Saturday, October 31, 2009

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

Let me start by saying that Thursday night (and Friday morning :D) was fan-fucking-tastic! I only wish that we could have more nights like that. Don’t get me wrong; I love every moment we have together. I haven’t felt this kind of chemistry and spark with any man in such a long time. And yes, you are the nicest man I know (even though I laughed it off when you said it), as bittersweet as that is!

That being said, I wish things were different. I wish there was no “situation” and that we were free to let develop whatever it is that is clearly developing between us. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case.

I know this began as a friends-with-benefits kinda thing, and I have no right to demand anything more from you. I won’t. There are some things that I would like you to know though as you make decisions in your “situation”.

1. I care about you. I know I’ve told you this before, so this isn’t news to you. And I know you also care about me, no matter what your “situation” may be. I can tell by your actions, your tenderness, the amount of time you spend with me (without sex), and the look in your eyes when you look at me.
2. I would like to be a part of your life, not a secret you keep from friends and family.
3. I love how you check on me every few hours when you know I don’t feel well and how you worry about if/what I ate that day.
4. I love how unselfish you are when it comes to “nookie time”. That “nookie time” is incredible, and I know you think so too.
5. It drives me crazy to know I take a backseat in your life whenever “she” comes around. I don’t like not hearing from you and knowing that you are with “her”. I dread your birthday and Thanksgiving, because I know you have plans with “her”.
6. Ugh. I think I want to be “her”, no matter how I try to deny it.

Again, I know I can demand nothing of you given the current “situation”. But that won’t stop me from acknowledging that we have crossed a line I don’t think either of us intended to cross. I’m enjoying this line-crossing and would like for it to continue.


P.S. I've also told you my opinion about your situation. I've told that, deep down, you know it won't work. I still hold that same opinion, regardless of any non-friendship feelings I may now have for you.


The Angel and Demon Within said...

Bravo! Now, if you would only work up the nerve to really have this talk with Stalker. You made it clear in the blog that you aren't demanding anything. You just expressed your feelings. I think stalker needs to know this so that if he is still in FWB mode he can let you know. As I've said before, I think he feels more. I think he is just not man enough to break it off for good with the ex.

Okay here is where I get a bit PO'd with the guy... WTF is up with the plans with her for his birthday and Thanksgiving? I thought this chick has moved out of state? You don't make holiday plans with your ex. CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION! If he isn't together with the ex then why do you have to be kept a secret from the family and friends? RED FLAG!!!

I've never known you to be the "other girl" and know you wouldn't put yourself into the position of being the mistress. Are you not having some of the same feelings that I am that there is more with the ex than he is saying?

***I know that you said they are on the outs and are "thinking" about if it will work out LD. Oh, please... If it didn't work when they were living together then it sure as heck won't work when they are hundreds of miles apart!

Okay, if he is still trying to work things out with the ex then he shouldn't be sleeping with you or anyone for that matter. What would the ex think if she knew he was sleeping with other girls? Is it fair to her if she doesn't know he is dating others?

I'm just really worried about you getting hurt in this. I know how much you love the time together with him. I know you would rather have that little bit of time than none at all.

Rock - You - Hard Spot

Know that I love you and will be there no matter what comes of this.

jo said...

wow! is there any chance that you will actually give him this letter? or have you already?

SaneAndSingle said...

Angel and Demon- I will get around to telling Stalker how I feel.

As for the plans with the ex on his b'day and Thanksgiving, I don't know. I just know the two of them share a long history. And as we all know, the comfort we get from someone we have known/been with for many years is difficult to let go, especially for a future unknown. Because I know this, I feel I need to let Stalker sort things out on his own without pressure from me. Don't worry about me getting hurt. I that is a possibility, but isn't it always a possibility when you open yourself open to care about someone?

SaneAndSingle said...

jo- Do you think I should share it with him?

Simone Grant said...

Ouch and FWIW, I hope you find the strength to share it with him.

I pop by here frequently as a reader but don't comment. But today... I just wanted to add another voice to the "tell hims".

The Angel and Demon Within said...

Simone, what does FWIW stand for?

Sane, your right that he has to sort this out in his own time. Your right that if you don't take the chance of getting hurt you'd never know if it'd work. You know the "momma" always comes out in me when I deal with you. You know that I'll be behind you whatever happens.

SaneAndSingle said...

FWIW=For What It's Worth

Simone- Thanks for coming by! I checked out your blog too! Nice. I will consider telling him. But I think I tell him with my actions.

Angel and Demon- I love you too! But you know we have always handled things differently.

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

Run. The. Other. Way. Now.

1. You obviously have feelings for him.

2. While he may have feelings for you, they are less than yours since he obviously places you 3rd (at best) it is Him, then Her, then You.

3. If he were serious about cultivating something between you and him, he'd sort out his "situation". Currently he can have his cake and eat it too....which means he has no motivation to change the situation.

4. If he doesn't care as much as you, and he has no reason to change, what are the chances you won't get hurt?

little miss angry said...

hey. wow. i know how this feels. i hope you find the courage to tell it to him how you've written it here. good luck.. fingers crossed. x

Anonymous said...

Blokes perspective.

Give him the letter or tell him face to face. I know I would want to hear this if I was the Stalker it will certainly focus his mind on what he wants.

Good luck.

jo said...

you know, i actually think that perhaps you should tell him. seeing as how things have already progressed thus far with you guys. you might as well be open and honest and see where this might lead.

StudentOfLife said...

Yes, you always take the chance of getting hurt when you enter this type of situation but USUALLY (not always) both people are single and have the same amount to lose to begin with. His 'situation' almost guarantees that you'll be the one left with hurt feelings and he'll be the one with his g/f and family none the wiser. Your situation is starting to sound more like 'someone-else-we-know's situation. Do you really want to become 'that girl'?

Healthy and strong relationships are not built on secrets and deception. If you truly want something more with him, make him figure it out NOW. By letting him take his time, he's going to take all the time in the world because he can. As TR said, 'he has his cake and is eat(ing) it, too'... why should he change anything?

You know I love you but this is so not you to allow a man to put you 'at least third'.

Of course you should tell him but not for his benefit, simply for your own.

SaneAndSingle said...

I sent the letter to him in an email.