Sober again

Hey! I'm sober now!! And I'm thinking much more clearly! Not much went on during the weekend. I got a new tattoo. It's a big ass tatt on my back, and it still hurts like a bitch! I heard from Ex-Coworker. It was his birthday yesterday, and now he has decided he wants to visit me as a birthday gift to himself. So it looks like I may have a nice little dick-down coming my way. Can't have him around without doing all that...way too good to pass up!

Btw...I'm horny as all hell, but I'm afraid I've ruined the dick deliveries from Stalker. What the fuck was I thinking??

Epiphany!!!

I have come to the realization that while I prefer men sexually, I don't actually enjoy talking to most of them! For instance, I came into the usual bookstore haunt today after work only to find Bookstore Boy there, working on a paper. OMG! His conversations are so dry and stale, even though he is quite attractive in his own way. Thank goodness that Stalker was entertaining me via text. Yeah, I know it was rude, but I also knew that Bookstore Boy would never taste the sweetness of this cookie when I discovered he was homophobic. I mentioned my gay BFF, and I thought he was going to run out of the bookstore! He told me he could never be around me while I was with my gay BFF, and that, my dear bloggers, is a definite turn-off! Other than that, it is more like a chore than a pleasure to think of what to say to him. I mean, the conversation doesn't just flow with back and forth witty banter, like the conversations I have with Stalker. When we are around each other, it's electric*! There is an automatic smile on my face whenever he is around, and we are rarely at a loss for words, as silly as they may be at times. I forget all my worries and problems when he is around. Stalker radiates positivity in what has been a dark world lately. So whether what we are doing is right or wrong, I want it while it exists.

That electricity also makes for some of the best sex EVER!! Yeah, I said it...EVER! I can't get enough of him deep inside me...it's slow, sensual, and dare I say it...meaningful?! Does that even make sense? I'm not even sure how to describe it...I just know that I can't get enough of it.

So back to the Bookstore Boy...he delayed my updating of this blog with his presence. I came to the bookstore just to work on the blog, and there he sat with me blog-blocking for an hour and a half. Then Stalker came by the bookstore** after Bookstore Boy left. Looks like I may have to find a new blog spot!

* Yeah, I know it's cliche!
** "to see your face and hear your voice," said Stalker

Addickted

Nope...it's not a typo! I am adDICKted...to Stalker's body, dick, oral tricks, and sensual touch. More about all that later. Let me tell ya about the day he planned for us yesterday, since we couldn't actually make it out of town for the weekend.

He wanted to treat me to a stress relief weekend, since so much has been going on in my life, both personally and professionally, lately. It began Friday night with popcorn, candy, and wine while watching movies. Of course, sex soon followed. After a few hours of sleep, we woke at 6:00 AM and headed out of the city and into the mountains. We had a HUGE breakfast* and then went horseback riding. We took the river route, so we got to ride the horseys through the water! This was sooo exciting to me, because I had never even touched, much less straddled, a horse before. After horseback riding, we stopped for hot chocolate and started back toward the city. Once back at my place, he treated me to a full-body massage**, which led to more mind-boggling sex. At one point Stalker expressed that he had never felt anything like it. I agreed that it does get better and better each time. It's becoming like a fucking drug!

While Stalker went home for an hour or so to shower and change clothes, I rested my now well stretched and achy legs, then got in the shower and changed clothes myself. When he picked me up, we headed out to two haunted houses. It has been years since I went to a haunted house! Such fun...

Bet you can't guess how the night ended?? Uh huh...another fix for my adDICKtion...

* a restaurant/chalet that literally brings the whole breakfast buffet menu to your table!!
** Stalker was going to treat me to a real spa massage, but we couldn't get a last minute appointment.

Ain't No Sunshine...

This past weekend I watched Sunshine Cleaning. I don't know how many of you have seen it, but it left me speechless. And I'm not sure I meant that in a good way. I got it because I thought it would be a fun little dark comedy, but it wasn't. It was dark, almost too dark. Well hell, it was like real life!

