Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Why send flowers, when porn says it so much better?


Okay, so this entry isn't about my dating experience. I have to give one of my best friends credit for this gem!

My girlfriend met a guy online named Austin*. After a couple of flirty little emails, they decided to exchange phone numbers. After speaking a few times on the phone and getting a feel for one another, they made a date to meet in a nice safe place on a Monday evening....a bookstore. I mean what can go wrong in a bookstore?

They met, looked at books, and talked for a couple hours. The conversation, for the most part, was innocent. Then Austin* decided to play a game that included some Q&A on a paper napkin. The questions began all cute and sweet, BUT there was a man involved! Of course, it turned dirty! Austin* asked my friend, "So do you spit or swallow?" Oh so original, huh?? No man in the history of dating has ever pondered that little scenario while out with a new woman! She decided to play it cool and coy, with the response, "Don't you want to leave something to discover for later after we know one another better?"

Fast forward to the end of the date....Austin* walked my friend out to her car, where he kisses her....AND puts his hand up her top...yep, grown man trying to cop a feel in the parking lot alert!!! She gently pulled his hand away from her and said, "Slow down now, Sparky!" He tells her, "We can get in your car." When she told him no, he suggested they go to his car then! What tha???? She told him politely that she would like to progress at a slower pace.

As they parted for the night, he said to her, "I guess I'll go home and jerk off while thinking of you." WTF??? All my friend could say is, "Do what you need to do!"

My friend didn't even make it home yet before she received a picture message on her cell phone.....from Austin*.....of his Austin* Jr!!!! And Austin* Jr had thrown up!! Yep, my friend received the most romantic of romantic gestures.......THE CUM SHOT!!! Just...ew...

Her only response...."Thanks for that UNpleasant surprise!"

The next day Austin* sent a text simply asking, "Are you mad at me?"

*Names have been changed to protect the socially inept.

4 comments:

Roxy said...

hahahahahaha

He is totally insecure!

Acts like a jerk and then asks "are you mad at me?"

WTF is right!

Dawn said...

wow. guys really amaze me sometimes. i'm glad i'm not the only one who has crazy stuff happen to me!

Anonymous said...

Wait .. women don't like that??

Jane said...

hahahaha. lol.