
Me: Uh huh...I'm sure you had something in mind...
RM: Actually not this time. Concerned bout u. Know u having rough time w/grandfather death
Me: Yeah. Work has been rough too. What do you have going on this weekend?
RM: Fall fest tonight. Game tomorrow. Football banquet sunday. Nxt wkend Im free though.
Me: What is fall fest? Have 2 halloween parties next week if you wanna put on your costume!
RM: School fall festival. Trick or treat
Me: Guess that means you don't wanna put on your costume?
RM: Nooo thx. lol
Me: Well I invited you to parties. Doubt I'll dress up myself.
RM: Golf nxt sat am. Parties when?
Me: Sat nite
RM: Well we do fri nite. lol
Me: Don't worry about it.
RM: U dont want to get together fri nite?
Me: Well I did ask you to halloween parties
RM: Dont do halloween...not my thang. Sorry
Me: Not about halloween...about hanging out together...what I would like to do. You know friends are supportive like that...
RM: True so fri nite
Me: No. I just said I would like you to go to parties with me. That is what I would like. But you are too selfish just to give a little I guess.
RM: Not selfish. I dont do halloween & wouldnt have a good time. Just honest
Me: Sure u r. Everything always has to be on ur terms. They are just parties where ppl will be drinking and playing games. But it's cool...
RM: Wow sorry u feel that way

So yeah, what do you think about that convo?

MatchMan called and texted last week. He wanted to see me this past weekend, but I just couldn't do it. He told me he just wanted to see me, hug me, and hold my hand. I just don't feel emotionally available to him.

And you know I couldn't go without mentioning Stalker. He left yesterday, driving the U-Haul for his "ex" and her big move. I did receive a text from him..."I made it safely". I was surprised to get even that. Stalker told me on Wednesday night that he would return sometime today (Friday). I have yet to hear from him, but then I'm not surprised by that.

* oh so naughty!
** What better day for nookie??
*** Again...just when you least expect him!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

This is it!

I was looking back at some of my older entries and came across this one. This is sex with Stalker! Hehe...turns out I had the words to describe it after all!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009


I have come to the realization that while I prefer men sexually, I don't actually enjoy talking to most of them! For instance, I came into the usual bookstore haunt today after work only to find Bookstore Boy there, working on a paper. OMG! His conversations are so dry and stale, even though he is quite attractive in his own way. Thank goodness that Stalker was entertaining me via text. Yeah, I know it was rude, but I also knew that Bookstore Boy would never taste the sweetness of this cookie when I discovered he was homophobic. I mentioned my gay BFF, and I thought he was going to run out of the bookstore! He told me he could never be around me while I was with my gay BFF, and that, my dear bloggers, is a definite turn-off! Other than that, it is more like a chore than a pleasure to think of what to say to him. I mean, the conversation doesn't just flow with back and forth witty banter, like the conversations I have with Stalker. When we are around each other, it's electric*! There is an automatic smile on my face whenever he is around, and we are rarely at a loss for words, as silly as they may be at times. I forget all my worries and problems when he is around. Stalker radiates positivity in what has been a dark world lately. So whether what we are doing is right or wrong, I want it while it exists.

That electricity also makes for some of the best sex EVER!! Yeah, I said it...EVER! I can't get enough of him deep inside's slow, sensual, and dare I say it...meaningful?! Does that even make sense? I'm not even sure how to describe it...I just know that I can't get enough of it.

So back to the Bookstore Boy...he delayed my updating of this blog with his presence. I came to the bookstore just to work on the blog, and there he sat with me blog-blocking for an hour and a half. Then Stalker came by the bookstore** after Bookstore Boy left. Looks like I may have to find a new blog spot!

* Yeah, I know it's cliche!
** "to see your face and hear your voice," said Stalker

Sexy Song of the Week

This is about how I'm feeling these days. Every time I hear this song, I think of Stalker. Excuse the sound quality...

Beautiful Nightmare by Beyonce

Every night I rush to my bed
With hopes that maybe I'll get a chance to see you
When I close my eyes
I'm goin outta my head
Lost in a fairytale
Can you hold my hands and be my guide

Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
And I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby
What kinda dream is this

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain't goin no where
Baby long as you're here
I'll be floating on air cause you're my
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you

I mention you when I say my prayers
I wrap you a around all of my thoughts
Boy you my temporary high
I wish that when I wake up you're there
So wrap your arms around me for real
And tell me you'll stay by side

Clouds filled with stars cover your skies
And I hope it rains
You're the perfect lullaby
What kinda dream am is this

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain't goin no where
Baby long as you're here
I'll be floating on air cause you're my
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you

Tattoo your name across my heart
So it will remain
Not even death can make us part
What kind of dream is this?!