These lines spoken by Rose, Amy Adams's character, hit waaaay too close to home for me... "There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me." I have expressed this thought in so many words to friends of mine, but this character summed it up quite nicely. Men rarely want to stay in the "friend zone" with me, nor are they ever "at a place in life for a relationship".* What is it about some women that makes them fall into this category? What makes us undesirable for marriage and/or long term relationships? And before you answer that it could be the way we dress or carry ourselves, please be aware that I am more conservative in my dress than most single women I know. I believe there is a way to be sexy without seeming trampy. I am not a fan of flaunting excessive skin. I don't talk dirty**, nor do I have a reputation for giving it up on the first night. I do like to have fun and laugh, trying not to pressure anyone into anything they don't want. Men have often told me I'm "like one of the guys, but sexier". Um yeah, ok...

Anywho...MatchMan is officially a thing of the past. I'm done for good. Really. Nothing new took place between us. He told me he loves me,***but he can't be the man he needs to be for me. No shit, Sherlock! I figured that out a while back! What took his slow ass so long?

As for Stalker, he is still hanging around. We like to bowl together. And yeah, the tension is gone, because I broke my promise to myself and to you guys. I gave him a taste of the cookie, and he likes it. Yeah, yeah, please no speeches. I'm very aware that it probably wasn't the best decision I've ever made, but let me say it all started with a little too much Jack Daniels in both our systems one Friday night. I was lonely...he was lonely, and now neither of us can get enough. I'm just enjoying it for what it is. Blame it on my inner Cougar.

*conveniently!
**most of the time
***yeah, ok whatever

I've been a bad, bad blogger...

Hey y'all! I apologize for the delay. I've had internet issues, and I've gone back to work in the last month. Please do forgive me! So I have a lot of catching up to do...

MatchMan is out of jail now and has been for about 3 weeks. Unfortunately, he lost his job while locked up. He has been frantically searching and has even had some interviews, but no job offers! Needless to say, he has fallen into a deep depression. Oh, what a strain on a new relationship! I'm not sure where we stand, and I can't seem to bring myself to leave either. He hasn't exactly been the nicest guy and definitely not the same guy I first met. It's all understandable. I don't think I would be Susie Sunshine if I'd been locked up and lost my means of survival.

He's told me he doesn't want to get too attached to me because he is afraid he is going to go right back to jail. Okay, so I guess I should share why he was there to begin with at this point. It has to do with child support. There's no need for specifics, but if he doesn't find another job (like yesterday!) he's going right back next month. So yeah, there is tension.

In other man news, there's a new one hanging around. During one of my and MatchMan's recent arguments a couple weeks ago, I went to a friend's apartment to visit. Conveniently, her man-neighbor was having a little gathering of other menses and throwing some meat on the grill. One of the bbq goers struck up a little conversation with my girlfriend and me. This young man (yes, young!) was quite the charmer....mmmmm good too! I had a little alcohol in my system, and I was in super-hyper-flirt gear! This young'n told me I looked like a friend of his, and he wanted to take a picture of me and send it to some guy. Being the smart lady that I am, I explained to this hot little young thang that I wasn't in picture-taking form (I looked a hot mess because I had been out running around all day!), and I would send one from my cell to his. Yeah, genius way to get the digits...

So all this guy had after that night was my first name, my cell number, and my place of employment. So how did he find me on Facebook the next day? From hence forth, he shall be called "Stalker".

And in further news, FWB has been trying to get back in the picture. I'm feeling weak! As much as I care for MatchMan, I do have needs. I know how selfish that sounded, but it is true. Right now, I'm not sexually and/or emotionally fulfilled.

You see that picture up there? It's very similar to my dating life right now. I've been a woman who has been all work and no play. You know what that means, right? Hell yeah, it's time to get a party started up in this bitch!

