Sexy Song of the Week

Whole Lotta Love by Led Zeppelin!!!!! Me love all things Zeppelin. I'm giving ya the studio version and a live version. Enjoy!!!!

Oh, and if you don't know who Led Zeppelin is, shame on you! You betta get out there and edumacate yourself!





You need coolin', baby, I'm not foolin'
I'm gonna send ya back to schoolin'
Way down inside, a-honey, you need it
I'm gonna give you my love
I'm gonna give you my love, oh

Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love

You've been learnin'
And baby, I been learnin'
All them good times
Baby, baby, I've been discernin'-a
A-way, way down inside
A-honey, you need-a
I'm gonna give you my love, ah
I'm gonna give you my love, ah

Oh, whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
I don't want more

You've got to bleed on me, yeah
Ah, ah, ah, ah
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ha, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
ah, ah, ah, ah, ha, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah
No, no, no, no, ah
Love, love, low-ow-ow-ow-ove
Oh, babe, oh

You been coolin'
And baby, I've been droolin'
All the good times, baby, I've been misusin'-a/Oh
A-way, way down inside
I'm gonna give ya my love/Ah
I'm gonna give ya every inch of my love/Ah
I'm gonna give you my love/Ah
Yes, alright, let's go/Ah

Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love
Wanna whole lotta love

Way down inside/ Way down inside
Way downinside, woman, you/woman
woman, you/you need it
need/Love

My, my, my, my
My, my, my, my/Ahh
Oh, shake for me, girl
I wanna be your backdoor man-a
Hey, oh, hey, oh/Ahh
Hey, oh, oooh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Hoo-ma, ma, hey
Keep a-coolin', baby
A-keep a-coolin', baby
A-keep a-coolin', baby
Uh, keep a-coolin', baby, wuh, way-hoh, oo-ohh

Girls Night Out or Date Night?

Next time you hear (read) me say I'm having a girls night out, remind me that Jack Daniels is NOT one of the girls! I do believe I was on a date with him and my girlfriend was the third wheel. I hope she had fun...I know I did! But my ass will be planted on this couch today for quite some time due to my date with Jack!

Unfortunately there were waaay more women out last night than men. I guess we should have known that when the place advertised that all ladies get in free and get free drinks until midnight. Much to my distaste, those free drinks were some little fruity concoction I didn't care for. So Sane paid for her man Jack.

I did meet a real man there. He is actually close to my age, actually older than I am. Too bad he is just in town visiting family for the holidays. He lives in a state far far away! Hell, by the time we started talking I was too damn drunk to care. We had a dance and exchanged phone numbers before he left with his friends. He called and texted last night, both of which I was too passed out to notice.

Okay, I'm going back to keeping my couch warm and letting the TV watch me sleep.

Girls Night Out

I just sent Teacher Man a text that said, "I was thinking about your offer to bring over a movie tonight, and I think I'll wait until you can take me on a real date."

I'm going out with a girlfriend instead. I'm tired of little boys and the games they play.

Christmas Wrap-Up

Tuesday night Stalker sent me a text that began short little conversation.

Stalker: Would you like your gift tonight?
Me: Tomorrow would be better. I'm not well tonight. In serious pain.
Stalker: :-( need anything?
Me: Just rest and ice. Can't walk.
Stalker: Gasp! Oh no :-( Do you need a wheelchair?
Me: Possibly. Just bring the gift tomorrow evening after you get off. I will let you get the cat litter out of my trunk too!
Stalker: K. So you good for tonight?
Me: Yeah. (My gay bf) fed me. Just gonna lie down. Exhausted.
Stalker: Okie doke

Funny how he appears and wants to be helpful the day AFTER the big move, huh?

Stalker came over Wednesday evening when he got off from work, bearing one wrapped gift. He had told me last week that there would be more than one. Being the greedy little girl that I am, I asked about the others. He said there were more to come, but they would have to be house-warming gifts. He lost too much money while off gambling over the weekend, while I was moving and letting my body fall apart! Yeah, not only did he get out of manual labor, but I got less gifts due to this trip. Anyway, this is what he gave me for Christmas. Not bad, but not very personal either. One of The Queens got me two bottles of wine with which I can try this out. Too bad I still can't drink them, since Stalker has yet to replace my wine opener and/or topper! That is another expense I'll have to take on myself.

When I didn't open my gift right away, Stalker joked and said, "Aren't you going to open your engagement ring?" Haha. Funny, right? Yeah, not really. He offered to go back to his office and get the sports ice pack he left in the freezer there, so I could use it on my still aching knee. Of course, I let him do it. I also let him stop and get some food to bring back for dinner. When he returned, he was super attentive and nurturing. He wrapped my leg in the ice pack, asked me if I wanted him to get out a suitcase for my trip to see my family, and even asked me if he needed to take my car and gas it up for me. All my suitcases still had clothes in them from the move and I had filled up my car earlier that day. Funny how he is such an inconsistently available and helpful friend. I guess he is there for me whenever it fits into his schedule. I haven't heard from him again since he left. Can you imagine that?!

Teacher Man and I didn't make our lunch Wednesday. I'm not really sure what happened. I just know that he finally texted me long after I ate lunch. And no, I didn't have an early lunch; I just didn't hear from him until around 3:30 PM. I ate at 1:30 after I got my Christmas haircut. He sent me another text last night to let me know that he would be back in town Monday. He asked if he should bring over a movie and pick up some food. What is the deal? Why don't men actually ask women to go out anymore?

And the trip home. Well, it was...pleasant. That's because the drama inducing aunt decided not to come because she was still angry with her sister. Really, I'm not too sure what the deal is with them, and I try to keep it that way. All I know is Santa was incredibly nice to me this year. I must have been a good little girl. Some highlights were this and this! I also racked up some gift cards to Starbucks and Barnes and Noble. All in all, it was a good Christmas for a not so religious girl with a dysfunctional family.

Sexy Song of the Week

Since it's the holidays...

Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt



Dick In a Box by Justin Timberlake

I'm in!

The move is completed. Teacher Man and one of The Queens came over to help out a little. Teacher Man woke to his own problems yesterday morning...a leaky ceiling. So he wasn't able to stay too long. He called last night to see how the rest of the move went (the movers were here when he came over), and we decided that we might meet up for lunch tomorrow before both of us go out of town for the holidays.

As for the move, the movers were over-priced and didn't even move everything! Ugh...I was running up and down the stairs moving leftover odds and ins all freaking day yesterday. I didn't sit down from 6:00 AM to 9:00 PM!! Oh, how my body aches!! I tried to do a little Christmas shopping this morning and managed to get a few things for the family before I couldn't take the pain in my knees any longer! I'm on the sofa resting my achy bones...ok, really my knee.

The Move has begun...

I'm sitting here with ice on my big fat knee. I don't know what I've done to it, but it seems that I have developed tendinitis in my right knee. Right in the middle of my move. I managed to get my hanging clothes and other odds and ends over to the new place yesterday. But I can do no more. The stairs are killing my knee. My old friend, Teacher Man, came over last night to help out a little, and then we watched The Hangover. Funniest. Movie. Ever! Teacher Man is also going to help me move my television tomorrow when the movers come. Why, you ask? Because the movers charge an extra $50 to move large flat screen TV's. What a pain in the ass. Damn damn damn, don't know how many trips up and down those stairs my knee can take!