You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you
Sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Somebody pinch me, your loves to good to be true
My guilty pleasure I ain't goin no where
Baby long as you're here
I'll be floating on air cause you're my
You can be a sweet dream or a beautiful nightmare
Either way I, don't wanna wake up from you

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

New Prospects?

There haven't been many. I did meet a man a little over a week ago at the local bookstore that I frequent to work and write this here blog.

I had seen him there before, but I'm a little too shy to approach a man without copious amounts of alcohol running through my veins. So the second time, I saw him there, I caught him looking my way. Yep, I was in his sites! Unfortunately, he wasn't alone, and he was waaaay across the cafe. The guy sitting at his table finally made his exit. Miraculously, the table next to me became available at the very same time. Imagine that! Bookstore Boy made his way to it, and tried to start a conversation with me even though I was jamming to my iPod. Our conversation consisted of mostly small talk and silly sarcastic humor, and I had to leave soon to meet a friend for dinner. Before I packed up my belongings, Bookstore Boy slipped me his phone number on a napkin. Score!!

I waited the obligatory two days and made the initial call. He immediately asked me out for that upcoming Saturday. I told him that I may be out of town, as that was the weekend that Stalker and I were thinking about our little getaway. Of course, I didn't tell him about Stalker. We decided that we would get together on Sunday, if I got back early enough.

Soooo...when I did call on Sunday, I got his voicemail. When my girlfriend hit me up for lunch and shopping, I didn't hesitate. It's a good thing too, because Bookstore Boy didn't return my call until hours later. Again, we rescheduled for Monday evening, and I told him I would call him when I got home from work. I called. Again...voicemail. After a couple hours (around 7:30 PM), he sent me a text telling me that he was working on his paper* and he was thinking we could get together later that night. Um...later would be a little too late on a school night for a teacher! I then suggested that maybe the weekend would be a better time for us to connect, and he agreed. We had a brief phone conversation earlier this evening, and he wasn't exactly giving off the warm and fuzzy vibe. He seemed absolutely uninterested in anything I had to say, but he did explain that he had had a bad day. He did ask me when I would be at the bookstore again, but I really couldn't give an answer because my workdays are crazy. I'm beginning to wonder if Bookstore Boy is even worth the effort.

* Bookstore Boy is in school, working on his MBA.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

Addickted's not a typo! I am Stalker's body, dick, oral tricks, and sensual touch. More about all that later. Let me tell ya about the day he planned for us yesterday, since we couldn't actually make it out of town for the weekend.

He wanted to treat me to a stress relief weekend, since so much has been going on in my life, both personally and professionally, lately. It began Friday night with popcorn, candy, and wine while watching movies. Of course, sex soon followed. After a few hours of sleep, we woke at 6:00 AM and headed out of the city and into the mountains. We had a HUGE breakfast* and then went horseback riding. We took the river route, so we got to ride the horseys through the water! This was sooo exciting to me, because I had never even touched, much less straddled, a horse before. After horseback riding, we stopped for hot chocolate and started back toward the city. Once back at my place, he treated me to a full-body massage**, which led to more mind-boggling sex. At one point Stalker expressed that he had never felt anything like it. I agreed that it does get better and better each time. It's becoming like a fucking drug!

While Stalker went home for an hour or so to shower and change clothes, I rested my now well stretched and achy legs, then got in the shower and changed clothes myself. When he picked me up, we headed out to two haunted houses. It has been years since I went to a haunted house! Such fun...

Bet you can't guess how the night ended?? Uh huh...another fix for my adDICKtion...

* a restaurant/chalet that literally brings the whole breakfast buffet menu to your table!!
** Stalker was going to treat me to a real spa massage, but we couldn't get a last minute appointment.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Sexy Song of the Week

Wanted by Jessie James:

Hoo hoo hoo..

I wanna lie in my bed
And do nothing
I don’t care what anyone says
I got you on my mind
Thinking about one thing
Gonna show you how I do it best

Put my lips on your mouth
Keep you comin around
Cus I like it
Put your hands on my hips
Take me down
Sink this ship
Boy I can’t resist

I wanna wear my hair up in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And its hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

Those other guys when they call
I might answer
But you’re the one I’m thinking bout
So baby don’t disappoint
Just move faster
And show me what you’re feeling now

Put your lips on my mouth
Keep you comin around
Cus I like it
[ Jessie James Lyrics are found on ]
Nothings wrong
It’s so right
Got permission from me tonight
So turn off the lights

I wanna wear my hair up in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And it’s hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

Now I’m going crazy
I’m tired of waiting
My lips are on fire
I just want you to know
I’m losing my patience
For the time that you’ve wasted

Put your lips on my mouth
Put your lips on my mouth
Put your lips on my..