RM asked me for a key to my apartment (um, via text), and I LOL'ed (via text). He canceled our Memorial Day plans because his cousin "came in town" and stopped calling. I don't see RM enough to give him a key. I mean, we haven't even had a "What are we doing?" talk!!! Ex-Coworker continues to send naughty texts, only now he wants naughty pics in return, and Don (Juan) is still MIA. I'm so very over the games.

The school year ended yesterday, and I have to work two more days before my summer break officially starts! I need to find a way to shake things up a bit, and I have a couple ideas. Stay tuned...


Sexy song for intermission:

Cassie - Me and You
Uploaded by laostyle84. - See the latest featured music videos.

Will Smith - Switch
Uploaded by J-Ray. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Is it just me, or does Will Smith not look just so scrumpdelicious in that video? Oh my...

I NEED A MAN!

Sexy Song of the Week

Happy Hump Day! I know I haven't done this in a while, but I'm trying to get back in the groove of blogland!

Til The Cops Come Knockin
Uploaded by ice1906

'Til The Cops Come Knockin'
by Maxwell
Didn't you dig the way I rubbed yo back girl
Wasn't it cool when I first kissed yo lips
Was it enough to penetrate you dark world
Or were you embarrassed about the way you freaked
Well I wanna hold you
I wanna know you baby
If it's alright.......

Gonna take you in the room suga'
lock you up and love for days
We gonna be rockin' baby til the cops come knockin'
Papa gonna have to leave a message on the
telephone baby
There won't be no stoppin' me til the cops come knockin'

Six on a Thursday night 'n you be jonesin' baby
For a brother to hold you tight n' keep on going
Last lover came n' went didn't even hug n' kiss n'
caress you
Gimme a call it's cool the M's all open
I'm open wider than oceans
I'll be your lotion
If It's alright....

Please you tease you eat you
Make you feel so good inside
Loving you long if that's alright?

Happy Hump Day!

I really do have some blog-worthy material for you guys. I just really haven't had time to actually sit down and form a coherent thought, much less string sentences together to make sense! So enjoy this Hump Day song in the meantime! By the way, as Hump Days come and go, you will probably notice that my musical taste is quite eclectic. Some you will like, others maybe not so much. But it's my blog, damnit! :)

Dave Matthews with the wonderful song Crash Into Me:

Dave Matthews Band - Crash Into Me
Uploaded by Tunashaker

Youve got your ball
Youve got your chain
Tied to me tight tie me up again
Whos got their claws
In you my friend
Into your heart Ill beat again
Sweet like candy to my soul
Sweet you rock
And sweet you roll
Lost for you Im so lost for you
You come crash into me
And I come into you
I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream
Touch your lips just so I know
In your eyes, love, it glows so
Im bare boned and crazy for you
When you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
In a boys dream
In a boys dream
If Ive gone overboard
Then Im begging you
To forgive me
In my haste
When Im holding you so girl
Close to me
Oh and you come crash
Into me, baby
And I come into you
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show the world to me
Hike up your skirt a little more
And show your world to me
In a boys dream.. in a boys dream
Oh I watch you there
Through the window
And I stare at you
You wear nothing but you
Wear it so well
Tied up and twisted
The way Id like to be
For you, for me, come crash
Into me

Feenin'

So due to my hectic schedule yesterday, I wasn't able to post the sexy song of the week* on Hump Day! So here is a little Jodeci for you! Yeah, the video is cheesy, but the song is a panty-dropper!

Jodeci : Feenin
Uploaded by BLACKMUSICS

*Oh yeah, I've decided to post a sexy song of the week each Hump Day.

Happy Hump Day!

Since tomorrow is Hump Day, I thought I'd throw a little sexy bone your way!

Kiss Me on My Neck

Um...yeah...this is what I want.

