My Weekend

Well it wasn't as busy I thought it would be. There were no dates and no haunted houses. Clean cut and Bad ended up having to work, and the other guy actually "forgot" we had plans! Both of them were sending me texts and calling all week long. Then suddenly on Friday afternoon, my phone went silent. Forgetful (as he will be called from now on) did apologize. He even offered to be my massage homework, because he knows I have to do two a week. Gee...wasn't that sweet of him?

I lied...

not purposely or anything. But it looks as if my 2 dates has become ZERO dates. :-( And I'm not even sure why.

2 Date Weekend

Yeah, I have two dates this weekend. I have a first date with a new dude tonight. We met a while back on POF, but we never actually met in person. We have emailed and sent texts a few times over the last couple of months. We finally moved to phone conversations. From our text conversations, I wasn't all that interested. Once we spoke on the phone, I thought a little more of him. So we have decided to have a meet and greet tonight when I get off from work.

Tomorrow evening, I'll be watching college football with Clean-cut and Bad. We are also talking haunted houses on Sunday, if he doesn't have to work. Yay! So I'm off to work and to enjoy my busy, busy weekend!

To All The Boys I've Loved Before....

Katy Perry - Hot N Cold by EMI_Music

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry


You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now you're plain boring

I should know that
You're not gonna change

[CHORUS]

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

[CHORUS 2:]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down, down...

Saturday night=Date night

I went on a date last night. It was a first date with a guy I met on Match. He definitely seems to be my "type" or at least what I tend to find attractive in a man. He is clean-cut looking with a little edge to him. By this, I mean he has tattoos. They aren't obvious tattoos. He hides them, like I do. For some reason, I have a thing for nice guys with a little "bad boy" hidden inside them.

Anyway, we met up at a sports bar for dinner, drinks, and college football. This also makes me a happy girl! He is about fours my junior, which isn't so bad. He is professionally employed and pretty intelligent, with a great sense of humor. We've made plans to see one another next weekend. We've been talking haunted houses and/or roller coasters! Hells yeah! :)

Oh yeah, FWB has been texting again. And yes, I respond but take any and every thing he says with a grain of salt. When he found out I was thinking about getting a roommate, he offered to move in with me. Uh yeah, sure...right, like that will ever happen.

Happy Hump Day!

Adele's voice gives me chills every time I hear it! This is such a beautiful song...


Someone Like You




I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Sometimes Good People Have Sad Lives

Amongst de-junking my apartment, setting up my massage table, consulting with my best friend about her issues with her son's school system, and talking for an hour with my grandmother, I've been watching Brothers & Sisters on Netflix today. In the last episode I watched, Justin was feeling down because he was turning 30 and he was alone. His brother, Kevin, told him, "Sometimes good people have sad lives, but you aren't one of them." I think I may be one of them.

Every man I meet is totally wrong for me. Okay...maybe not every ONE, although I have met some doozies in my dating career! But I tend to mess up the decent ones with my insecurities. I think I have abandonment issues (thanks dad), so with my "witty sarcasm" I manage to push away any man that may have potential. I lash out with accusatory remarks when I feel like someone is "abandoning" me again. Of course, that just pushes people away more. This only happens with men...not girlfriends, family, or coworkers. Maybe I'm so jaded that I just can't believe that the "real thing" exists for me. I know so few TRULY HAPPY couples that it seems futile sometimes, even though I'm about as lonely as one can get. I have trust issues after being lied to time and time again. I am trying to keep my heart open and my feelings honest (sometimes too honest). Just some food for thought. I've been living in my head after watching too much Brothers & Sisters.

And then after all this thought, I read this quote somewhere: “Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”- unknown This is so, so true of me.

This is how I feel most of the time.

I just watched last night's Glee, and this song (sung by Rachel and Mercedes on the show) struck me. It could have been written about me.




