Let me start by saying that Thursday night (and Friday morning :D) was fan-fucking-tastic! I only wish that we could have more nights like that. Don’t get me wrong; I love every moment we have together. I haven’t felt this kind of chemistry and spark with any man in such a long time. And yes, you are the nicest man I know (even though I laughed it off when you said it), as bittersweet as that is!
That being said, I wish things were different. I wish there was no “situation” and that we were free to let develop whatever it is that is clearly developing between us. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case.
I know this began as a friends-with-benefits kinda thing, and I have no right to demand anything more from you. I won’t. There are some things that I would like you to know though as you make decisions in your “situation”.
1. I care about you. I know I’ve told you this before, so this isn’t news to you. And I know you also care about me, no matter what your “situation” may be. I can tell by your actions, your tenderness, the amount of time you spend with me (without sex), and the look in your eyes when you look at me.
2. I would like to be a part of your life, not a secret you keep from friends and family.
3. I love how you check on me every few hours when you know I don’t feel well and how you worry about if/what I ate that day.
4. I love how unselfish you are when it comes to “nookie time”. That “nookie time” is incredible, and I know you think so too.
5. It drives me crazy to know I take a backseat in your life whenever “she” comes around. I don’t like not hearing from you and knowing that you are with “her”. I dread your birthday and Thanksgiving, because I know you have plans with “her”.
6. Ugh. I think I want to be “her”, no matter how I try to deny it.
Again, I know I can demand nothing of you given the current “situation”. But that won’t stop me from acknowledging that we have crossed a line I don’t think either of us intended to cross. I’m enjoying this line-crossing and would like for it to continue.
P.S. I've also told you my opinion about your situation. I've told that, deep down, you know it won't work. I still hold that same opinion, regardless of any non-friendship feelings I may now have for you.