Amongst de-junking my apartment, setting up my massage table, consulting with my best friend about her issues with her son's school system, and talking for an hour with my grandmother, I've been watching Brothers & Sisters on Netflix today. In the last episode I watched, Justin was feeling down because he was turning 30 and he was alone. His brother, Kevin, told him, "Sometimes good people have sad lives, but you aren't one of them." I think I may be one of them.
Every man I meet is totally wrong for me. Okay...maybe not every ONE, although I have met some doozies in my dating career! But I tend to mess up the decent ones with my insecurities. I think I have abandonment issues (thanks dad), so with my "witty sarcasm" I manage to push away any man that may have potential. I lash out with accusatory remarks when I feel like someone is "abandoning" me again. Of course, that just pushes people away more. This only happens with men...not girlfriends, family, or coworkers. Maybe I'm so jaded that I just can't believe that the "real thing" exists for me. I know so few TRULY HAPPY couples that it seems futile sometimes, even though I'm about as lonely as one can get. I have trust issues after being lied to time and time again. I am trying to keep my heart open and my feelings honest (sometimes too honest). Just some food for thought. I've been living in my head after watching too much Brothers & Sisters.
And then after all this thought, I read this quote somewhere: “Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”- unknown This is so, so true of me.
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