Irene Cara
Out Here Own My Own (from Fame)


Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

New Job

Yep...I've found one. It's only part time, and it's pretty crappy pay, but it's a job...at a SPA!! I'm going to be a receptionist. Luckily, it's just around the corner from my apartment, so I will save on gas. I start school on October 1 (yeah, a Saturday!), and I can't wait! I've never been so excited about being a broke college student! You would not believe how relieved I already feel just being away from the education system.

Stalker, of course, is still hanging around. Sometimes, there's sex, and sometimes there isn't. Either way it is comfortable. He makes me smile.

I quit...

I did! I quit! I quit my job! I'm currently one of the unemployed in America. Due to my severe allergies, my doctor required me to move classrooms. The system wasn't willing to accommodate to a degree at which I would be comfortable, so I was left with the option to resign and become eligible for unemployment. Yay! I'm relieved and afraid at once.

I'll be starting a massage therapy program next month. Just pray that I get some sort of job to pay the bills.


*This post has been shortened and changed to protect my anonymity as much as possible. Excuse the lack of detail.

All Work and No Play

Obviously, I'm back at work. This is it. It will be my last year. I can do it no longer. It sucks my soul, my spirit, and my love of life from me. If I could afford to do so now, I just wouldn't return again. Unfortunately, I'm not in the position to do so. The state has taken over my school under the guise of a grant. The teachers are constantly required to write up reports, crunch data, and attend "professional learning", leaving no time to actually teach. Until this country can get the state of education right and make the children the priority and not test scores, I can't be a part of it. We are teaching students how to take a test, not how to become productive members of society. This was not my goal 10 years ago when I first stepped into the class room. It's breaking my heart.

Old School Sexy

Since I've Been Loving You by Led Zeppelin



Working from seven to eleven every night,
It really makes life a drag, I don't think that's right.
I've really been the best, the best of fools, I did what I could, yeah.
'Cause I love you, baby, How I love you, darling, How I love you, baby,
I'm in love with you, girl, little girl.
But baby, Since I've Been Loving You, yeah. I'm about to lose my worried mind, ah, yeah.

Everybody trying to tell me that you didn't mean me no good.
I've been trying, Lord, let me tell you, Let me tell you I really did the best I could.
I've been working from seven to eleven every night, I said It kinda makes my life a drag, drag, drag, drag..
Lord, yeah, that ain't right... no no
Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose my worried mind.

Said I've been crying, yeah, oh my tears they fell like rain,
Don't you hear them, Don't you hear them falling,
Don't you hear them, Don't you hear them falling.

Do you remember mama, when I knocked upon your door?
I said you had the nerve to tell me you didn't want me no more, yeah
I open my front door, I hear my back door slam,
You know I must have one of them new fangled, new fangled back doors man.

I've been working from seven, seven, seven, to eleven every night and It kinda makes my life a drag...
a drag, drag, oh yeah it makes a drag.
Baby, Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose, I'm about lose lose my worried mind.
Just One more, Just One more
Oh yeah, since I've Been Loving You, I'm gonna lose my worried mind.

Friends with Benefits?

Have you all gone to see this movie?? If not, run out and see it now! Not only is Justin Timberlake just ridiculously yummy, he and Mila Kunis are also ridiculously hilarious! Of course, it had a typical and predictable Hollywood ending. But all the stuff leading up to it will keep you laughing and even empathizing with the characters.

Needless to say, this movie also reminded me of a couple of "relationships" I've had. *cough* FWB...Stalker *cough* I'm sure neither of those will have that nice, tidy Hollywood ending at the end of two hours of laughs and one little touching visit home to the family.

So...what's been going on? Oh, a whole lot of nothing. I've returned to work as of last week, so it's back to my busy busy schedule. I will make it a point to make time to relieve stress and relax a little this school year.

