I Hate Funerals

My grandfather passed away this past week. The funeral was yesterday, and the worst part of it all?? My mom's face. I hate to see her cry. It tears me apart inside. That's all I'll write about that.

Needless to say, there has been very little to report on the dating front since my last entry. Stalker came over Thursday night to console me a little before I left to go out of town for the funeral Friday morning. He was sweet and cuddly. Nothing more. I returned home late last night, and he came over again (with a bottle of my favorite liquor in hand) to spend the night with me. Again, nothing more than cuddling. The cuddling was good though...quite enjoyable. My allergies were acting up, and he got out of bed at 3:00 AM to go to the store for medicine. See? He is thoughtful, even though he is still in "negotiations" with his ex. That makes it harder not to like him as more than a fuck buddy though. We did talk a little about his situation last night, and I think he really is confused about what he really wants. She has told him that she doesn't want a long distance relationship unless they actually plan to get married...basically an ultimatum for an engagement ring. He said he isn't ready for that yet, and that is the issue that they are dealing with. He said that they both have to make some changes if they are going to be together for a lifetime. I told him that they shouldn't have to change themselves in order to be together if they really want it. I was blunt with him and told him that if he really truly wanted to be with her, then he wouldn't have been in my bed with me. It's just the way I see it. He admitted that he does believe that they are just having a hard time letting go out of comfort. He even said that he hopes when she moves away that she will find real happiness and realize that she can indeed live without him. In the next breath, he began to plan a weekend getaway for me and him. I just have to remind myself that it is what it is and to just enjoy it for that. He did, at one point in the night, ask me, "So what am I to you?" My response..."What do you mean exactly?" He asked, "If one of your friends asked you what is going on with you and Stalker, what would you say?" All I could answer is "a friend." I'm not sure what he was fishing for.

Headaches

I don't usually write about anything too personal on here...well unless you count my (non)dating life!

But I just want to apologize to those for whom I usually leave comments. I've had a difficult time keeping up with blogs lately, because I have been suffering headaches...headaches that make me cry. I finally broke down and went to my doctor. He scheduled an MRI for me tomorrow, and I have the chance to become a victim of a sleep study in the next couple weeks. Yay.

Well anyway, that's why all my favorite bloggers aren't hearing from me as much as usual. It hurts to read and think sometimes.

Let's just hope it's not a tumor! (said in my best Arnold voice!) Sorry, I have to joke in order to restrain the fear. My doctor has me scared to freakin' death.

The Loss of Life

The LD Man lost one of his closest friends this past week. The guy was not very old (early 40's). He was excercising and complained of a headache. Suddenly, he was down. He suffered from an aneurysm, and was on life support for several days. This man had a wife and three kids. It's so very sad.

It has made me do a lot of thinking though. The time we have here on this earth is undetermined. How many days have we wasted stressed out, pissed off, sad, or feeling sorry for ourselves? Why do we get stuck for YEARS in careers or relationships we abhor?

Shouldn't we spend every moment we can appreciating those in our lives, enjoying the few precious moments given to us? Shouldn't we be happy with our partners? In our careers?

I've been thinking about running away from home lately! The only thing tying me down is Mr. Mortgage, and I'm thinking about breaking up with him! I want to be free to be happy and to enjoy those I care about.