Thursday, November 5, 2009

"The Talk"

I'm proud to report that I had it with Stalker. Of course, my timing wasn't the best. I decided to do it first thing in the morning while he and I both were still half asleep. I knew I would say something when I couldn't hold it in any longer.

You see, I was beginning to get irritated and snippy with Stalker about stuff that doesn't usually phase me at all. I knew then that the unspoken line-crossing was getting to me. We were discussing our plan to do dinner tonight after his softball game, and I asked if he would be staying over at my place again tonight. He said, "We'll see." For some reason that sent me through the roof! I told him that it made me feel disrespected when he made me wait for him or wouldn't commit to plans, only to show up late at my place because he "missed me". It is disrespectful of my time. Stalker has a committment problem...he can't commit to plans in advance! Usually I'm a go-with-the-flow kind of woman, so normally this isn't an issue with me unless it's something important. When I realized how irritable I was becoming with the "little things", I knew it was time to speak up.

I basically said the same things to him that I said in the
Dear Stalker letter, although probably not quite as smoothly. He did agree that we have crossed the friend line. He also said that it scares him that it happened so fast and unexpectedly. I told him that I didn't expect him to actually define what we are at this moment, but I felt it needed to be addressed. I also made it clear that I would like to continue this and see what happens. Yeah, I really did most of the talking. By this time, we were both running late for work. He gave me a hug and a kiss goodbye and said he would see me for dinner tonight. I'm sure this will be continued at some point...


StudentOfLife said...

Good for you. It's a start. :-)

SaneAndSingle said...

I told you all that I would do it when it was comfortable and the right time for me.

I still think it's a bit early to ask Stalker to give it all up for me, as much as I hate it. He said himself that feeling for me was unexpected and moved too fast.

jo said...

i'm glad that you had the talk... or at least the beginnings of it. now it's bout bringing it up again over dinner or whatever 'coz these things are so easy to just try and avoid talking bout 'coz it can be awkward and difficult.

Dimplz said...

I am kind of confused. You said you didn't think he should give it all up for you, but it seems like you don't really want him with the other girl. I don't think there is anything wrong with what you want. The heart wants what the heart wants.
Everyone takes a chance when they start a relationship. Just because you don't have an ex or bf or whatever he has, doesn't mean you don't have anything to lose. If he really wants to make a go of it and so do you, then you have to get what you want. I would say oh forget it if what you were asking for was unreasonable, but in my estimation, you are right now getting the very least you can get: his time when he isn't with her. But then you say you don't want him to give it all up. Well, he's not. So, do you want things to remain the same? If so, I am not certain why you said what you said. What I am saying is why say anything if you want things to remain the same?

SaneAndSingle said...

I'm not saying that I want things to remain the same. Yes, I have developed feelings, but I also want to take things slowly and make sure this is what we both want. He has a long, long history with his ex. He and I just met a couple months ago.

I say all this in my head, but my heart wants him around all the time. I'm just trying to keep a balance between my heart and my head.

The Angel and Demon Within said...

Happy you got the talk started. Glad he didn't run away.

So...when do I have my chance to talk to him? ;)

SaneAndSingle said...

LOL. You know where to find him, Angel and Demon! ;-)

Dimplz said...

That balance is hard. I've been there. I'm at the point that if it's not going to be easy, I am not going to bother trying to get into a relationship. I know other people don't agree with that. They think it's hard. But it's not. I know many people who are in great relationships and although it's not like always smooth sailing as far as always agreeing, it's easy in all the other areas. I have also experienced this, so I know it exists.

Does that make sense?

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

You completely let him off the hook! You did most of the talking, you told him that he doesn't have to change his behavior (because you are giving him time), and he gets points for essentially going, "uh-huh, yeah, okay. Gotta go."


The Angel and Demon Within said...


I know Sane well enough to know that when she has her fill of being put on hold she will walk away. It is very unsual that she has kept him around this long. That's how I know how strongly she feels for Stalker.

I personally would want an answer from him by now. I think she is close to that point too.

Sane, if you walk away now you are going to be hurt. When he isn't there your hurt. If he works things out with the "ex" your going to be hurt. There is only one outcome where you won't be hurt at this point.

It makes me sick that he hasn't been forth right about what he is thinking. That isn't fair to you.

*Good thing we are on the same phone plan. I see lots of long talks in the next week or so. Hugs! ;)

Jenny DB said...

OK found your blog through Burlap condoms. just IMHO... Umm I'm sorry but that did not go well. If you did all the talking?? why even bother.. he got off EASY and Doesnt want to make waves so gives you a hug and a kiss... uggh, boys. Umm, so there is this AMAZING book you NEED to READ ASAP called "Why Men Marry Bitches" - I know the title is stupid but I PROMISE you it will give you some incredible insight into dealing with boys .. the DTR.. etc etc. just my $0.02