Thursday, August 14, 2008

Why?

Way back when, while I was in grad school, I worked with this guy. We broke our own rules and had a little fling. He was a few years younger than I, but we had a good time together. I'm not really sure what exactly brought it to an end. It was never a deep, meaningful relationship though.

Fast forward about seven years....I got a friend request on one of those social utility web sites from the man who disappeared! We chit-chatted through email and such occasionally. We learned that we both moved to new cities and now live about 350 miles apart. We spoke rarely for about a year, only when one of us would say hello on the social utility site. Eventually, we began to talk on the phone, and soon it became a daily appointment.

We arranged a trip for him to come visit me for a long weekend. We had what I thought was a good time. He was as attractive and sweet as ever. It was like old times. We went to an amusement park, had dinner with friends, cuddled while watching movies. The last day of his visit, I felt as if he was more distant and less affectionate. Silly me...I thought communication was best and asked if he had lost interest or something (not exactly in those words). He got pissed! We had a little tiff, but we made up (hehe). I thought we were cool when I dropped him off at the airport. After that, he didn't call me for weeks. He ignored any messages I left, except one. He sent me a text message saying that I made him feel like "shit". Huh????

Fast forward five months....he is calling again. Calling like nothing ever happened...no mention of the past. Why?

13 comments:

Non Sequitur Chica said...

That's really weird. Are you going to answer his calls?

SaneAndSingle said...

This happens to me often. Men always want to come back. I usually speak to them, but I'm not one for reliving the past.

Ecrivain said...

Men are like...aliens. And how exactly did you make him feel like shit when all you did was ask if he was okay? (Well, something to that effect.)

I'm curious, too -- are you going to call him? Especially after he ignored all of your messages except for one?

SaneAndSingle said...

When I asked what was going on with him, I told him that he seemed more interested in Law and Order re-runs than he did in spending time with me. He claimed that he wasn't distant and I made him feel like crap for "ignoring" me. *sigh*

I don't know what I'm going to do, ladies.

sdr said...

I have this same issues. Men I've been involved with always seem to want to come back into my life at some point.

This guy seems especially confusing. If I were you I'd ignore him.

Who's That Gurl? said...

OK, hold the phone! Are we living the same lives? This is just as crazy as the stuff I'd been going through. If I didn't know better I'd swear that there was some freaky, subliminal download of "how to be evasive, detached and an outright jerk" software downloaded to guys during a football game or something. Something's amiss with the majority of them and I have yet to put my finger on it. I feel for ya, girl.

Roxy said...

you said you're not one for re-living the past. So don't.

If he gets pissy with one simple inquiry, ignores your attempts to communicate and now thinks he can come back as if nothing happened...well... you'd be a fool to let him.

Take the attention if you desire, but no emotional involvement. You've already seen what happens when you care...

jo said...

that's so weird... so where did you go "wrong" (as in the making him feel like "shit"). is he hiding some big secret... or wife??

lisaq said...

Because he emotionally unavailable girl. It's a typical blow hot & cold EUM move...as is trying to put it back on you by saying you made him feel like shit. Run. Fast. This isn't a guy who can or will commit to you or to a relationship. Ever.

thehabitualcohabiter said...

You know, I'm so tired of hearing that women are the difficult ones. Men are just as complex as women. They just don't want to admit it...

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Things can be complicated for men, not just women.

blackwomenblowthetrumpet.blogspot.com said...

Hi there!!

If he was serious, he would have done everything to prove himself...drop him and move on.

Advice from one who knows...

{winks}
Lisa

Brad K. said...

Sorry about the disappointing reaction you got.

After all the time that has gone by, it seems he hasn't yet identified whether he wants an intimate companion.

He clearly hasn't learned to communicate what his expectations, needs, and desires are. He also hasn't learned a lot about respect.

He may have been confused about mixed signals. You cuddled but didn't get intimate - which he may be confused and was thinking that the trip was to be one long sexual adventure.

Whether he is ignorant, gay, or he is trying to "game" you for a sense of control or whatever - he doesn't sound like a suitable mate - or even intimate partner. If he is "just a friend", be careful with the cuddling and other intimate indulgences and signals.