Anyway, Teacher Man is an acquaintance I've had for a while. We have only hung out a few times, but we managed to keep in contact occasionally. Until last night, I hadn't seen him in about a year. For some reason, I'd never found Teacher Man all that attractive. Don't get me wrong, he is a nice looking guy. I just never felt that spark. Since I last saw him, something has changed. Maybe I've changed or maybe he has, but suddenly he became a little more appealing to me.

Later today, I have to meet up with my gay boyfriend and the queens for a Christmas dinner and gift exchange. That should be a nice break from moving. Did I mention I still haven't gotten any gifts for the family? Can we say last minute gift cards?

Old Man Sweater

I met E-Harmony guy for lunch this past Sunday. He definitely did not impress me. I know I'm closer to 40 than I am to 30 now, but I generally am not attracted to men in their mid to late 40's. This guy's profile claimed that he is 45, but he looked and acted more like 55. Ugh. He was wearing an old man sweater over his pregnant belly. You know...those sweaters from the 80's with geometrical shapes all over it? Yeah...not sexy at all...and to top it all off with a pregnant belly. Yeah, you know those bellies men of a certain age develop that are hard? And they have no fat anywhere else on their bodies? Again...not sexy. So I had a nice, polite, FREE lunch Sunday. I think he knew I was disappointed, because I ended the date early and haven't heard from him since. There is a new guy I was matched with this week who looks a little more interesting. I'll keep you updated.

Sunday morning I took an EPT. I haven't mentioned this in the blog, but Stalker was convinced that he had impregnated me! He kept on about babies and superstitious ideas about men sleeping a lot when they have gotten a woman pregnant. He said he had been coming home from work and crashing only to wake up in time for work the next day. I've never heard this, but he was starting to creep me out. I decided to take a test, just to be safe. It was negative (whew!), so I texted him to let him know. This was our first contact since he left my apartment the Sunday before. You know, the Sunday he told me he would be out of town when I move? The text read a little something like this:

According to ept I'm not pregnant with your bastard child. So you don't have to worry about folks finding out about your whore on the side that way anymore.

His response?

Cool. Did you need me to have people come help you next weekend?

I won't bore with the actual details of the rest of the text convo. I'll just tell you that he doesn't understand why he is the "bad guy" in all this. He said that he offered me manpower but I refused. He couldn't understand that I didn't feel comfortable accepting help from some random strangers when he was the one who had offered to do it. He just told me that he thought I was expecting sooo much from him that I was getting hurt by my own expectations. Um, since when is expecting a friend to lend a hand when he offered expecting too much??? But really??? If I can't depend on him to show up to help out, how the hell can I depend on whatever strangers he would send to help?? And how embarrassing would that be? I just told him that I'd already hired movers, and he is more than welcome to help pay! Stalker then said he would help and asked if I would pay him back! When I told I didn't realize that he was offering a loan, he said if I needed a loan or just money not to pay back, let him know. Ugh.

So Monday and Tuesday went by without a word from Stalker. Well, Tuesday night around 10:15, I received a text from him:

Stalker: I have Xmas gifts for you...
Me: It isn't Xmas.
Stalker: In ten days...
Me: Yeah I'm aware. Thank you in advance?
Stalker: When would you like them?

As I was typing a response, he called me. We chatted about my busy week at work like nothing had ever happened. I was already in the bed and let him know this. He then said, "I guess it wouldn't be a good idea for me to stop by then?" I told him no and that I'd talk to him later. Um...I really don't know what to say about it. Guess I'll get those gifts when he returns from his trip with his sister. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention she is the reason he has to go out of town this weekend? She wanted to go with him, and that was the only weekend she could make the trip. Um...yeah.

Still breathing...barely

My, this past week has flown by. Work has been super busy (yay for standardized testing...not!). I've been trying to get ready for the move. I couldn't book the movers for next Saturday (the original move date), because they cost twice as much on the weekends. So they are coming first thing on Monday (12/21) morning. I'm going to move as much as possible in my car and my friend's husband's truck during the weekend though, because I also have to turn the keys to my current apartment in on Monday. Thanks to Stalker, I'm out almost $400 and will be busting my ass until the last minute. But anyhoo...speaking of assholes, he and I haven't spoken since he left my place after telling me he was going out of town instead of helping me move. Yeah, he offered to move me...I didn't ask. Talking about a let-down. He tried to hug me before he left last Sunday. I told him not to touch me. Oddly, it's been easier to stop speaking to him than I thought. That's probably because he not only disappointed me as a man, but as a friend. I really just want to tell him that he is a stupid and selfish LITTLE BOY! A grown man wouldn't have handled this situation by avoidance.

Hopefully, the E-Harmony guy and I will finally meet tomorrow. We have played phone tag all week and finally actually spoke last night. It was, um...awkward. He seemed preoccupied with something else, although he is the one who called me. We shall see...

MatchMan called last night also. I didn't answer. Ex-Coworker continues to text. Don't you love how they all keep coming back?

Sexy Song of The Week

Yeah, I guess I shoulda titled this Sexy SONGS of the Week! I keep getting carried away!

Patience by Guns N Roses:



(1..2...1,2,3,4)
Shed a tear 'cause I'm missing you
I'm still alright to smile
Girl, I think about you every day now
Was a time when I wasn't sure
But you set my mind at ease
There is no doubt you're in my heart now
Said woman take it slow
It'll work itself out fine
All we need is just a little patience
Said sugar make it slow
And we'll come together fine
All we need is just a little patience
(inhale) Patience...
Ooh, oh, yeah

Sit here on the stairs
'Cause I'd rather be alone
If I can't have you right now, I'll wait dear
Sometimes, I get so tense
But I can't speed up the time
But you know, love, there's one more thing to consider
Said woman take it slow
Things will be just fine
You and I'll just use a little patience
Said sugar take the time
'Cause the lights are shining bright
You and I've got what it takes to make it
We won't fake it, Oh never break it
'Cause I can't take it

...little patience, mm yeah, ooh yeah,
Need a little patience, yeah
Just a little patience, yeah
Some more pati... (ence, yeah)
I've been walking these streets at night
Just trying to get it right (Need some patience, yeah)
It's hard to see with so many around
You know I don't like being stuck in a crowd (Could use some patience, yeah)
And the streets don't change but maybe the name
I ain't got time for the game
'Cause I need you (Patience, yeah)
Yeah, yeah well I need you
Oh, I need you (Take some patience)
Whoa, I need you (Just a little patience is all we need)
Ooh, this ti- me....

Already Gone by Kelly Clarkson

Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone [Exclusive]
Uploaded by Henrietta-Aime-Fumer_Tv. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

Even with our fists held high
It never would've worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hold you, now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you want to cry

Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so, I love you enough to let you go

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Already gone, already gone, already gone
Already gone, already gone, already gone, yeah

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter
Where we take this road someone's gotta go
And I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on so I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone
You can't make it feel right when you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone, already gone
There's no moving on so I'm already gone

Meet Me Halfway by Black Eyed Peas

The Black Eyed Peas - Meet Me Halfway
Uploaded by AuronTheBossAndTheBest. - Explore more music videos.

