Sunday, October 25, 2009

No food + Jack Daniels + No Company = 1 Stupid, Silly Woman

Okay, it all started with "just one" Saturday afternoon drink. I had big plans to clean my apartment before I watched the football game. It didn't exactly work out that way. Earlier in the day, Stalker and I had spoken on the phone and made tentative plans for him to come over and watch the game with me, because our favorite teams were playing against one another.* About halfway through that first Jack and Diet Coke, Stalker called me again. He said, "Come to Kroger." My reply was "Why?" To which he answered, "So you can meet me there." He then went on to tell me that he didn't think he would make it back my way later in the evening. He said he would probably just hang out at his folks' house, because his mother has been sick...yada yada yada. So I asked again why he wanted to have a Kroger date. He said he wanted to see my face. I told him that I'm sure we will be able to hang out in the next couple days. His response? "So you would rather have no time at all than just a little bit of time to see each other?" I then told him, "I would rather you make time for me and make plans with me, instead of fitting me into your busy schedule for a minute here and there." He said he understood, and then the conversation turned to chit-chat while I poured my second Jack and Diet Coke. His phone began to break up, and he told me the battery was dying. And he was right, because about two minutes later, I lost the call. After approximately 20-30 minutes after that, I received a text from Stalker:

Stalker: :( me phone died. It was nice chatting with you and hearing your voice. ;) i'll contact you later
Me: I figured. :-( My voice is good enough for you?

I got no reply, and I poured a third JD and Diet Coke. My BFF, Angel and Demon had called me the night before, and I missed it. So she was the lucky recipient of a drunk dial from me. Now, this woman is my oldest and dearest friend; she is my sister...the one who knows me better than I know myself. She even posted about me here.

She listened to my drunken babble about work, life, Stalker, and other random shit I'm sure I've forgotten already. To sum it all up, she said "You are falling for (Stalker), and you need to tell him." I interjected and explained that I can't because I knew his "situation" when I agreed to sleeping with him. I expected to be a cougar on the prowl and make him my prey. She said, "I know, but you are going to have to let the wall down and take a chance. He obviously feels something for you too, if he wants to see you for a few minutes to see your face and hear your voice." I get what she is saying. There is definite chemistry there, but no matter what his feelings are for me, they will always be stronger for "her". They have a history and a life together I could never compete with or expect him to just give up and take a chance on me.

While I chatted with my BFF, I'm sure I poured a fourth and a fifth JD and Diet. By this time, the game was on, my team was losing, and my apartment was still filthy! I looked at my FB profile, where I had updated my status to say "(SaneAndSingle) deserves so much more." Stalker had clicked the "like" button! I wonder if he realized that I was talking about him?! I pointed this out to my BFF, and she just said, "He realizes what a good person you are and knows you need more." Again, I understand where she is coming from, but I just enjoy my times with Stalker so much that I don't want to mess it up in any way. I don't want to push him away or scare or make him think he is going to hurt me. I just want it to last for as long as it can. Sigh...after that, the BFF filled me in on her daily drama too. You know we all have it! :-)

When I realized that Stalker's team was demolishing mine, I sent a text:

Me: Can't believe you've had nothing smart to say! Guess you really are busy... :-(

Yeah, I had reached pathetic, sad drunkenness...never had dinner. I don't advise having a date with Jack Daniels unless said date includes a meal. Anyway, Angel and Demon made the mistake of letting me off the phone, only to have yet another JD and Diet. An hour after that last unanswered text, I sent this:

Me: So (Angel and Demon) says I'm falling for you. Have a good night.

Yep, now I'm mushy-I-wanna-express-my-deep-feelings drunk! No worries...I soon became angry drunk! This is the text from angry drunk Not-so-SaneAndSingle:

Me: Ok well fuck you too...and good night.

I immediately thought "Oh shit!" and regretted it, so:

Me: I'm sorry. That was uncalled for even if you haven't responded. I'm drunk...and mad and sad and everything...

Then??? I passed out. I woke about four hours later to see the light on my BlackBerry indicating I had a message (somewhere in there I had silenced my phone). It wasn't Stalker, but some other idiot, who worthy of his own entry at a later date. So, what did I do at 3:13 AM while I'm still drunk and wanting to vomit??? Of course, I did the logical thing! I sent a text to Stalker (still in angry drunk mode, as it tends to last longer!):

Me: You didn't have to lie to me. I know you weren't just hanging out at home w/ fam. If you were, you would've sent text, called, or even come and watched game. :(

I rolled over, not realizing my phone was on silent. When I roll over again, I see the light blinking. I had a missed called and a text from Stalker.

