I can't do this...

shit anymore. There I've said it. I took last year off from dating, thinking I just needed to take some time off. And now it's July...I've been open and willing to take chances for seven months now. I can't play the games and can't deal with the lies that go along with dating. I'm too honest, fragile, and lonely. There I said it. I'm tired of the disappointment after disappointment. I'm tired of the "excuses" and the bullshit and the baggage. Why can't people just say what's real? Do people even have respect for others anymore? Do they ever look deeper than the surface? Fuck it. I'm done with the whole process...I'll be the crazy fucking dog/cat lady who plays with her toys to get off. Humans don't seem to know how to connect anymore.

P.S. I'm drunk.

My week in review

Yeah, the title implies that I'm about to share just this week with you, but I must rewind a couple weeks.

It was two weeks ago today that I had my kitty angel put down. It was also the day that Stalker sent one of his random texts. I'm not sure that I've shared this here, but I hear from him occasionally. He would say hello sometimes, and others he would ask if/when we would ever see one another again. Due to different circumstances, I either didn't respond to him or life got in the way of us meeting up. This is a little of our text convo:

Stalker: When you taking me out on a date?

Me: Shouldn't that be the opposite way? I just left vet office. Had (Kitty Angel) put down today. :'(

Stalker: :'( oh no. I'm sorry. :-(

Me: Yeah...so it's a cryfest right now.

Stalker: I'm a little teary-eyed myself. If I can help in any way, let me know.

Me: Thanks. I'm out with my gay right now. He made all the arrangements bc I couldn't do it.

Stalker: Ok. Keep me updated.

The next day, I sent Stalker a text telling him that he could take me on a date Monday night. And take me on a date he did. We began with miniature golf, then went to one of those fairs that pop up in mall parking lots to eat funnel cake, and ended the night watching Thor in 3D. Because the movie had been out for a while, we had the theater to ourselves. Stalker even dared to cuddle with me during the movie. By the way, this was the first time that Stalker and I had gone to the theater to sit and watch a movie together! Crazy, huh?

Now rewind to about a month or so ago. I was just about to take my profile off POF when I received an email on there from what looked to be a handsome man, who also happened to be a teacher! Jackpot! Part of my dating dilemma is due to my lack of time during the school year and all the hours I put into lesson plans, grading papers, and editing the yearbook. This man would not only understand my schedule, his would be even worse because he is a coach! Double jackpot!! Coach and I spoke on the phone or texted everyday for a couple weeks, before we met at a Starbucks one afternoon. He was impressive, and we clicked. The downside? It was about 3 more weeks before we could find a mutual time to see one another again.

So...all that flashback brings me to my dating life this week.

Monday night: bowling with Stalker

Tuesday afternoon: lunch at Chipotle and dessert at Pinkberry with Stalker

Tuesday night: Fat Matt's BBQ and dessert at Cafe Intermezzo with Coach

Wednesday night: Dave and Buster's with Stalker (he even won me a monkey), followed by hot sex with Stalker...damn I missed his body on mine!

Thursday night: After Stalker's basketball game, he dropped off the new Jill Scott CD...and more hot sex!

It's now Friday afternoon, and one of my besties from high school will be in town tonight to go see the band of another high school friend play at a venue in the city. I'm sure she will spend the weekend with me, so this weekend will be dateless. I think I made up for it during the week, huh?

Some catching up...

Last I wrote, I was telling you about my old and sick cat. Almost two weeks ago, I broke down and took my female kitty to the vet. She is no longer with us. The vet said that her symptoms could be part of many illnesses. The tests for those illnesses and any following treatments would be quite costly, and there was no guarantee of a cure. I made a tough decision and let her go.

The apartment has been empty, yet clean, without her. Tears have rolled a few times, but I know she is in a better place and no longer in misery. The worst part of it all is watching my other animals look for her, and listening to the male cat cry all night. RIP my angel kitty.

Nothing to do with dating...

