Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Free of Blog-Blockers



Since I was so suddenly interrupted by Bookstore Boy while writing my last blog, I'm adding another to continue my original thoughts.

What was I saying? Oh, I can't imagine sex with anyone else except Stalker. I said it eleven hours ago, and I still believe it! I'm not going to get into the details right this moment, but I have spent four evenings with Stalker since his return from the "ex's" state. None of those evenings have resulted in a slumber party or any sexual fun. Actually, most of those times have been quite strained and tense. I'm not really sure what's going on anymore. I don't know if he has lost all feelings for me or if he is going out of his way to resist temptation. I do know that I still want him...maybe more than ever. It pains me to be with him and not know what he is thinking or feeling. But I don't want to lose him from my life either, even if as just a friend. Stalker hurt his knee last week, playing softball. He was still in pain tonight when he joined me and a girlfriend for bowling. I just wanted to reach out and hold him. I know this makes no sense. Not much has lately. I just know that I feel so much more for him than even I thought I did. I now realize that Stalker had awakened parts of me that I thought had died or at least had become numb. I want to nurture him, to cook (what tha???) for him, and to be with him all the time. The feeling is so strong it almost creeps me out!

E-Harmony update: It sucks! Most of my matches don't fall into my age and/or height requirements. What's up with all the old short men?? Yeah, they need love too, but I can't reach down and give it to them!

Today just after my girlfriend and I got settled into our little spot at a different bookstore, Bookstore Boy showed up and made himself at home. Again, he blog-blocked me! And he just wouldn't go away. At one point when my friend excused herself to go to the restroom, he grabbed my thigh and told me he wants to see me again...alone. Ewww...creepy!

7 comments:

Enigma Jones said...

I'm sorry (again) but it's starting to sound as if your feelings for Stalker are less-than-healthy (for you). It seems that now that he is pulling away, you are even more drawn to him despite it not appearing to be recipricated. Are you 100% positive that you aren't having these feelings because you are making him greater than what he is? Is he even doing anything specific that is awakening these feelings in you? I hope I don't come off as harsh, I just recognize where you are because I've been there and looking back I remeber how unhealthy is really was. At thetimes, one of my closets friend suggested I studying look up the word infatuation....

Again, I really hope this works out in your favor...

StudentOfLife said...

Girl - I'm sorry you're going thru this agony! This really sucks! Sometimes we need time apart to work through these feelings before we can have a friendship with the person. Perhaps spending so much time with him is doing you more damage than good. You know I love ya and want you to be happy but it doesn't seem that you're too happy right now in this situation. And you know we always want what we can't have - which is prob. why you want him more than normal right now. Good luck and I'll call you over the holiday!!

jolie fatale said...

you will ALWAYS find a better lover..TRUST me. If one person made you feel one way there is guaranteed to be another who can fulfill you more so emotionally and physically.

Jenny DB said...

You gotta do your own thing and be unavailable right now.. it will make you more attractive. even if its just an "act" to begin with that you have 'better things to do' it will soon become reality. He will wonder what happened... and by the time he comes around (if he does) you probably won't want him anymore> if you do still have feelings for him, then at least you'll be on even keel with each other. LEVEL THE PLAYING FIELD GIRL!!

Roxy said...

wow the day a man gets me to wanna cook for him...

I have no idea what kind of torture you are feeling with out the sex. Man that is just rough!

Dater at Large said...

I think you and Stalker both need a time out. You can't spend every night with someone while you're trying to figure out how you feel about them!

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

1. He made his choice, but he isn't willing to end it with you, as he doesn't want to be the "bad" guy.

2. You don't want to be rejected, so you want him more. You put him on a pedestal. <--doesn't end well.

3. Do the humane thing (for yourself) and cut it off.