Needy and I were supposed to meet up last Tuesday night, but I didn't hear from him until 9:30 that night. He had the nerve to ask if I still wanted to get together. He claimed that he had sent a text letting me know he had to attend his sister's last minute birthday dinner. I never received said text. I'm not saying he didn't send it...I'm just sayin'. So, he asked for another chance and if we could meet up that weekend. He called me Thursday morning around 10:00. I sent a text telling him that I couldn't talk, because I was in training. He replied with, "I was just saying hey! I was thinking about this weekend." I responded later that evening asking what he was thinking about the weekend. Saturday around 5:45 PM, I got a text from him saying, "Hey what are you up to? Want to catch a movie or something?" Um...way to wait until the last minute, buddy! By this time I was out with a girlfriend. I told him that I had made other plans since I hadn't heard back from him in two days. Since then, he has been blowing up my phone daily!

It's a Hump Day Thing!

All Night Thing by Temple of the Dog

Anytime Chris Cornell opens his mouth to sing, things get sexy!

Sad Face

Ex-Coworker didn't make it to visit this past weekend, due to both of our schedules. He had to attend a wedding Saturday, so he wouldn't have gotten to my place until the wee hours of the morning Sunday. I had to get up and go to a Sunday lunch for my gay who is moving away this week. That was an all afternoon affair. Ex-Coworker and I decided it would be best if he plan a weekend just for us, so we can actually spend time together and talk to see what may be between us. When that weekend will be I'm not sure. Hopefully soon...

I got another bite on POF, but he doesn't seem real smart. He is a cutie though. We have spoken on the phone and sent texts over the last few days. We have yet to meet. When I mentioned meeting up tonight, he seemed bothered by the fact that I was only willing to give him a couple of hours. He called me "one of those". He said he doesn't understand the point of the "coffee date". He said that every women he met lately suggested that. I explained that the women wanted to just do a short meet and greet, so that they could get a feel for him without being stuck in a bad date all night. He then told me that if he can have a decent conversation on the phone with someone that he knew he would enjoy a "real date" with them. Needy much? Henceforth, he will be called "Needy".

Wish me luck...

So Ex-Coworker is due to arrive tomorrow night. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Guess I'll figure that out when I actually lay eyes on him...heh, I doubt that's all I'll lay on him! Yeah, yeah, I have the humor of a 13 year old boy at times. Lucky him...he will get to hang with my gays for the going away lunch we are having. But we are doing dinner with a lovely couple Sunday night. I'm sure he will like that much better, since it will involve tequila and straight people. I don't think Ex-Coworker is homophobic or anything, but he is definitely a manly man. Thank goodness he is an open-minded one.

Still no word from FWB. I love how he is willing to make something work between us. Oh, and yeah, that was most definitely sarcasm. No word from Coach or Old Friend the last couple days. But I didn't really expect anymore than that. Stalker has become a texting buddy for the time being, I guess. That's about it in my world of dating!

Oh...last night the gays, the other hag, and I went to a special double feature of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 and 2. The theater showed Part 1 at 9:00 and Part 2 at midnight. I thought it was rather fun. It is so interesting to see all the people who show up, dressed as the characters for the movies. I saw some very creative ones. I just wish I'd had my camera with me!

Have a fantabulous weekend, Blogland!

Here an ex, there an ex, everywhere an ex

So I finally received a text from FWB yesterday. He told me that he was serious about wanting to actually pursue something more with me. Then, of course, he disappeared after a couple text exchanges. So there are still no answers. I won't believe crap from him until he actually acts on it. If he really wanted more, he would like maybe ask me out or something?! Silly little boys...

Ex-Coworker is scheduled to hit town in the next few days. Again, this is something I will believe when I see it. In the meantime, Old Friend continues to text. He has found yet another part-time gig where he currently lives. He says he has a few irons in the fire in my city. He hopes to be back here working and in school within the next couple of months. Again...silly little boys...

Yo, actions speak so much louder than words! Yeah, it's a cliche, but a very true one!

Sexy Song

Why not a sexy song from country music's sexiest couple?


Faith Hill & Tim McGraw - Lets make love by beni4ka

Sober again

Hey! I'm sober now!! And I'm thinking much more clearly! Not much went on during the weekend. I got a new tattoo. It's a big ass tatt on my back, and it still hurts like a bitch! I heard from Ex-Coworker. It was his birthday yesterday, and now he has decided he wants to visit me as a birthday gift to himself. So it looks like I may have a nice little dick-down coming my way. Can't have him around without doing all that...way too good to pass up!