I can't go any further then this
I want you so badly, it's my biggest wish

Cool,
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day yes, I'm really missin' missin' you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl, what's up, it use to used to be just me and you
I spent my time just thinkin thinkin thinkin bout you
Every single day, yes I'm really missin missin you
And all those things we use to use to use to do
Hey girl what's up, yo what's up, what's up, what's up

Can you meet me halfway, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Girl, I travel round the world and even sail the seven seas
Across the universe I go to other galaxies
Just tell me where to go, just tell me where you wanna meet
I navigate myself myself to take me where you be
Cause girl I want, I, I, I want you right now
I travel uptown (town) I travel downtown
Wanna have you around (round) like every single day
I love you alway... way
(I'll meet you halfway

Can you meet me half way)
Right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish

Let's walk the bridge, to the other side
Just you and I (just you and I)
I will fly, fly the skies, for you and I (for you and I)
I will try, until I die, for you and I, for you and I, for for for you and I,
For for for you and I, for for you and I, for you and I

Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way
Can you meet me half way

Meet me half way, right at the borderline
That's where I'm gonna wait, for you
I'll be lookin out, night n'day
Took my heart to the limit, and this is where I'll stay
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish
I can't go any further then this
I want you so bad it's my only wish



And for the just plain NASTY!!

Play by David Banner

David Banner - Play
Uploaded by le_michael. -

Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Finger fuck your pussy like you want some, girl
Work it like a nigga straight licking on your pearl
I wanna see you cum in the middle of the dance floor
A nigga can't fuck, what you think your finger made for
I'ma beat that pussy up
You get it wet enough, I might lick it up
Lickey, lickey, lickey, like a peppermint swirl
Lick that clit
Cum girl
Uh, I wanna see your legs shake
Take you to the crib, we can fuck til the bed break
Uh, fuck you til your pussy ache
Think about the type right now, girl, mastur
(Uh uh) bate for a nigga, freak you in the clubs
stop worrying about them other hoes
It's me in your world
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum when you're feeling good, lick it all off
Catch it in your mouth, like your last name Moss
Play with the nitty girl, stick it on in
I'm feeling real freaky girl, bring your friends
I can make 'em bounce like 1, 2, 3
It ain't nothin' to a pimp, girl, play with the g-spot
Make it hot, gon on, get your girl, Sheryl
Bring your clique
Cum girl
And I'ma make 'em all cum
Beat it like Mr. Calipark on the drum
I'ma beat it like Mike when he fucked Billie Jean
Work it, work it, work it, til you make that pussy cream
Move it to the right, move your finger to the left
Work it all around til your ass outta breath
I ain't tripping on ya baby, put some dick in your world
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Bend it on over, lemme see it from the back
Work your thumb in it girl, I love it like that
Freaky ass hoes, lil freaky ass men
Lemme work ya slow, lemme see it going in
Then you pull it out, put your fingers in your mouth
You make a nigga wanna fuck your ass on the couch
While we're still in the club, show your pussy love
Work that clit
Cum girl
Go on and hit the dance floor
Open up wide, lemme show you what's it made for
Uh, like a finger, like a donkey
Lemme see you play, play with your monkey
Damn, cause your ass so chunky
Bring it here, sweaty, cause I love it when it's funky
I'ma put some dick in your world
Work that clit
Cum girl

Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Cum girl, I'm tryna get your pussy wet
Work that, lemme see you drip sweat
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Gon play with it
Work that clit
Cum girl

Work that clit
Cum girl

It has been confirmed...

that Stalker is truly an asshole! Remember how he told me that he and his brother would move me? The move that is scheduled for two weeks from now? Well, tonight when he came by to get his Wii that I picked up for him, he informed me (quite casually) that he would be out of town that weekend. Bet we can all guess where he will be and with whom he will be. Guess we can't even be friends, because I would never leave a friend hanging like that so close to the big day...

It just amazes me that someone who seemed so kind and giving and positive turned out to be such a cold uncaring soul.

So now I have the pleasure of coming up with money to pay movers a few days before Christmas. Fanfuckingtabulous...

Sick...Again...

Yesterday went pretty much according to plan. While I was at the football party, my head began to ache though. It just continued to get worse, so I came home earlier than I'd planned. My face was aching and my head felt heavy. Sinus sufferers should recognize this pain as the onset of a sinus infection. I had been texting with Stalker occasionally since our little dinner date Thursday. I told him he could come over last night and help me pack. He somehow ended up at a party of his own, so he was out much later than I was. He still came by. I was in bed, and he just joined me. I do believe he was a little drunk, because he wasn't conscious very long! That was fine. I felt like shit anyway. Unfortunately, I woke up horny this morning and practically forced Stalker to give me some. Again, we messed up the friend vow! Oh well.

Needless to say, I didn't get up in time to make it to the new church. Once Stalker left, I hopped in the shower. I thought I felt fine until I began my search about town for a Wii. Oh...my head! I had to call and cancel my date with the E-Harmony guy. He understood and agreed to get together sometime this week or next weekend.

My aches and pains didn't stop my search for the Wii though! Wal-Mart has a special going on...Wii's are $199 AND you get a $50 Wal-Mart gift card! I trekked through four different Wal-Marts before I finally found one though! Score! I sent Stalker a text to let him know where I finally found one, because he was planning to catch the deal too. I ended up getting his for him...yes, he's gonna pay me back! So now, I'll be seeing him tonight when he picks up his Wii.

Now I feel worse than ever...the Wii is still in the box.

Busy Busy Weekend!

Thursday night Stalker came over for dinner and a DVD. Things are a little better between us now...less strained and more friendly. We had a nice time, even though his wine cork broke my cork screw! He didn't have a chance to drink his wine because we couldn't get the cork out. Last time he was here, he broke my wine topper/stopper thingy. Luckily, I opened my wine before his Thursday, which means I got tipsy and Stalker didn't! :-) Yay me! No worries...it didn't lead to any sexual activities. We sat closely on the couch with my legs over his lap. That's as wild and crazy as the night got! Oh yeah, Bookstore Boy called while Stalker was here. I hadn't heard from him since the day after he found me at another bookstore. Can we say "ignore", boys and girls?

Last night after work, I had some quality Christmas shopping time with my gay boyfriend. I'll be getting together with all my gay boyfriends before Christmas for dinner and gift exchange. I wasn't really sure what to get two of them, because they are your stereotypically finicky gay men. I'm never quite sure of the borders of tackiness to them! They have these odd collections, and I think I managed to find something fitting for them both.

Today is lunch with a girlfriend and FOOTBALL!!! One of my coworkers is having an SEC Championship party at her house today. You know what that means? Football, alcohol, and food!! We may be hitting the streets after the game.

Tomorrow I'm trying out a new church. I'm not a big fan of organized religion, as folks in the South tend to thump those Bibles a bit too much. I've found a place of worship in my city that welcomes all faiths. I'm checking it out tomorrow. Afterward, I'm meeting up with one of my E-Harmony matches. I'm not sure if he is worthy of a nickname just yet, so I'll hold off on that. Wish me luck!

Oh, and somewhere in all this I have to pack for my move in two weeks!

More Sexy for your Soul!