I wanna wear my hair up in a mess
Cut off jeans, can you get with that?
Give you something like you’ve never had
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you
I wanna tease you till you’re begging me
And you’re on your knees
And it’s hard to breathe
And every other time is just a memory
Cus I only wanna be wanted by you

Have I mentioned just how good sex with Stalker is? If not, it is delicioso! He was over at my place three nights straight after I returned from the funeral. I decided to give a well-deserved break for the next couple days. ;-)

Sunday, October 11, 2009

I Hate Funerals

My grandfather passed away this past week. The funeral was yesterday, and the worst part of it all?? My mom's face. I hate to see her cry. It tears me apart inside. That's all I'll write about that.

Needless to say, there has been very little to report on the dating front since my last entry. Stalker came over Thursday night to console me a little before I left to go out of town for the funeral Friday morning. He was sweet and cuddly. Nothing more. I returned home late last night, and he came over again (with a bottle of my favorite liquor in hand) to spend the night with me. Again, nothing more than cuddling. The cuddling was good though...quite enjoyable. My allergies were acting up, and he got out of bed at 3:00 AM to go to the store for medicine. See? He is thoughtful, even though he is still in "negotiations" with his ex. That makes it harder not to like him as more than a fuck buddy though. We did talk a little about his situation last night, and I think he really is confused about what he really wants. She has told him that she doesn't want a long distance relationship unless they actually plan to get married...basically an ultimatum for an engagement ring. He said he isn't ready for that yet, and that is the issue that they are dealing with. He said that they both have to make some changes if they are going to be together for a lifetime. I told him that they shouldn't have to change themselves in order to be together if they really want it. I was blunt with him and told him that if he really truly wanted to be with her, then he wouldn't have been in my bed with me. It's just the way I see it. He admitted that he does believe that they are just having a hard time letting go out of comfort. He even said that he hopes when she moves away that she will find real happiness and realize that she can indeed live without him. In the next breath, he began to plan a weekend getaway for me and him. I just have to remind myself that it is what it is and to just enjoy it for that. He did, at one point in the night, ask me, "So what am I to you?" My response..."What do you mean exactly?" He asked, "If one of your friends asked you what is going on with you and Stalker, what would you say?" All I could answer is "a friend." I'm not sure what he was fishing for.

Monday, October 5, 2009

Ain't No Sunshine...

This past weekend I watched Sunshine Cleaning. I don't know how many of you have seen it, but it left me speechless. And I'm not sure I meant that in a good way. I got it because I thought it would be a fun little dark comedy, but it wasn't. It was dark, almost too dark. Well hell, it was like real life!

These lines spoken by Rose, Amy Adams's character, hit waaaay too close to home for me... "There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me." I have expressed this thought in so many words to friends of mine, but this character summed it up quite nicely. Men rarely want to stay in the "friend zone" with me, nor are they ever "at a place in life for a relationship".* What is it about some women that makes them fall into this category? What makes us undesirable for marriage and/or long term relationships? And before you answer that it could be the way we dress or carry ourselves, please be aware that I am more conservative in my dress than most single women I know. I believe there is a way to be sexy without seeming trampy. I am not a fan of flaunting excessive skin. I don't talk dirty**, nor do I have a reputation for giving it up on the first night. I do like to have fun and laugh, trying not to pressure anyone into anything they don't want. Men have often told me I'm "like one of the guys, but sexier". Um yeah, ok...

Anywho...MatchMan is officially a thing of the past. I'm done for good. Really. Nothing new took place between us. He told me he loves me,***but he can't be the man he needs to be for me. No shit, Sherlock! I figured that out a while back! What took his slow ass so long?

As for Stalker, he is still hanging around. We like to bowl together. And yeah, the tension is gone, because I broke my promise to myself and to you guys. I gave him a taste of the cookie, and he likes it. Yeah, yeah, please no speeches. I'm very aware that it probably wasn't the best decision I've ever made, but let me say it all started with a little too much Jack Daniels in both our systems one Friday night. I was lonely...he was lonely, and now neither of us can get enough. I'm just enjoying it for what it is. Blame it on my inner Cougar.

**most of the time
***yeah, ok whatever