Btw...I'm horny as all hell, but I'm afraid I've ruined the dick deliveries from Stalker. What the fuck was I thinking??

Yep...I'm still drunk...

so here's a song...



One More Addiction by Natalie Imbruglia

First the good news
It's gonna feel very nice
Then the bad news
You gotta pay a heavy price
Rip tide. We slide we ride on a deep forbidden sea
Under we go - so slow
And you're hanging onto me
And I say

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do

I reject you
But I can't follow through
I'd forget you
But you'd end up tappin' on my back door
Somehow I lost myself in a tunnel long and black
Somewhere. At the end, I pretend
There's a way of turning back

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do

Take a breath
Let it out
All the things you frown about are meaningless,
ofcourse unless, you're doing this for real I guess
I meant to but
I don't know what
Is in the way and could I say
Its you I bet
I won't forget
Maybe I'm not ready yet

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do.

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do.

It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing, the only thing that I
It's the only thing, the only thing that I
It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing, the only thing that I, know how to do.
'Cause I forget you.

I can't do this...

shit anymore. There I've said it. I took last year off from dating, thinking I just needed to take some time off. And now it's July...I've been open and willing to take chances for seven months now. I can't play the games and can't deal with the lies that go along with dating. I'm too honest, fragile, and lonely. There I said it. I'm tired of the disappointment after disappointment. I'm tired of the "excuses" and the bullshit and the baggage. Why can't people just say what's real? Do people even have respect for others anymore? Do they ever look deeper than the surface? Fuck it. I'm done with the whole process...I'll be the crazy fucking dog/cat lady who plays with her toys to get off. Humans don't seem to know how to connect anymore.

P.S. I'm drunk.

Effed up again!

As I've mentioned, I've allowed Stalker back into my life again. I told him and myself that I wouldn't get attached like I did last time. I do enjoy his company and the sex. We have a great time together no matter what we are doing. But intellectually I know that there is no future there. He won't allow it. Just as I said in my last post about the men from my past, they feel for me but won't allow anything deeper to progress past the casual.

Stalker came over for taco and margarita night last night. Before the main course, we had a little appetizer...in my bed. We followed the dinner with a little dessert of chocolate syrup and dick. Then we went for round three...yeah, round three!! Wow...just wow is all I can say! It's addictive. I woke up late today, still thinking about it, and that's probably because I could still feel it in my vagina. I wanted more. But I know it's illegal to keep a man as your sex slave.

I sent him an innocent enough text letting him know that he left his coupon books (don't ask) behind at my apartment. He asked if he could come by tonight and get them. Unfortunately, I'm meeting with the gays to plan a going away party for one who is moving away at the end of the month. So I suggested we go to a movie tomorrow night. Of course, he said he couldn't, because his weekends are "reserved for family time". I knew this, but for some reason it gets to me, and I continue to "test" him. I don't know why I do this to myself. It just brings back all the insecurities from two years ago when he was first in my life. I need to learn to relax and enjoy the moment. Instead, I started asking all these questions, which in turn, lead him to say I was getting "weird" and acting like we are a married couple. I told myself when he wanted back in my life that I wouldn't do this again...push for more than I know he can/will give. Part of it is that I'm jealous that he has family and I don't. It gets lonely when you're single and have no one to lean on.

Sexy Song for Hump Day!

Happy Hump Day!!




Say Yes by Floetry

[intro]
see i been watchin you for a while
your smile and stuff
but i dont know if i can be wit you for tonight alright
is that alright baby, baby

[Verse 1]
There is only one for me
you have made that a possibility
we could take that step to see, um
if this is really gonna be,all ypu gotta do is say yes

[Chorus]
all you gotta do is say yes
dont deny what you feel
let me undress you baby
open up your mind and just rest
i'm about to let you know you make me so
all you gotta do is say yes
dont deny waht you feel
let me undress you baby open up your mind and just rest i'm about to let you know
you make me so, so, so ,so ,so ,so,so,so
you make me so, so, so,so so, so ,so,so uh

[Verse 2]
loving you has taken time (taken time)
but i always knew you could be mine
i recognize the butterflies inside me tonight(tonight)
all you gotta do is say yes

[repeat chorus]

[ad lib to end]

Are Men Recyclable??