Because I've been listening to music more lately, I keep finding songs I want to share. Yes, I know my taste tends to be eclectic. And yes, just about all the songs that appear on my blog are on my iPod! I just got home from the gym and thought I would share some girl power with you! Okay, so the last one isn't a girl...

One More Addiction by Natalie Imbruglia

Natalie Imbruglia HRL One more addiction
Uploaded by portalimbrugliavideos. - See the latest featured music videos.

One More Addiction
First the good news
It's gonna feel very nice
Then the bad news
You gotta pay a heavy price
Rip tide,we slide we ride on a deep forbidden sea
Under we go-so slow
And you're hanging onto me
And I say
Oh oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
out of sight forever (from my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do
I reject you
But I can't follow through
I'd forget you
Bud you'd end up tappin' on my back door
Somehow I lost myself
In a tunnel long and black
Somewhere,at the end,I pretend
There's a way of turning back
(Chorus)
Take a breath
Let it out
All the things you frown about are meaningless of course,unless you're
doing this for real I guess
I meant to to but
I don't know what
Is in the way and could I say
It's you in bet
I won't forget
Maybe I'm not ready yet
(Chorus)

You Make Me Sick by Pink



You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip

I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it

You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You were doin' me sick

He was doin' 8-0 on the freeway
In the 6 double 0, bumpin' Isley
He was gettin' kinda close, kinda touch-ay
'Cuz he had a little too much Hennessey

He told me that he wanna go home
With me up on the hill to my condo
Told me he would keep it all on the low-low
But I told him, "Boo, I don't really know though"

He got closer to me, it started gettin' deep
He had me in a zone
When he started to show me things
I never saw before

Baby, it was smooth but I knew it was game
Hell-of-a-cool but you men are the same
The way he licked his lips and touched my hips
I knew that he was slick

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
I get too hot when you touch the tip

I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it

You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick

In the 6 now, so hot
Gotta pull all the windows down eyes lead
And I'm thinkin' bout the sheets now
Wonderin' should I really take it there now

He told me he would make it worth it
Again, how many times have I heard this
Kinda funny, but I wasn't even nervous
Well his slick-ass lines was kinda workin'

I felt my knees get weak
His body was callin' me
Just couldn't take the heat
Anyway it was 2 or 3, I had to get off the streets

Baby was cool but I knew it was game
Said, he was too schooled to be screamin' my name
Even though we made the best of it
I still told him this

"You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip"

"I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it"

"You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again
You make me sick"

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip

I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it

You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Got me lit like a candlestick
Get too hot when you touch the tip

I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit
Can't get enough of it

You got me goin' again
Baby, you got me goin' again

You make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it
Hot when you touch the tip
I'm feelin' it, I gotta getta grip
And it's drivin' me crazy
Baby don't you quit

Can't no no no no no
Oh, you make me sick
I want you and I'm hatin' it

Day 'N' Nightby Kid Cudi

Kid Cudi - Day 'N' Nite
Uploaded by UniversalMusicGroup. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

Day and night (what, what)
I toss and turn, I keep stressing my mind, mind (what, what)
I look for peace but see I don't attain (what, what)
What I need for keeps this silly game we play, play
Now look at this (what, what)
Madness to magnet keeps attracting me, me (what, what)
I try to run but see I'm not that fast (what, what)
I think I'm first but surely finish last, last

[Chorus:]
Cuz day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone, some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Kid Cudi:]
Hold the phone (what, what)
The lonely stoner, mr. solo doe low (what, what)
He's on the move can't seem to shake the shade (what, what)
Within his dreams he see's the life he made, made
The pain is deep (what, what)
A silent sleeper you won't hear a peep, peep (what, what)
The girl he wants don't see no one into (what, what)
It seems the feelings that she had are through, through

[Chorus:]
Cuz day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone, some things will never change (yeah) (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his(yeah) mind at night (at, at, at night)

[Kid Cudi:]
Slow moe, (what, what)
When the temple slows up and creates that new, new (what, what)
He seems alive though he is feeling blue (what, what)
The sun is shining man he's super cool, cool
The lonely nights (what, what)
They fade away he slips into his white nights (what, what)
He smokes a clip and then he's on the way (what, what)
To free his mind in search of,
To free his mind in search of,
To free his mind in search of,

[Chorus:]
Cuz day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone through the day and night
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)
Day and night
The lonely stoner seems to free his mind at night
He's all alone, some things will never change (never change)
The lonely loner seems to free his mind at night (at, at, at night)

At, at, at night

Sexy Song of the Week

Picture by Sheryl Crow and Kid Rock

Sheryl crow & kid rock - picture
Uploaded by Alexander_Band. - See the latest featured music videos.

Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl everynight at the hotel
I ain't seen the sunshine in three damn days

Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whiskey
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord, I wonder if I'll ever change my ways

I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her

I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you, while I'm lyin' next to her

I called you last night in the hotel
Everyone knows but they won't tell
But their half hearted smiles tell me
Somethin' just ain't right

I been waitin' on you for a long time
Fuelin' up on heartaches and cheap wine
I ain't heard from you in three damn nights

I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him

I put your picture away
I wonder where you've been
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to him

I saw you yesterday with an old friend
It was the same old same, "How have you been?"
Since you been gone my world's been dark and gray

You reminded me of brighter days
I hoped you were comin' home to stay
I was headed to church
I was off to drink you away

I thought about you for a long time
Can't seem to get you off my mind
I can't understand why we're living life this way

I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say, ?I want you to come back home?

I found your picture today
I swear I'll change my ways
I just called to say, ?I want you to come back home?

I just called to say, ?I love you, come back home?



Bring Me Some Water by Melissa Etheridge



Bring Me Some Water
Tonight I feel so weak
But all in love is fair
I turn the other cheek
And I feel the slap and the sting of the foul night air
And I know you're only human
And I haven't got talking room
But tonight while I'm making excuses
Some other woman is making love to you

Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see I'm burning alive
Can't you see my baby's got another lover
I don't know how I'm gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see it's out of control
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul

When will this aching pass
When will this night be through
I want to hear the breaking glass
I only feel the steel of the red hot truth
And I'd do anything to get it out of my mind
I need some insanity that temporary kind
Tell me how will I ever be the same
When I know that woman is whispering your name

Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see I'm burning alive
Can't you see my baby's got another lover
I don't know how I'm gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see it's out of control
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul

Oh, the Devil's got my soul

Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see I'm burning alive
Can't you see my baby's got another lover
I don't know how I'm gonna survive
Somebody bring me some water
Can't you see it's out of control
Baby's got my heart and my baby's got my mind
But tonight the sweet Devil's got my soul

Why I Fell...

I've been doing a little self-reflection the last couple days. Suddenly, it hit me! I know why I fell for Stalker so hard and quickly! In order to explain it, I'm gonna have to divulge some personal information that I've never shared on this blog. I try not to tell too much about my life here other than dating incidents and experiences, because, well, it's a dating blog! But here goes...