Erykah Badu immortalized my mood today with these lyrics:

I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck

Been such a long time
I forgot that I was fine
Just kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck
I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck and breathe on my neck

If you want to feel me
Better be divine
Bring me water, water for my mind
Give me nothin
Breathe love in my air
Don't abuse me
Cause these herbs are rare

If you want to feel me
Better be divine
Bring me water, water for my mind
Give me nothin
Breathe love in my air
Don't abuse me
Cause these herbs are rare

If you want too feel me baby
Better be divine
Bring me water for these flowers
Growing out my mind

Give me nothin' just be gentle
Breathe love in my air
Use me, don't abuse me, love me
Cause these herbs are rare

Ho hum...celibacy is a bitch!

Stress, Stress, and I Don't Care!

The meds the neurologist prescribed seem to be working! Yay! I'm sleeping better, and the headaches have been fewer! :) The first night I took the med for anxiety, I slept for almost 12 hours! I woke up long enough to call in sick to work, feed the cats, and go potty! I know...TMI. I spent most of the morning in bed, and it felt absolutely wonderful. I guess I was just tired from not sleeping well for so long.

Still no sex...would like sex. The meeting with the LD Man is quickly approaching. I wonder if he can make me break my vow.

Another Moment of Weakness

I made the mistake of listening to Jill Scott's song Crown Royal today! Ugh...that ish makes celibacy practically impossible!! Would it be sooo wrong for me to have just a little meaningless, gratuitous, horny, hot, steamy, and kinky sex??? Like Roxy said...it may just medicate my headaches!

I know Curvy Gurl knows it, but for those of you who don't know the song, check it out. I shouldn't be the only horny blogger!

Must have it....

Oh yeah, I'm still celibate, by the way! This crap is hard! I'm a highly sexual woman. Just when I thought I was getting used to going without, I woke up yesterday morning in heat! Yeah, I said it....IN HEAT! It was an animalistic need to feel something big, hard, and stiff deep inside me! At that point in time, I didn't care who the man attached to it might be. Alas, there was no man here to please me. Me being the independent woman that I am, I had to please my damn self! Fuckity fuck fuck fuck! I don't know how much longer I can hold on. I thought about calling up the FWB*!!! No worries, I didn't cave....only because my girlfriend and her husband came over to help me out with some home improvements. If I had been left alone, I just know that the dirty texting would have commenced. By the time my friends left, it was late, and I was too tired to think straight. But today, sex is on the brain again.

Pray to your spiritual idol for me...hell, send me a chastity belt and hold on to the key!

*If you are new to my blog, click on FWB in the sidebar in order to read all about that train wreck!

Hot Sex

I was just watching an old episode of Sex and The City. It's the one just after Carrie first cheated on Aiden with Big in the hotel. Her flashbacks to the act are soooo fucking hot! God, that's the kind of sex I want, no need!! That's want I'm holding out for. It's the animalistic, sweaty, got-to-have-you sex. It's been a long time since I've connected with a man like that. If you don't know the episode and scene I speak of, you need to brush up on your SATC.

But here's a little taste for ya!

I can do it!!!

I'm sticking to my guns! That's right...I STILL haven't had sex! It has been just over 2 months since I last had sex. I've gotten over the sex-craze hump, so to speak. I don't think about it nonstop anymore. As a matter of fact, I rarely think of it at all. Is that normal? I think it helps that I haven't really been dating either. I've been concentrating more on myself rather than trying to hook up with someone.

I have been talking to a man I met on a dating website almost 2 months ago though. We haven't met live and in person yet, due to the distance (about 500-600 miles!), but we do plan to eventually. Maybe it's my blossoming interest in getting to know him that has blocked my sexual appetite for anyone local. I never thought I would ever consider doing a long distance thing with ANYONE, but something is different about this guy. I can't really put my finger on it, but it is. Is that crazy?

FWB...Chapter 2

So the FWB and I tried to date. We really did. We are both very busy professionals, and often our schedules conflicted. Every time we tried to plan a date, it was postponed or canceled altogether. Obviously if two people who are animalistically attracted to one another can't get together before 11:00 PM, guess what becomes the focal point of that relationship??? Yep, good old fashioned, sweaty, hot, freaky, screaming for our Savior SEX!! Mmmm mmmm good...