So the last couple days have been interesting...interesting indeed. Four men from my past have contacted me...via text of course. Because who is actually brave enough to dial a woman's number after screwing her over?!

First, there was Old Friend. I don't believe I've ever discussed him here before. He was a part of my life back in my 20's. We met online, then met in person, hated one another, had great sex once or twice, and have remained in contact on and off since then...yeah, for about 12 years. Old Friend has told me a couple times over the past few years that he believes that he and I are meant to be, but the timing has never been right. Yeah, I know...excuses, excuses. He currently lives about a 2 hour drive from where I live. This is all due to the fact that he has been unemployed. You see he has a journalism degree...not a good look in times of the world wide web. Anyone can be a journalist! So he has been working little part time gigs here and there but can't seem to find anything steady. He told me he has been expanding his search into other areas, and that he really wants to move back into my area. He also said once he has a steady job, he plans to be with me. Hmm...

FWB has been a Facebook friend all this time, so we have kept tabs on one another via Facebook stalking. We shot a couple messages back and forth over the weekend. In the end, I went off explaining to him about how he disappointed me and that I had wanted and expected so much more. It was therapeutic in a way. It may not have affected him much, but I think it helped me. Yesterday, FWB sent me a text asking if I still want more from him. I laughed and asked if he was offering. He said, "yes, are you accepting?" He then went on to tell me that he is currently at the beach but didn't bother to let me know when he would return. I'm not sure how to take this.

I awoke to a text from MatchMan this morning, telling me we need to talk and to call him when I woke up...duh...the text itself woke me! He wanted to explain to me why we were no longer friends on Facebook. He said his girlfriend had gotten in his account and deleted me. All I could say to this was, "Way to be a man and let your woman control you!" I won't deny that it hurt. I still and probably will always have a soft spot for MatchMan. We talked for a while and caught up. It was kind of awkward.

ThugPassion was a man I also knew in my 20's, long before this blog was ever born. He and I had a little fling...that lasted over several years. There was obvious chemistry but little maturity on either of our parts. Neither of us communicated well, and we both had walls around us that hot sex couldn't pull down. I learned a few years back that he had gotten married. Yesterday, I logged into my messenger (which I hadn't used since about 2007), and he was on there! We had a nice little conversation and got a little closure to our old situation. He admitted he always has a thing for me but could never let himself go and love me. This seems to be a trend with me? Why has been so difficult for the men in my past to let go and be with me...truly be with me?

More Pity Please?

So I was looking at my label list, which includes all the men I've mentioned in this blog. Of those men, most have moved on while I've been stuck in Singleland. Check out this list, alphabetically of course:*

Doc- He is now engaged to a woman who doesn't live too far from me. I'm not quite sure when the wedding will take place.

Ex-Coworker- He is now in a serious relationship.

FWB- Also in a relationship. I found out that he and his girlfriend had a baby who died at birth a little over a year ago.

KH- In a serious relationship...complete with cute little pics all over Facebook.

MatchMan- In a serious relationship...

PoPo- Serious relationship...possibly married

Teacher Man- He is engaged and the wedding is scheduled to take place in a couple weeks.

young coworker- Got married last November.

So there you have it...maybe it wasn't them, but me.

* Most of the below information was gained via Facebook stalking. Don't judge me!

Pfft...Holidays...

So every holiday that rolls around reminds me how alone I truly am. I manage to stay busy with work during the school year, and the holidays during that time don't seem too bad. I can always use the excuse that I just wanted to relax. But it's summer now, and all I have is time. Today is the 4th of July...everyone is spending the day with family and friends and swimming and cooking out. Where am I? The same place as usual...my apartment. No one has invited me to anything. I know they forget, because they are all involved in family plans. People tend to forget that I don't have that. Oh, how I yearn for it.