If you notice I got awfully quiet during the first part of this year after I moved. The best explanation for that hiatus was because Sane wasn't so sane during those months. Mid to late 2008 I began struggling financially. I filed bankruptcy at the beginning of this year and lost my house. Some of that failure can be attributed to my own stupidity while much of it was because of outstanding medical bills and continuing medication costs. No matter the reason, it was a blow to my pride and I fell into a depression. I mean, it hurt to come home to this tiny apartment after living in a spacious home that I worked so hard to pay for. Not to mention, I had gained sooo much weight (due to said medication), I lost all self-esteem. I tried to keep a smile on my face and keep my head up, but it all just took a toll on me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I was in a job I hated and that stressed the shit out of me. Said job had also caused the illness with which I was dealing. So basically....over the last couple years, I found myself sinking deeper and deeper into a dark dark depression. I felt like every time things started looking up, I was knocked down even harder. For instance, the day after my bankruptcy was discharged, some juvenile delinquent at my "rewarding" job smashed in the windshield of my car and jumped up and down on the roof of it. He caused close to $2000 worth of damages. I had to pay the $500 deductible, take days off for court (out of my sick time), and never saw a penny of the money he was to pay back. And no, I didn't make the kid angry. I didn't even know the kid! It was random.

Compound all this with a dysfunctional family who can't EVER get along long enough to enjoy a simple holiday, coming home to an empty apartment (well, except my two cats!), and spending my weekends alone, I began to feel so isolated from the world. I didn't go out anymore...I didn't try new things or meet new people. I just became a hermit, really. Actually, the very night that I met Stalker, I almost ended it. Luckily I have a good friend who ended her date to come sit with me and save my life. The last few years (even before 2008) have been so emotionally exhausting, I had forgotten the good, simple, fun parts of life.

Enter Stalker and his chipper, smiling face. He was a positive ray of light in my dark world every time he came around. With him, it was always cup half full, and that appealed to me. I couldn't get enough. I forgot all my worries. He found me physically attractive and couldn't keep his hands off me, which has done wonders for my self-esteem again. I no longer felt ugly, unwanted, and fat. He is active and enjoys getting out and doing fun things, like bowling, putt putt, and horseback riding! I hadn't done all that in....well...never! He became my anti-depressant. He woke me up, slapped me in the face, and said "Why the hell aren't you living life when there is so much to live for??" (Okay, so he didn't ACTUALLY do all that! But he did...) I care about Stalker for so many more reasons than good sex and an occasional laugh. As much as I would love to have Stalker as my very own, I might have to accept that he could have been brought into my life for only one purpose...to save me and make me live again. Hopefully, he will hang around to witness me living life. :-)

Facebook me!

Hey! I just started a FB page for my blog! You should look up "So Why Are You Single?" and become a fan! Thanks in advance! :-)

Hello, just call me Jacob!

I went to see New Moon last night, and I feel like Jacob. Used as comfort in the absence of the obsession of the object of my affection. But for some reason, I still care, even though Stalker obviously doesn't feel the same way. Unrequited love...it's a feeling that has been written about in books and portrayed on stage and in movies for years, decades, and centuries.

Friday night, Stalker texted me saying, "How bout you give me a massage?" around 11:00. I told him, "Maybe tomorrow." And he responded with "I guess I'll turn around then." I told him that that was quite presumptuous of him to think he could just pop up on a Friday night. He just said, "Ok I'll just take my drunk butt home then." I again responded with "maybe tomorrow". Saturday morning I sent a "Good morning sunshine!" text around 11:00, to which he responded "Morning" at 2:00 PM. I sent back, "LOL. A little past morning!" And then there was nothing...

Around 4:15, I sent him a text that said, "If you still want that massage, be at my place around 11:30 ;). You're gonna need it after (insert football team name) kicks that (insert Stalker's fave team) ass!" Again no response....

I went to see New Moon at 7:00, and we got out around 9:30. I then sent another text asking if his lack of response meant he wasn't coming. He told me he was watching the game with his family. Um...that didn't answer my question! Then he told me he would let me know soon. Way to keep me hanging! Finally, around midnight, he texted saying he wasn't going to make it. WTF??? Why didn't he just say no from the beginning??

I called him and lit into his ass! I think I've reached my breaking point. I care about him and would love to continue what we started. He clearly is trying to keep the door open, but he isn't willing to walk through it. I think he is afraid to feel something real and powerful, so he put on the brakes. I know he doesn't desire "her" the way he does me. Things shouldn't be so difficult. Stalker told me he wasn't sure if his feelings for me were genuine or just lust. That is why he is pushing me away...so he can see what is best for him. I think it's all bullshit. I'm a firm believer that if you are feeling it, go with it. He admitted he was denying wanting to see me and be with me purposely. Why deny what makes you happy and feel good? Feelings aren't always rational and logical. He said no other woman had gotten to him and confused him this way. I'm sorry, but the way he looks at me isn't lust. Wanting to spend time with someone just to hear their voice and see their face isn't lust. We had moved beyond the sex buddies thing and were spending QUALITY time together. Lust doesn't want quality time. Lust just wants to get off.

For you, Stalker...

My Love by Jill Scott

Jill Scott - My Love [New Video]
Uploaded by Yannicklord. - Watch more music videos, in HD!

Yo I'm trippin right?
I heard you got married.
You got married?
That don't really..
It don't really make any sense.
I mean,
it's not like I didn't think you were
seeing other people or whatever
i mean,
i was seeing other people you know what this is
you know what it was
I can't say I really understand though..


Verse 1:
You chose her cuz she's sweet as pie
take what you give even your lies,
but baby are you happy, without me?
she scrubs your back, washes your clothes,
gives you everything that you ask for..
but don't you ever want more? cuz, my love..

chorus: my love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire..
didn't u know this? or didn't you notice?
my love is deeper, tighter, sweeter, higher, fire..
didn't u know this? or didn't you notice?

verse 2: mm.
what we had don't need no words
deeper than anything you ever heard
i ain't reachin baby, i know i should be your lady
you say you're happy,
you say you're great,
but you know and i know you really ain't
you need to come be with me
that's the way it's supposed to be..

my love is...
deeper.
sweeter.
ooh oooh ooh
my love. you know know know...
didn't you notice?

cuz all...All I ever do
is think about you baby.
I hold you in my arms, inside my dreams..
And I know what I know, and what I know is
that no matter where you go, you will always think of me, MY LOVE.

(repeat chorus throughout)
ad lib:
you know baby you know
my love is deeper
wider
didn't you notice baby?

deeper
tighter
sweeter
fire babe..


Oh well, I guess I'm off to answer messages from old short men on E-Harmony! :-)

Feed him...he will come (and cum!)

First, I want to wish everyone a happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all had a better one than I did! Per usual, my family had a big argument that ruined the whole day. I hate that they upset my grandmother. But anyway...this is a dating blog.

Okay, here is a run-down of the last week or so with Stalker. Of course, last week (Tuesday 11/17), he cut off my sex intake. Wednesday night we tried to go to dinner, but I had a killer migraine, and we didn't make it very far. Actually, we argued because he tried to change our plans for that upcoming weekend. So that night was cut short. Thursday night, he came over after his softball game, and I presented him with his birthday gift. He was just excited that it was in a purple gift bag, because it's his favorite color! Funny, the things that entertain us. Inside that bag was a t-shirt for his favorite college football team, the 1st season of True Blood on DVD, and his favorite candy and gum. He then told me that those were the first and only gifts he had gotten for his birthday, with the exception of a bottle of wine when he visited the "ex". Really??? Just a bottle of wine??? Needless to say, he was thrilled and became quite affectionate. He sat right next to me on the couch, rubbing my leg and kissing my cheek. Um...confusing much? He did leave to go home after a couple hours.

