Sunday, October 25, 2009
No food + Jack Daniels + No Company = 1 Stupid, Silly Woman
Okay, it all started with "just one" Saturday afternoon drink. I had big plans to clean my apartment before I watched the football game. It didn't exactly work out that way. Earlier in the day, Stalker and I had spoken on the phone and made tentative plans for him to come over and watch the game with me, because our favorite teams were playing against one another.* About halfway through that first Jack and Diet Coke, Stalker called me again. He said, "Come to Kroger." My reply was "Why?" To which he answered, "So you can meet me there." He then went on to tell me that he didn't think he would make it back my way later in the evening. He said he would probably just hang out at his folks' house, because his mother has been sick...yada yada yada. So I asked again why he wanted to have a Kroger date. He said he wanted to see my face. I told him that I'm sure we will be able to hang out in the next couple days. His response? "So you would rather have no time at all than just a little bit of time to see each other?" I then told him, "I would rather you make time for me and make plans with me, instead of fitting me into your busy schedule for a minute here and there." He said he understood, and then the conversation turned to chit-chat while I poured my second Jack and Diet Coke. His phone began to break up, and he told me the battery was dying. And he was right, because about two minutes later, I lost the call. After approximately 20-30 minutes after that, I received a text from Stalker:
Stalker: :( me phone died. It was nice chatting with you and hearing your voice. ;) i'll contact you later
Me: I figured. :-( My voice is good enough for you?
I got no reply, and I poured a third JD and Diet Coke. My BFF, Angel and Demon had called me the night before, and I missed it. So she was the lucky recipient of a drunk dial from me. Now, this woman is my oldest and dearest friend; she is my sister...the one who knows me better than I know myself. She even posted about me here.
She listened to my drunken babble about work, life, Stalker, and other random shit I'm sure I've forgotten already. To sum it all up, she said "You are falling for (Stalker), and you need to tell him." I interjected and explained that I can't because I knew his "situation" when I agreed to sleeping with him. I expected to be a cougar on the prowl and make him my prey. She said, "I know, but you are going to have to let the wall down and take a chance. He obviously feels something for you too, if he wants to see you for a few minutes to see your face and hear your voice." I get what she is saying. There is definite chemistry there, but no matter what his feelings are for me, they will always be stronger for "her". They have a history and a life together I could never compete with or expect him to just give up and take a chance on me.
While I chatted with my BFF, I'm sure I poured a fourth and a fifth JD and Diet. By this time, the game was on, my team was losing, and my apartment was still filthy! I looked at my FB profile, where I had updated my status to say "(SaneAndSingle) deserves so much more." Stalker had clicked the "like" button! I wonder if he realized that I was talking about him?! I pointed this out to my BFF, and she just said, "He realizes what a good person you are and knows you need more." Again, I understand where she is coming from, but I just enjoy my times with Stalker so much that I don't want to mess it up in any way. I don't want to push him away or scare or make him think he is going to hurt me. I just want it to last for as long as it can. Sigh...after that, the BFF filled me in on her daily drama too. You know we all have it! :-)
When I realized that Stalker's team was demolishing mine, I sent a text:
Me: Can't believe you've had nothing smart to say! Guess you really are busy... :-(
Yeah, I had reached pathetic, sad drunkenness...never had dinner. I don't advise having a date with Jack Daniels unless said date includes a meal. Anyway, Angel and Demon made the mistake of letting me off the phone, only to have yet another JD and Diet. An hour after that last unanswered text, I sent this:
Me: So (Angel and Demon) says I'm falling for you. Have a good night.
Yep, now I'm mushy-I-wanna-express-my-deep-feelings drunk! No worries...I soon became angry drunk! This is the text from angry drunk Not-so-SaneAndSingle:
Me: Ok well fuck you too...and good night.
I immediately thought "Oh shit!" and regretted it, so:
Me: I'm sorry. That was uncalled for even if you haven't responded. I'm drunk...and mad and sad and everything...
Then??? I passed out. I woke about four hours later to see the light on my BlackBerry indicating I had a message (somewhere in there I had silenced my phone). It wasn't Stalker, but some other idiot, who worthy of his own entry at a later date. So, what did I do at 3:13 AM while I'm still drunk and wanting to vomit??? Of course, I did the logical thing! I sent a text to Stalker (still in angry drunk mode, as it tends to last longer!):
Me: You didn't have to lie to me. I know you weren't just hanging out at home w/ fam. If you were, you would've sent text, called, or even come and watched game. :(
I rolled over, not realizing my phone was on silent. When I roll over again, I see the light blinking. I had a missed called and a text from Stalker.
Stalker: Sorry. My phone died. I fell asleep.
Me: Ok. Well I'm drunk and sick. Nite nite.
Stalker: :( can I spend time with you tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Call me in am. If no answer still sleep. Phone on silent to avoid other crazy ppl like me.
I haven't heard back from him as of yet. But the moral of this story??? Don't drink alone, and if you do, hide your phone from yourself!