This song popped up on my iPod while driving home from the store earlier, and it really hit home.

To Coach or Not to Coach?

Coach finally called me yesterday afternoon. Of course, it took a goodbye text from me to get that. My text said, "I'm throwing in the towel. I've read He's Just Not That Into You...lol. And obviously, you're not anymore!"

When he called, he tried to explain that he is indeed interested, but his schedule this summer was much worse and crazier than ever. He also explained that he is having a few financial difficulties, so he has been more stressed out than he has been in a while. He asked me if we could continue to talk and get to know one another. I'm not sure if this would be a waste of my time or not.

PMS Blues

This week, the main staple of my diet has been ice cream, followed closely by Jack Daniels and wine. Healthy, right? I'm blaming it on my hormones. Stupid stupid PMS. I've been a sad excuse of a human this weekend...gluttonous I've been. Pity party all around! In addition, I'm coming off a dating high from last week.

Remember last week? It seems so long ago. Unlike last week, this week has been dateless, unless you count last Saturday when Stalker came over to watch a DVD and Tuesday when he came over for a little bon voyage nookie before he took off to LA for the rest of the week to visit his old college buddy. That is it...seems so boring (not that Stalker nookie is ever boring) after my whirlwind of dates last week.

As for Coach, still no phone call. On Monday, he sent a text telling me that I may expect a bit much from him right now. I was confused, because the last I'd heard is that he was planning to make more time for "us". So I asked him what he meant, as all I've asked of him is communication...no pressure for time. He then responded with "I guess you're right...sorry." When I asked what exactly he was sorry for, he said "not communicating more", to which I said, "There's only one way to correct that!" That was Wednesday. Fast forward to Friday morning, I sent a text telling him good morning in a last ditch effort. Four hours later, he finally responded with "Hey! I hope you are enjoying your down time." Brush off much?? I still tried to stay chipper and told him I was having a girls afternoon including pedis and a movie. *chirp...chirp* And then there was nothing...hint taken. I'm not exactly sure where this possible relationship went south. We were communicating daily for over a month, and our last date went well. Sigh...

In addition to my pity party, I noticed today that MatchMan had deleted me from his Facebook friends. I also noticed he is now in a relationship. I don't know why that bothered me, but it did. It isn't that I want him back, but maybe because it shows that he has moved forward in life, and I'm still spinning my wheels.

Sexy Song...

"Hawkmoon 269" by U2

This isn't the actual video for the song, because there isn't one. This is some animated thing I found on Youtube that I thought was pretty cool.



Like a desert needs rain
Like a town needs a name
I need your love

Like a drifter needs a room
Hawkmoon
I need your love
I need your love

Like a rhythm unbroken
Like drums in the night
Like sweet soul music
Like sunlight
I need your love

Like coming home
And you don't know where you've been
Like black coffee
Like nicotine
I need your love (I need your love)
I need your love (I need your love)
I need your love (I need your love)

When the night has no end
And the day yet to begin
As the room spins around
I need your love
I need your love

Like a Phoenix rising needs a holy tree
Like the sweet revenge of a bitter enemy
I need your love

Like the hot needs the sun
Like honey on her tongue
Like the muzzle of a gun
Like oxygen
I need your love (I need your love)
I need your love (I need your love)
I need your love (I need your love)

When the night has no end
And the day yet to begin
As the room spins around
I need your love

I need your love...
[Repeat 9 times]

Like thunder needs rain
Like a preacher needs pain
Like tongues of flame
Like a sheet stained
I need your love
I need your love

Like a needle needs a vein
Like someone to blame
Like a thought unchained
Like a runaway train
I need your love

I need your love...
[Repeat 7 times]

Like faith needs a doubt
Like a freeway out
I need your love

Like powder needs a spark
Like lies need the dark
I need your love

In the heart of the heat of the love
In the heart of the heat of the love...
[Repeat until end]

Some things never change...