Friday night, I surprised him and took him to one of his favorite sushi spots. Because he didn't know where we were going, he arrived at my place carrying three different outfits and asked me to choose. Once I chose the outfit, he stripped down in my living room to change. Really??? Did he have to wear my favorite boxer briefs and SHOW them to me? Not making this platonic thing too easy! Dinner was nice and comfortable. We were going to go for ice cream at the place next door, but the line there was out the door and down the street. We settled for Starbucks instead. Then we headed back to my place for a DVD. Once we got inside and I put my to-go box in the fridge, Stalker grabbed me as I came out of the kitchen and hugged me. He told me I had given him the best birthday ever. As he pulled away from the hug, he rubbed my hips and sides and gave me that "look"...the look I noticed when I realized we had crossed the friends with benefits line. I wasn't sure what to do, so I said, "Well, let's get this movie started!" I sat in my usual spot on the couch, but Stalker did not. He just paced around my apartment. I finally asked him if he was going to sit down. He said, "I guess so." When he did sit, he sat at the other end of the couch on the very edge of the cushion, leaning forward with his elbows on his thighs. He looked like he was getting ready to jump up and run! He sat like that for close to an hour. I kept telling him to get comfortable, even joking once saying that I wouldn't attack him if he sat back on the couch. He blamed his position on the pain in his legs from playing softball the previous two nights. I'm still not sure if he just didn't trust me or didn't trust himself. Again, the night ended with us talking/arguing about the tension, although there really was none until we got to the couch. He told me that he realized he shouldn't have been so affectionate the night before if we were trying to keep it friendly. He left around midnight.

Monday night rolls around, and I had plans to meet a girlfriend out for bowling. Since Friday night's incident I had only heard from Stalker a couple times via text. I told him that we would be bowling and let him know he was welcome to join us. Honestly, I thought he would bow out, but he popped up at the bowling alley and closed it down with us. He had never met this friend of mine before, and yet he conversed with her more than he did with me! She even noted the tension between us. He didn't look me in the eye, and he definitely wasn't his usual chipper self. After we all went our separate ways, I called him to address the issue. I mean, I'm willing to be friends, but it shouldn't be so strained. He claimed he didn't realize he had gone so far in the opposite direction of our usual "couple-y" behavior but understood where I was coming from when I gave him examples of his unusual behavior.

Tuesday, in an attempt to mend our strained friendship, I invited him to come over for dinner after work. All the food was cooked and ready for consumption when he arrived. We even cracked open a bottle of wine, and things were going smoothly. We were enjoying one another's company again! After dinner, I made my way to my spot on the couch with my wine glass in hand. He followed me with his and the bottle of wine. He sat right next to me...like closer than ever! Again...confused! He put his arm around my shoulders, thanked me for dinner, pulled me to him, and kissed me! What tha???? Make up your mind already!! I didn't make any comments. We were watching some of the first season of True Blood (I've never seen the 1st few episodes), and Stalker began rubbing his stomach...or I thought that was what he was rubbing! I asked if he was okay, and he said, "I have drunk penis". Um...what? He then explained that alcohol makes him hard. I just said, "And here I thought I made you hard." He laughed and told me, "Yeah, it's your toes in the candlelight." Then the conversation turned to the myth that alcohol makes it soft. Of course, under the influence of wine and my extreme horniness, I just had to ask if I could touch it. He told me yes, to my surprise. And that, my friends, is how we had a replay of our last sexual encounter on the couch. As I straddled him, he whined softly and feebly, "But we're not supposed to..." Neither of us stopped.

Both of us had other plans later in the night, so he left soon after, giving me a hug and a kiss. I felt like shit for doing it, even though I thoroughly enjoyed it. I know this will just push him further away.

Sexy Song of the Week #2 (Deluxe Edition)

While making the drive to my grandmother's for Thanksgiving today, I had my iPod on shuffle. I found a couple more sexy songs (from back in the day) that I wanted to share.

To Make You Feel My Love by Garth Brooks

To Make You Feel My Love - Garth Brooks

When the rain's blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I would offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
So no doubt in my mind where you belong

I'd go hungry, I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling down the avenue
There ain't nothing that I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging on a rolling sea
And down the highway of regret
The winds of change are blowing wild and free
But you ain't seen nothin' like me yet

There ain't nothin' that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends of the earth for you
Make you happy, make your dreams come true
To make you feel my love

Give Love a Try by Tyrese

Give Love A Try - Tyrese

Now you know you can't deny
what you're feeling inside
you want me
and before you left my sight
it was running through my mind
I want you

you know what you want
and I know what you need
it's me it's me babe
you felt it in your heart
and I knew it right from the start
it's love

Give love a try
please give give love a try
give love a try
please give give love a try

Just forget about the past
give me your loving real fast
lets do this
if you put in your mind
give my loving just one try
I'll love you

You know what you want
I know what you need
it's me
give love a try

Give love a try
please give give love a try
give love a try
please give give love a try Give love a try
please give give love a try
give love a try
please give give love a try

And you say no no no no
but I say yeah yeah yeah yeah
and you say no no no no
but I say yeah yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus Fade out..]

Twisted by Keith Sweat

Twisted - Keith Sweat

Oh yeah baby
You got to make your mind up
Yeah, Kut Klose, help me out

[1]-You know you are my lover
You got me twisted over you
I know i got what you need
So what you wanna do

Baby, baby I know
Baby I love you so
But you don't feel like I do
Tell me what can I do

[2]-But I gotta be strong
Did me wrong
When I thought we were really down
So you say you want me
Make up your mind
Cuz I'm not gonna be here for long

[Repeat 1]
Baby, baby in time
Baby I know you'll find
That what you needed was here
Think about it my dear

[Repeat 2]

[Repeat 1]

Breaking up now
You got me twisted
Thinking about the way things used to be
When it was you and me girl I was free
See you had my heart from the start
Like Cupid and I was just down right foolish and stupid
But now I know the reason for the pain and the headaches
You left me all alone now I can't even concentrate
I guess I'll wait for the day until you come back
Because my heart is where your love is at
You got me twisted

[Repeat 1 (2x)]

Sexy Song of the Week

Bad Things by Jace Everett

The True Blood fans out there should recognize this one!

Free of Blog-Blockers

Since I was so suddenly interrupted by Bookstore Boy while writing my last blog, I'm adding another to continue my original thoughts.

What was I saying? Oh, I can't imagine sex with anyone else except Stalker. I said it eleven hours ago, and I still believe it! I'm not going to get into the details right this moment, but I have spent four evenings with Stalker since his return from the "ex's" state. None of those evenings have resulted in a slumber party or any sexual fun. Actually, most of those times have been quite strained and tense. I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. I don't know if he has lost all feelings for me or if he is going out of his way to resist temptation. I do know that I still want him...maybe more than ever. It pains me to be with him and not know what he is thinking or feeling. But I don't want to lose him from my life either, even if as just a friend. Stalker hurt his knee last week, playing softball. He was still in pain tonight when he joined me and a girlfriend for bowling. I just wanted to reach out and hold him. I know this makes no sense. Not much has lately. I just know that I feel so much more for him than even I thought I did. I now realize that Stalker had awakened parts of me that I thought had died or at least had become numb. I want to nurture him, to cook (what tha???) for him, and to be with him all the time. The feeling is so strong it almost creeps me out!

