Apologies

Hello! I do apologize for my long absence! The second week of my Christmas vacation, I just relaxed and did a little (and I do mean little) unpacking. The first week back at work was hectic, and I just didn't have blogging time and energy. And the last week or so, I've been hibernating!

I did go on another E-Harmony date just after New Year's. Apparently, E-Harmony has me pegged as BORING! This guy was so dry. We met for lunch, and he didn't even get lunch! He ordered hot chocolate, while I ate. He bored me to tears with tales of his dog. So yeah, it was another pleasant and free lunch due to E-Harmony.

Teacher Man responded to the text I told you about here with "So are you saying you don't want to hang out tonight?" I explained to him I wanted to go on an actual date. He didn't get it, and I haven't heard from him since. Oh well.

I ran into Bookstore Boy last week at...you guessed it...the bookstore. I was just running in to use my gift card and buy a couple books for my hibernation. He followed me upstairs and asked me why I hadn't called or written him on Facebook. I told him that our last meeting was a turn-off, that he is too aggressive, and he doesn't listen to anything I say. I was in no mood for niceties or small talk at the time. It was cold, and I was ready to be back on my couch with a good book. He told me "I don't really care anyway. Goodbye (Sane). Have a nice life." I told him goodbye. He has since deleted me on Facebook. Sigh...

I haven't seen Stalker since he brought my Christmas gift over. I have heard from him via text a couple times. The first time was just before New Years when he suggested I try Craigslist for finding some dates and then told me he never saw us as anything more than friends. Whatever. He then started forwarding ads to me! I told him to leave me the hell alone. Since then he has texted twice to ask how I was doing. I give very little response back.

I did check out Craigslist, but most men on there in my city seem to be looking for sex only. One guy did catch my attention. I responded. We emailed back and forth a couple times and even exchanged pics and phone numbers. His pic was from far away and he had on sunglasses, so there is no telling what he actually looks like. I asked for another pic, to which he responded "I'll send it when I get home." I never did get it. I wrote to him again, asking for it. Again, I got no response. So yeah, dating is non-existent as of 2010.

Busy Busy Weekend!

Thursday night Stalker came over for dinner and a DVD. Things are a little better between us now...less strained and more friendly. We had a nice time, even though his wine cork broke my cork screw! He didn't have a chance to drink his wine because we couldn't get the cork out. Last time he was here, he broke my wine topper/stopper thingy. Luckily, I opened my wine before his Thursday, which means I got tipsy and Stalker didn't! :-) Yay me! No worries...it didn't lead to any sexual activities. We sat closely on the couch with my legs over his lap. That's as wild and crazy as the night got! Oh yeah, Bookstore Boy called while Stalker was here. I hadn't heard from him since the day after he found me at another bookstore. Can we say "ignore", boys and girls?

Last night after work, I had some quality Christmas shopping time with my gay boyfriend. I'll be getting together with all my gay boyfriends before Christmas for dinner and gift exchange. I wasn't really sure what to get two of them, because they are your stereotypically finicky gay men. I'm never quite sure of the borders of tackiness to them! They have these odd collections, and I think I managed to find something fitting for them both.

Today is lunch with a girlfriend and FOOTBALL!!! One of my coworkers is having an SEC Championship party at her house today. You know what that means? Football, alcohol, and food!! We may be hitting the streets after the game.

Tomorrow I'm trying out a new church. I'm not a big fan of organized religion, as folks in the South tend to thump those Bibles a bit too much. I've found a place of worship in my city that welcomes all faiths. I'm checking it out tomorrow. Afterward, I'm meeting up with one of my E-Harmony matches. I'm not sure if he is worthy of a nickname just yet, so I'll hold off on that. Wish me luck!

Oh, and somewhere in all this I have to pack for my move in two weeks!

Free of Blog-Blockers

Since I was so suddenly interrupted by Bookstore Boy while writing my last blog, I'm adding another to continue my original thoughts.

What was I saying? Oh, I can't imagine sex with anyone else except Stalker. I said it eleven hours ago, and I still believe it! I'm not going to get into the details right this moment, but I have spent four evenings with Stalker since his return from the "ex's" state. None of those evenings have resulted in a slumber party or any sexual fun. Actually, most of those times have been quite strained and tense. I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. I don't know if he has lost all feelings for me or if he is going out of his way to resist temptation. I do know that I still want him...maybe more than ever. It pains me to be with him and not know what he is thinking or feeling. But I don't want to lose him from my life either, even if as just a friend. Stalker hurt his knee last week, playing softball. He was still in pain tonight when he joined me and a girlfriend for bowling. I just wanted to reach out and hold him. I know this makes no sense. Not much has lately. I just know that I feel so much more for him than even I thought I did. I now realize that Stalker had awakened parts of me that I thought had died or at least had become numb. I want to nurture him, to cook (what tha???) for him, and to be with him all the time. The feeling is so strong it almost creeps me out!

E-Harmony update: It sucks! Most of my matches don't fall into my age and/or height requirements. What's up with all the old short men?? Yeah, they need love too, but I can't reach down and give it to them!

Today just after my girlfriend and I got settled into our little spot at a different bookstore, Bookstore Boy showed up and made himself at home. Again, he blog-blocked me! And he just wouldn't go away. At one point when my friend excused herself to go to the restroom, he grabbed my thigh and told me he wants to see me again...alone. Ewww...creepy!