Okay...you all know I have a dog. I'm not sure that I mentioned that I also have 2 cats. They are both about 8-9 years old, and I adopted them together when they were kittens. I've loved them all their lives. But now, they have come to a point where they shit outside the litter box, no matter how often I clean it or change the litter. I can clean it and 5 minutes later there is a pile of poo right NEXT to the box! One of them pukes nonstop. She has always had a sensitive stomach, but it has gotten to point that I need to clean my carpet weekly...not just vacuum but clean it! I'm so tired and too broke to constantly buy cat litter and cleaning solution. It has gotten to the point where I feel like all I do is work and clean up after these cats. I don't even look at them with love and affection anymore. They have become more of a burden; not to mention being the crazy cat lady with the nasty puke stains on her floor really isn't going to land me a husband. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't feel right having them euthanized, but I don't trust a shelter or another person to put up with them either. I just know that I can't deal with it anymore. Suggestions?

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

Yes, I have been neglecting blogland again. I have good reasons.

#1- I've been self reflecting. I need to make some changes in my life. I mean if I am not happy alone, how can I expect anyone else to be happy with me? My job eats away at my soul daily. Don't get me wrong...I do enjoy teaching kids. But it CONSUMES every bit of me...emotionally, physically, and mentally most of the school year. I'm not your average class room teacher. I am a special educator, and I love my kids. Sometimes that love leaves no room in my life for anyone else. So...I'm thinking a career change is in order for me to have a life beyond my work.

#2- I'm still absolutely head over heels in love...with my dog! All spare time goes to him and our adventures in the dog park and PetsMart! I still haven't met anyone of interest at the dog park. I take that back. I've met interesting people, just not ROMANTICALLY interesting. I meet very nice young couples and elderly ladies. And before you ask, yes we go to a couple different dog parks for some variety.

#3- I've injured myself yet again. I over slept last Wednesday and was running late for work. I pulled into the parking lot just as 1st period was beginning. In my rush to get into the building, I just fell face down onto the sidewalk. No, I didn't trip...I was walking and then I was splayed across the concrete, breaking my phone, my pen, and my ribs. I continued to work Wednesday and Thursday in pain. Finally, Friday breathing became almost unbearable. I let HR make me a doctor appointment (yay workers' comp!). The doctor put me on work restrictions, but my administration said that I couldn't perform my duties with those restrictions. And now I have a forced vacation until the doctor releases me to work again. My friend, Angel and Demon, says that God sent an angel to trip me so that I could have a mental vacation. Should've had that knee surgery last week, as originally planned, so I could at least collect short-term disability!

#4- I've not met any men from online or elsewhere. As a matter of fact, I haven't even cared to think about dating, or even sex. I must be sick!! It recently just dawned on me that I've had no man or sex drive for several months. I blame it all on #1!

#5- My damn blog has been attacked by spammers!! Every time I log in, I have crazy sex sites that have left comments as anonymous users! Has this happened to anyone else? How do I shake them off?

No Sexy Songs Today...

I know my posts on here have been few and far between. Like I've said before, work is insane. I've pretty much settled into a week day routine. I go to work, come home, feed the animals, and take my dog for a walk to to the dog park. I keep thinking one day I might run into a single man at the park. So far, no such luck! There was a guy there the first two times I went. He had a Boxer, and he was pretty cute (the man, that is...). He actually approached me and asked me where I work. When I told him, he said he knew me from somewhere but couldn't figure it out. Hmmm...the second time he showed up just before my four-legged boyfriend and I were leaving. We spoke briefly, and I haven't seen him again. All the other men at the dog park that I've spoken with have been married. Boo!

Have I mentioned that Ex-coworker resurfaced again? He did via text. He got all bitchy when I told him I didn't see the point of him visiting. A couple days later he emailed me to apologize and told me he would like to pick up where we left off. Hell, I'm not even sure where we left off, he comes and goes so much!

And about my friend and FB, I've called and messaged her, only to get no response. I would try to request her again, but apparently she has blocked me from contacting her on FB. This friend of mine has been known to take things personally and just cut people out of her life with no discussion. She had just never done it to me before. Mature, huh?

Oh yeah, I found out that young coworker set a date for his wedding last week. Good luck to him on that!

Still sexless in 2010...when does one begin the revirgination process?

If it isn't one thing...