Stalker: Sorry. My phone died. I fell asleep.
Me: Ok. Well I'm drunk and sick. Nite nite.
Stalker: :( can I spend time with you tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Call me in am. If no answer still sleep. Phone on silent to avoid other crazy ppl like me.

I haven't heard back from him as of yet. But the moral of this story??? Don't drink alone, and if you do, hide your phone from yourself!


Enigma Jones said...

Been there and done that more times than I'd like to count. I've tried hiding my phone from myself but, unfortunately, no matter how drunk I am, I'm never so drunk that I can't find it. :(

And what is it about an unresponded text that drives us crazy (drunk or sober)????

Love your blog btw...let's me know I'm not the only one.

The Angel and Demon Within said...

Here is my take on this mess: You both may have planned on this just being a F*buddy deal. However, it's very clear that you have both crossed that emotional line. I know what you are feeling even if you don't come right out and say it. As for Stalker, a man that would go to the trouble of providing that amazing weekend for you and then being so attentive with the calls, texts and just wanting to see your face and/or hear your voice is having some of those feelings too. I think he didn't expect to feel this way just like you didn't either. I think he is in a bad spot with his ex and doesn't want to hurt her. However, at some point someone is going to have to be the grown up and end it for good. I hope he isn't dumb enough to mess up things with you because of what he "use" to have with her. I wouldn't expect him to flaunt you in her face. However, doesn't she also deserve some honesty from him?

Okay, here is another point that is a concern for me. What the F is up with wanting to meet you at the grocery store? He is out running an errand so he wants to squeeze you into a few seconds of his day. Girl you are worth a hell of a lot more than a few seconds of a man's time at the dang grocery store!!! That just has a sleezy feel to it like you have to meet in dark places because you are doing something wrong. Is he really broken up with this girl? Has he told his family that it's over? Don't you dare allow him to treat you as some second class mistress. If he has such a hard time making plans then why does he always have plans when you want to make a few here and there? (the football tickets) I take that as he will make plans with others just not you. If he can't make plans with you, spend real time with you and take you around his family and friends then he isn't ready for what could be a wonderful relationship with you. I hope for your sake and his that he is able to find the balls to do what needs to be done.

The type of feelings that you are having when you are with him are so rare. I know how hard it must be for you to want to talk to him about it. I know you are scared that he will be frightend away. I know that you are afraid of not having him at all. But, once more; I am telling you that YOU are WORTH being the FULL TIME girl not some maybe if I can fit you in bitch.

Bottom line... You need to tell him how you feel, how he makes you feel, and where you would like for the relationship to go. You can explain that you will give him some time to deal with the ex in a proper way. Hey, at least he respects her enough to care; that is to be respected. However, there needs to be a time limit. You don't need to put your life on hold for him. Lastly, if you want me to I'll be glad to come up and "enlighten" him. Maybe I should sit you both in a room in chairs facing each other and be the moderator.

I love you and I'm always here for you even if you and Jack have had a long night togehter.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

FB...the best and worst thing to happen to dating.

Anonymous said...
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little miss angry said...

omg.. i cringed a few times reading this post.. the drunken text thing is always a bad idea though when you're that drunk it always seems like the best idea in the world (obviously i've been there!).

this is a bit tricky. i know how it feels to want to maintain things a certain way (refering to the cougar on the prowl bit), but sometimes these things tend to take a life of their own.

i just think that the fact that stalker still replied after all those drunken texts says something about how he feels about you. anyway, hope you'll figure this out. good luck ;)

SaneAndSingle said...

Thanks to all of you for your comments and thoughts! I do appreciate you all (esp. my BFF!).

I will let you all know that he did hold up to his plan to spend time with me yesterday, and I will blog about it more later this week. :-)

StudentOfLife said...

Here's my take...

if you are truly JUST FB's or FWB's neither of you has a right to demand anything from the other - to spend time together, ask why one didn't respond to a text, etc.; if this is developing into something more you both have to own up to it and talk about it and make sure you're on the same page.

As I've told you, my concern is that he's the relationship type - and there's nothing wrong with that (I wish more men were) and he's just lining you up to replace his ex once she's fully relocated to her new state. If this is the case, be careful and beware! Men like this are more afraid of being alone than being with the wrong woman. Basically, they're more concerned about having a body - ANY body - beside them. Be more than just a body, girl!

You know I love you and want nothing but happiness for you... just make sure you're not taking a backseat for someone because you're tired of being alone or tired of dealing with all the morons you've met. What happens if you find out he hasn't really broken up with ole girl? When do you say, "enough" and stop being the side dish?

Love you! Stay strong!

The Angel and Demon Within said...

LOL, Loved StudentofLife's post! I agree with the whole "side dish" thing.