Can't Get Away!

It's been a week and a half, and I miss Stalker's caress, kiss, the weight of his body on mine, and the thrills and chills I felt as he would grind slowly and deeply inside me. I may go out with other people, but I honestly can't imagine having sex with anyone else. Stalker has set the bar, and that bar is high, my friends!

Oh damn, Bookstore Boy is here! And I'm even in a different bookstore!!

Distractions

I've decided that I need a distraction. A distraction from Stalker. I care about him, but I am realistic...it's not real likely that his "situation" will end anytime soon. So needless to say, it would be a safety-net for my feelings if there was someone else hanging around. I thought Bookstore Boy would be a possibility, but I never heard from him again after I called him a homophob! I've been reading what you all have said. And yes, it is unfair that he has his "ex" and I have no one to fall back on. At the time I met Stalker though, I was still hanging on to MatchMan. I've decided to join E-harmony.

I initially created my profile on there because of Stalker. We thought it would be fun if their personality matching expertise would match us up. We weren't matched. But I kept getting emails galore from the website. I decided to give it a try on the same day that Stalker was out of state. So far, it's a whole lotta uninteresting. I'm sorry...I can't vibe with just anyone. This is why Stalker is so unusual.

Ex-Coworker keeps texting and asking when he can see me. Again, he is a nice guy...not as bright as I prefer and we can get along only in short spurts of time. I'm wondering if it's even worth trying to plan some time together.

Epiphany!!!

I have come to the realization that while I prefer men sexually, I don't actually enjoy talking to most of them! For instance, I came into the usual bookstore haunt today after work only to find Bookstore Boy there, working on a paper. OMG! His conversations are so dry and stale, even though he is quite attractive in his own way. Thank goodness that Stalker was entertaining me via text. Yeah, I know it was rude, but I also knew that Bookstore Boy would never taste the sweetness of this cookie when I discovered he was homophobic. I mentioned my gay BFF, and I thought he was going to run out of the bookstore! He told me he could never be around me while I was with my gay BFF, and that, my dear bloggers, is a definite turn-off! Other than that, it is more like a chore than a pleasure to think of what to say to him. I mean, the conversation doesn't just flow with back and forth witty banter, like the conversations I have with Stalker. When we are around each other, it's electric*! There is an automatic smile on my face whenever he is around, and we are rarely at a loss for words, as silly as they may be at times. I forget all my worries and problems when he is around. Stalker radiates positivity in what has been a dark world lately. So whether what we are doing is right or wrong, I want it while it exists.

That electricity also makes for some of the best sex EVER!! Yeah, I said it...EVER! I can't get enough of him deep inside me...it's slow, sensual, and dare I say it...meaningful?! Does that even make sense? I'm not even sure how to describe it...I just know that I can't get enough of it.

So back to the Bookstore Boy...he delayed my updating of this blog with his presence. I came to the bookstore just to work on the blog, and there he sat with me blog-blocking for an hour and a half. Then Stalker came by the bookstore** after Bookstore Boy left. Looks like I may have to find a new blog spot!

* Yeah, I know it's cliche!
** "to see your face and hear your voice," said Stalker

New Prospects?

There haven't been many. I did meet a man a little over a week ago at the local bookstore that I frequent to work and write this here blog.

I had seen him there before, but I'm a little too shy to approach a man without copious amounts of alcohol running through my veins. So the second time, I saw him there, I caught him looking my way. Yep, I was in his sites! Unfortunately, he wasn't alone, and he was waaaay across the cafe. The guy sitting at his table finally made his exit. Miraculously, the table next to me became available at the very same time. Imagine that! Bookstore Boy made his way to it, and tried to start a conversation with me even though I was jamming to my iPod. Our conversation consisted of mostly small talk and silly sarcastic humor, and I had to leave soon to meet a friend for dinner. Before I packed up my belongings, Bookstore Boy slipped me his phone number on a napkin. Score!!

I waited the obligatory two days and made the initial call. He immediately asked me out for that upcoming Saturday. I told him that I may be out of town, as that was the weekend that Stalker and I were thinking about our little getaway. Of course, I didn't tell him about Stalker. We decided that we would get together on Sunday, if I got back early enough.

Soooo...when I did call on Sunday, I got his voicemail. When my girlfriend hit me up for lunch and shopping, I didn't hesitate. It's a good thing too, because Bookstore Boy didn't return my call until hours later. Again, we rescheduled for Monday evening, and I told him I would call him when I got home from work. I called. Again...voicemail. After a couple hours (around 7:30 PM), he sent me a text telling me that he was working on his paper* and he was thinking we could get together later that night. Um...later would be a little too late on a school night for a teacher! I then suggested that maybe the weekend would be a better time for us to connect, and he agreed. We had a brief phone conversation earlier this evening, and he wasn't exactly giving off the warm and fuzzy vibe. He seemed absolutely uninterested in anything I had to say, but he did explain that he had had a bad day. He did ask me when I would be at the bookstore again, but I really couldn't give an answer because my workdays are crazy. I'm beginning to wonder if Bookstore Boy is even worth the effort.

* Bookstore Boy is in school, working on his MBA.