I was hooked! Then one day, after a couple months, it happened. He was to be at my place about 9:30 one Wednesday night. I was showered, shaved, groomed in all the right places, and smelling sweet by 9:00 PM. Ten o'clock rolled around, and I hadn't heard from him yet. I called....voicemail. I texted....no response! This man finally called me back around 11:30 PM, saying " Do you still want me to come over? I fell asleep and just woke up." Oh wow...I felt so warm and fuzzy...NOT!! I was nice and told him to get some rest, and we would reschedule for the weekend or something.

Weeks go by and we continue "dating" (ahem...fucking), although not nearly as often as I would have liked. I have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy....I want it often...as often as I can get it. We discussed the frequency of our "dates", and he agreed to "date" me more often. And then it happened...again....except this time? He fucking just FORGOT about our "date." That hurt...

A few days later, after a bottle of Shiraz, I cursed, screamed, and cried into the phone at him, expressing my hurt and anger over him forgetting about me and the fact that all we did was fuck....no real dates...just fucking! I wanted...I needed more.

I Get Weak...

It's late night/early morning. I'm lonely. Don't think this celibacy stint will last too long. My old FWB keeps trying to bring over some of that hot, steamy, nasty, slow-grinding sex he does oh-so-well! I'm trying to resist....really. But this man has one of the most beautiful dicks I've ever seen, in real life or in porn! Not only is it gorgeous, but wow! he knows how to use it! I can't stop imagining my legs wrapped around his waist...or neck...Uh huh, you gotta lick it before you stick it*....my back arched.......

Ok, I'm going to bed. Alone. Again.

*I'll give you a cookie if you actually know that song!

Wish me Luck...

So I've decided that I need to clear my head. I'm taking this class that is soon to end...thank God!! I'm also looking for a job (ahem...so if you know anybody in the legal field, get at me!). These two things have kept me in a haze.

I want sex....but I don't want sex with just anybody. And there is nobody in my life that isn't just anybody. You following me? I'm thinking I need a real connection with someone. It's been too long. I'm lonely. I'm horny.

So yeah, I'm thinking I'm entering into a self-imposed celibacy phase. Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense, even though it does to me.

Why send flowers, when porn says it so much better?

Okay, so this entry isn't about my dating experience. I have to give one of my best friends credit for this gem!

My girlfriend met a guy online named Austin*. After a couple of flirty little emails, they decided to exchange phone numbers. After speaking a few times on the phone and getting a feel for one another, they made a date to meet in a nice safe place on a Monday evening....a bookstore. I mean what can go wrong in a bookstore?

They met, looked at books, and talked for a couple hours. The conversation, for the most part, was innocent. Then Austin* decided to play a game that included some Q&A on a paper napkin. The questions began all cute and sweet, BUT there was a man involved! Of course, it turned dirty! Austin* asked my friend, "So do you spit or swallow?" Oh so original, huh?? No man in the history of dating has ever pondered that little scenario while out with a new woman! She decided to play it cool and coy, with the response, "Don't you want to leave something to discover for later after we know one another better?"

Fast forward to the end of the date....Austin* walked my friend out to her car, where he kisses her....AND puts his hand up her top...yep, grown man trying to cop a feel in the parking lot alert!!! She gently pulled his hand away from her and said, "Slow down now, Sparky!" He tells her, "We can get in your car." When she told him no, he suggested they go to his car then! What tha???? She told him politely that she would like to progress at a slower pace.

As they parted for the night, he said to her, "I guess I'll go home and jerk off while thinking of you." WTF??? All my friend could say is, "Do what you need to do!"

My friend didn't even make it home yet before she received a picture message on her cell phone.....from Austin*.....of his Austin* Jr!!!! And Austin* Jr had thrown up!! Yep, my friend received the most romantic of romantic gestures.......THE CUM SHOT!!! Just...ew...

Her only response...."Thanks for that UNpleasant surprise!"

The next day Austin* sent a text simply asking, "Are you mad at me?"

*Names have been changed to protect the socially inept.