I'm going to be honest...I really just haven't been in the mood to write. My brain is frazzled from work, and the little free time I do have I've been spending with my little man...my dog. We've been going to the dog park when there is nice weather. The little guy just won't loosen up and have a little fun! I think he is under the impression that his job is to protect me. If dogs come running my way, he is there to defend me, and he refuses to stray more than 10-12 feet away from me even though he is off his leash. He really is a sweet little cuddlebug though. Thank goodness for that, because he is giving me the only cuddling I am getting!

Ex-coworker has reappeared via text messages. I hadn't heard from him since just after New Year's. The only thing I can figure is he is alone again...musta had some chick hanging around for a while. Again, I told him I am not interested in the casual on again off again thing. To which he responded, "You will find someone. You are a good woman."

Oh, and remember that knee pain that I thought was tendinitis? Apparently, it isn't. The pain never fully went away, and my left knee still KILLS me on stairs. I finally broke down and saw a doctor. The x-rays showed no problems with the bones. The doctor has ordered MRI's for later this week. He thinks it could be a torn meniscus (cartilage)...cross your fingers that it isn't! The move into the new apartment cost me my left knee! And you know who I'm blaming...hehe.

You Won't Believe It!

I really am allergic to dating!!! I had a routine check up with my ENT today. He looked in my throat and sinus cavities. He backed away from me and asked if I had been feeling sick lately. I told him about my sore throat weekend before last. The doctor then proceeded to tell me that I have all kinds of infection in my throat and sinuses. It started in the throat and spread. He said if I didn't get an antibiotic in me, I would probably end up with bronchitis and/or pneumonia soon. OMG!! I'm not to return to work or go around people until Friday!!! So you know what that means???

Yep...I had to cancel my date with the guy from Match AGAIN!! He is going to begin to think I'm not really interested. Grrr...

Oh yeah, I had my poor pooch emasculated yesterday, so now we are both lying around moaning and groaning.

Nibbles and Bites

Today has been the mother of all days! I took my cat to the vet for an injured paw, and she ended up in surgery. The vet fixed the paw and pulled several of her teeth. Wowzers! What a vet bill!! My baby girl has always had a dental problem, and I knew that it would come to this one day. I just didn't wake up thinking today would be it. In other pet news, the new man of the house is doing better. I think he just prefers to be crated when left alone. The day of the barking complaint, I had left him baby-gated in the kitchen, with no background noise. He was probably just scared.

In dating news, I can report that Match.com has picked up a little. I joined again a while back, but I hadn't met anyone of interest on there. In the last couple days, there has been two bites and a nibble. One man and I have exchanged numbers (yesterday) but haven't talked on the phone yet. Another one asked if I'd like to meet for drinks this week. And the nibble...well, he just emailed me today. But I like his profile and pics. We shall see...

Man Problems

My new man (okay dog) has been good...mostly. He hasn't destroyed anything. He hasn't peed or pooped in the house. He doesn't bark, as a matter of fact I didn't hear him bark until three days after he came to live me. He barked at someone knocking on the door. I thought, "Whew, I got lucky! He is a well behaved quiet doggy!" Until I came home from work yesterday. There was a note taped to my door. This is what it said:

Excuse me,

Your dog has been barking non-stop since 7:00 A.M. this morning & it is now almost 4:30 P.M. in the afternoon. This is very disturbing. Please do something about this!

Thanks,
Your Neighbors


Soooo...my little guy seems to have a bit of separation anxiety. I've done all the things it says to do online for this. He has been crated. He goes into the crate willingly and even seems to like it while I'm home. I put a t-shirt with my scent on it in there. I've given him chew toys and a kong full of his food.

I left today for a couple hours to have lunch with a friend. When I came back he was howling and crying. Any suggestions?

Oh yeah, and the neighbors? I don't know which neighbors left the note. I spoke to a couple of them today, and they both said they hadn't heard him. I went to my upstairs neighbors' apartment (I know they are home because I can hear them), but they didn't answer the door when I knocked. Passive aggressive much?

My man...er...cat!

This is the only man that has been in my bed for MONTHS! Uh-huh, still celibate!

Actually, I just thought the picture was too cute not to share. I went upstairs one afternoon to find my man-cat lying in my bed just like a human man! Too funny not to snap a pic! Isn't he handsome? ;-)