E-Harmony update: It sucks! Most of my matches don't fall into my age and/or height requirements. What's up with all the old short men?? Yeah, they need love too, but I can't reach down and give it to them!

Today just after my girlfriend and I got settled into our little spot at a different bookstore, Bookstore Boy showed up and made himself at home. Again, he blog-blocked me! And he just wouldn't go away. At one point when my friend excused herself to go to the restroom, he grabbed my thigh and told me he wants to see me again...alone. Ewww...creepy!

Can't Get Away!

It's been a week and a half, and I miss Stalker's caress, kiss, the weight of his body on mine, and the thrills and chills I felt as he would grind slowly and deeply inside me. I may go out with other people, but I honestly can't imagine having sex with anyone else. Stalker has set the bar, and that bar is high, my friends!

Oh damn, Bookstore Boy is here! And I'm even in a different bookstore!!

Intervention

Stalker and I spoke again last night. He has cut me off from my addicktion. No more sex. He said he needs to clear his mind and figure out what he wants. That's pretty much all the conversation boils down to. He isn't back together with his "ex". He isn't having sex with either of us (so he says). He just wants to step away from the physical and clear the cloudiness in his head. So yeah...still no answers and now no sex...

Sexy Song of the Week

I Love You by Sarah McLachlan



I have a smile
stretched from ear to ear
to see you walking down the road

We meet at the lights
I stare for a while
the world around us disappears

it`s Just you and me
on my island of hope
a breath between us could be miles
Let me surround you
my sea to your shore
let me be the calm you seek

Oh but every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

And I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for I cannot find the words to say I need you so

Oh but every time I'm close to you
there's too much I can't say
and you just walk away

And I forgot
to tell you
I love you
and the night's
too long
and cold here
without you
I grieve in my condition
for i cannot find the words to say i need you so

Happy Birthday Stalker

Sigh. So this was the dreaded weekend. Stalker's birthday weekend with the "ex". He is still with her. I've heard nothing from him since Thursday night when he sent me a text to let me know he made it there safely. Wow! Yeah, so now all I can think about every night is him wrapped around her instead of me. I didn't realize how difficult this weekend would be. I sent him a text earlier today saying happy birthday, and of course, I got no response. Sigh.

For those of you wondering how the rest of our talk went on Tuesday night, here goes. He came over to spend the night. The talk took place as we were lying in bed. I again told him that I didn't want him to go. He explained that this weekend was about he and the "ex" deciding what they were going to do. The conversation then moved to his feelings about me. I asked him when he realized he felt for me as more than a friend. He said it was when my grandfather died. He said he noticed that he constantly worried about how I was feeling and how I was handling it. He knew then that he had crossed the friend line, because he just wanted to comfort me. He went on to describe how being with me was like a "breath of fresh air" and that he didn't know he could feel this way about someone else. It confused him, because he thought he was supposed to be with "her". He knew that he crossed the line when he wanted to see me all the time, if only for a few minutes. So he knew before I did really! I came right out and asked Stalker if he really wants a relationship with his "ex". His response? "I don't know." Uh duh! Shouldn't that be a clue??? He then said that he needs to talk to her about it this weekend. I then asked if he wanted what was going on between me and him to end, and he told me no. Again....duh! Next I asked what will happen to us if he gets back together with her. He said, "I guess we will have to go back to being friends." I said, "Is that what you want? Could you do that?" He said, "It would suck, but it's what we would have to do if I'm in a committed relationship." Um...wow!! All I could say is "Do you even hear yourself? You practically admitted you don't want the relationship!" We talked a little more, but the conversation basically went in circles with no real answers. He doesn't know what he wants. He said he just wants everybody to be happy. Um...buddy...someone is going to be unhappy in the end. That's the ugly part of a love triangle. To make matters worse, Stalker's car wouldn't start on Wednesday morning, so I had to take him to work, making me extremely late to my job! His dad brought him over to get his car during his lunch. I still wonder what he told his dad about where he spent the night before.

Since I had the sinking feeling that I was going to be the unhappy one, I decided to make his last sexual experience with me one he would never forget. Stalker came by my place after work on Wednesday evening. I met him at the door in a sexy black and green nightie with no panties. I had the candlelight and LOTR playing on the TV. I pulled him into my apartment and undressed him while I let my lips and tongue wonder all over his body. I led him to the couch, sat him down, got on my knees and gave him a BJ he will never forget. Just before he was about to cum, I straddled him and rode him until he was about to explode. He told me that was his favorite "nookie time" with me ever. This is the first and only time we neglected to use a condom and he didn't pull out. Let's pray that my BC pill really does work! I've never tested it!

After we laid around in the after-orgasm glow, it was back to reality. Stalker had to meet "her" mother to get some things to take to "her" for her new apartment. Isn't that nice of him to travel all that way to take "her" things for his birthday weekend? I wonder if "her" mother could smell me on him...

Before you all start with the comments, yes I know you may think I disrespected myself, but I wanted to enjoy Stalker one last time before this weekend. I do have hopes that he comes back and wants to try things with me, but I am realistic...as sad as that makes me.

In other news...when I went out with some girlfriends last weekend, I met a new guy. We will call him Mr. International. He is obviously a foreigner to this country. He seemed like a nice guy, and we talked for quite a while. I gave him my number. I figured if nothing else, he may be a good distraction from Stalker, as you all know I've been looking. On Wednesday just when I thought I wouldn't hear from him, I received a text asking me if he could call me after 7:00 when he got home. I told him sure and I was looking forward to talking to him. Uh...he called at 10:45. And yeah, I was already asleep. Really not a good time for a first conversation when you are a school teacher! The next day I texted him to let him know I was already asleep. So....he tried again on Thursday night....at 10:00!! Really??? Not much better. Again, I was already asleep. You would think he would catch on, right? So Friday, he called at 12:45 in the afternoon. Hello???? I'm a teacher!!! Can't chat during class! By now, I was already irritated. When I listened to his voicemail, he suggested we get together on Saturday. Unfortunately, I was headed out of town to visit my BFF. I sent him a text to let him know I would be out of town for the weekend. So sometime Friday night I guess he thought it would be a good idea to call again. He left a voicemail saying that he hopes I like talking on the phone. He also said it's okay that I went out of town. I'm not real sure what to think of that statement, as he said it like I had asked his permission! So far Mr. International is off to a rocky start.

Sexy Song of the Week

Given the recent comments on my blog from people who can't seem to understand the way things have developed between me and Stalker, I decided to dedicate today's Sexy Song of the Week to songs written about these very situations. It's apparently not uncommon to have someone you care about, and yet fall for someone else by surprise.

You Make Me Wanna by Usher

Usher - You Make Me Wanna
Uploaded by sweetgapeach. - See the latest featured music videos.

This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do
This is what you do

Chorus:

You make me wanna leave the one I'm with to
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and all the things that come along with
Make me
You make me

Verse 1:

Before anything became between us
You were like my best friend
The one I used to run and talk to
When me and my girl was having problems
You used to say it would be okay
Suggest little nice things I should do
And when I go home at night and lay my head down
All I seem to think about was you
And how you make me wanna

Chorus:

leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and all the things that come along with
Make me
You make me

Verse 2:

Now what's bad is you're the one that hooked us up
Knowing it should have been you
And what's sad is that I love her but I'm falling for you
What should I do
Should I tell my baby bye-bye
Should I do exactly what I feel inside
Cause I, I don't wanna go, don't need to stay
But I really need to get it together

Chorus:

You make me wanna leave the one I'm with
Start a new relationship with you (see what you do?)
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me (you make me)
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with (oh baby)
Start a new relationship with you (this is what you do)
This is what you do (ehhh)
Think about her and all the things that come along with
Make me
You make me

Verse 3:

At this point the situation's out of control
I never meant to hurt her
But I gotta let her go
And she may not understand it
Why all of this is going on
I tried, I tried to fight
But the feeling's just too strong

you make me
you make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna
You make me wanna

Chorus x2:

leave the one I'm with (see what you do?)
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about a ring and all the things that come along with
You make me
You make me wanna leave the one I'm with (oh baby)
Start a new relationship with you
This is what you do
Think about her and all the things that come along with
Make me
You make me

Run to You by Bryan Adams



She says her love for me could never die
But that'd change if she ever found out about you and I

Oh - but her love is cold
Would it hurt her if she didn't know, cause...

When it gets too much
I need to feel your touch

I’m gonna run to you
I’m gonna run to you
Cause when the feelings right I'm gonna run all night
I’m gonna run to you

She's got a heart of gold she'd never let me down
But you're the woman that always turns me on
You keep me coming round

I know her love is true
But it's so damn easy making love to you

I got my mind made up
I need to feel your touch

I’m gonna run to you
Yeah - I'm gonna run to you
Cause when the feeling right I'm gonna stay all night

I’m gonna run to you
Yeah - I'm gonna run to you
Oh when the feeling right I'm gonna run all night
I'm gonna run to you

By the way, Stalker and I did talk a little more last night, but I'll write more on that later.

Bowling Anyone?

After that wonderful Thursday night with Stalker, we got back into our text routine during the work day. It continued into Friday evening, and then he went silent until Saturday morning. He sent a text telling me that he fell out at 9ish Friday night and slept until about 11:00 on Saturday morning. This isn't surprising after the week he had. He then told me to have a good weekend. Um...huh?? I replied that I was hoping he'd be a part of my weekend, to which he said that it would be a family weekend since he would be out of town the next weekend (visiting "her" for his birthday). This is the text convo from there:

Me: I don't want you to go
Stalker: :(
Me: I need to talk to you
Stalker: K. Bout what?
Me: What do you think?
Stalker: Its too early for me to think...
Me: Do you even remember our talk on Thursday morning?
Stalker: I do.
Me: And what are your thoughts on it?
Stalker: I honestly don't know
Me: Well you acted like you wanted to move forward Thursday night. I think you should give me...give US a chance.
Stalker: I have to see how next weekend plays out
Me: Then maybe you should give me some time too. I know you feel for me.
Stalker: Yeah I do care about you. But I have to see what she is thinking
Me: So basically I get 2nd prize if she doesn't want you?
Stalker: I dunno.
Me: It would be great if we could actually talk in person.
Stalker: K. Tomorrow may be cool.
Me: You are making a huge mistake.
Stalker: :(
Me: I think you really do know it. And that's the shit of it all. Have you/are you going to tell her about me?
Stalker: Probably not


From this point on, my inner psycho just came out. I called him to try to explain that I would like to do something for his birthday before he left for the weekend. Stalker's response? "Can't we do it after I come back in town?" My anxiety level rose into over-drive! I panicked and said, "There may not be an after next weekend!" He was at his niece's soccer game, and he said he would call me later. I told him I wouldn't be home, because I had plans to go out. He then said he would text me instead. Guess what??? No call...no text all day Saturday.

Finally on Sunday he contacted me via text. I was pretty short in my responses. We did decide that he would come over after his family activities later in the evening. A couple hours later, Stalker texted me to say he was probably going to the gym in a little while (we belong to the same gym). When I asked what happened to family time, he told me his dad was going with him. I'm still not quite sure why he felt the need to check in with me like that, so all I said was "Y'all have fun!"

Fast forward a couple more hours, he sent a text telling me his sister was in the emergency room again (She has been experiencing severe migraines), and he would keep me updated. I suggested that we reschedule Monday evening, but then we realized both of us had prior commitments. So we finally decided on Tuesday evening right after work.

Just as I was about to settle in for a date with my DVR on Sunday evening, I receive a text from Stalker:

"Me and my bro gonna go bowling at (Stalker's local bowling alley). Wanna go?

Huh? I just called him, because all this texting was getting confusing! Last word I had was that he was on the way to the ER. He informed that his sister told him not to come, so he and his brother decided to go on with the original family plans to bowl. I reminded him that my car was messed up (turns out it was just the battery) and I didn't want to drive anywhere until I got it checked out. Stalker offered to go out of his way to pick me up.

So yeah, I went bowling with Stalker and his brother last night. We had a pretty good time. It was kinda strange hanging with Stalker and someone else. Every time we've done anything together, it was always just the two of us. It was difficult not to smack him on the ass or get super flirty with him. His brother was a pretty nice guy. He is much more quiet than Stalker and less outgoing. At one point, Stalker's brother asked me if I work with Stalker. I'm not real sure what Stalker had/hadn't told him about me. I just told him that Stalker and I met at a party a while back and became fast friends. What?? It wasn't a lie! The night ended with a hug from Stalker when he and his brother dropped me off at my place.

"The Talk" Follow-up

Thursday after "the talk" I didn't hear too much from Stalker. We didn't engage in our usual text convo during the work day. We did exchange a couple texts trying to decide what we were doing for dinner. So when I was driving home, I oh-so-surprised to receive this:

k. I stay the night tonight. maybe wine and something quick and easy after softball game.

I really thought he would pull away to let all my feelings and other babble marinate and to think on things. So I picked up a rotisserie chicken and some sides from the local grocery along with some wine. The side dishes had just been completed when Stalker arrived at my place in softball uniform, laden with his over-night necessities. He didn't have a hand free to hug me, so instead he kissed me hello. Well, that was different! Once settled, we made our plates, put in a DVD and got cozy on the couch. After eating, Stalker took a quick shower. We were watching LOTR, and he has seen it a dozen times. Once he returned to the couch, he took my feet in his lap and commenced to rubbing. The wine went to my head and I couldn't make it through the movie, so we decided to hit the sheets. We discussed my upcoming move next month, as we were getting ready for bed. He told me that there was no need to hire movers, and that he and his brother would do it if I rented the truck. Again, I was caught by surprise! Not only did he commit to doing something for me, but I also get to meet a family member!? I thought, "Wow! Now we're getting somewhere!"

I wasn't too tired for some sensual nookie! Again, it was amazing and left us both speechless. We fell asleep entwined and woke the same way when the alarm went off. Of course, I had to have more before work. It's too good, and I'm enjoying it while I have it. He left for work before I did, as he was going by Verizon to get his anticipated Droid phone. He assured me that I would receive the very first text from his fantasy phone. He again kissed and hugged me goodbye and was on his way.