When my high school friend came to visit, it was like we were back in high school again...and I definitely don't mean that in a good way. She drove from a city about two hours away, and she was extremely late due to thunderstorms. When we finally did arrive at the seedy little bar where our other friend was playing, she said, "Oh, there's a parking spot!" So I thought we had found a prime spot on the street. It was raining hard, and I didn't realize it wasn't a real spot until I looked back from the entrance of the bar. I stayed long enough to down one drink and progressively became more worried about my car. When I ran out into the rain to move it, there was a nice wet parking ticket on the windshield. I managed to find a REAL spot on the next block. When I returned, my friend was on her third drink. Soon after, my friend's band was done with their set, and they came to join us at the bar. Apparently my HS girl friend is still quite the hottie for her age, because the men in the band took pictures of her like she was some super model. She continued to down the drinks and started booty shaking to heavy metal music! I mean...REALLY?? I was quite embarrassed and very uncomfortable. We closed the bar down, and she stumbled out to the car (again in the rain). Once on the interstate, my HS girl friend started mumbling, saying we may have to pull over. Next I know, her head is hanging out of the window while vomit streaks the side and windows of my car. I pulled off to the side, so that she could open the door and puke on the ground like a proper lady. I did this twice on the way home. I honestly don't think I've ever had to pull over for someone to puke. She continued to dry heave once we made it back to my place. REMEMBER WE ARE IN OUR 30'S!! Shouldn't this behavior be behind us? I was so relieved the next morning when she left and said that she would be staying with another friend that night. She is still the same drunken attention whore she was back in the day!

In other news, not another word from Coach. Gee, imagine that! Stalker came over Saturday night and watched a DVD. And no...no hot sex...just cuddling on the couch and hand holding.

Addendum to my week...

So I just got a text from Coach telling me that after this weekend he should have more time for "us". Hmmm...

Oh, I didn't really tell you all about him. He is about 7 years older than I am and divorced with an 8 year old child. This child is a very active athlete already, and Coach is quite involved in her athletic life. Apparently, her traveling track season is over after this weekend, and Coach is planning to make more time for me. We shall see...

My week in review

Yeah, the title implies that I'm about to share just this week with you, but I must rewind a couple weeks.

It was two weeks ago today that I had my kitty angel put down. It was also the day that Stalker sent one of his random texts. I'm not sure that I've shared this here, but I hear from him occasionally. He would say hello sometimes, and others he would ask if/when we would ever see one another again. Due to different circumstances, I either didn't respond to him or life got in the way of us meeting up. This is a little of our text convo:

Stalker: When you taking me out on a date?

Me: Shouldn't that be the opposite way? I just left vet office. Had (Kitty Angel) put down today. :'(

Stalker: :'( oh no. I'm sorry. :-(

Me: Yeah...so it's a cryfest right now.

Stalker: I'm a little teary-eyed myself. If I can help in any way, let me know.

Me: Thanks. I'm out with my gay right now. He made all the arrangements bc I couldn't do it.

Stalker: Ok. Keep me updated.

The next day, I sent Stalker a text telling him that he could take me on a date Monday night. And take me on a date he did. We began with miniature golf, then went to one of those fairs that pop up in mall parking lots to eat funnel cake, and ended the night watching Thor in 3D. Because the movie had been out for a while, we had the theater to ourselves. Stalker even dared to cuddle with me during the movie. By the way, this was the first time that Stalker and I had gone to the theater to sit and watch a movie together! Crazy, huh?

Now rewind to about a month or so ago. I was just about to take my profile off POF when I received an email on there from what looked to be a handsome man, who also happened to be a teacher! Jackpot! Part of my dating dilemma is due to my lack of time during the school year and all the hours I put into lesson plans, grading papers, and editing the yearbook. This man would not only understand my schedule, his would be even worse because he is a coach! Double jackpot!! Coach and I spoke on the phone or texted everyday for a couple weeks, before we met at a Starbucks one afternoon. He was impressive, and we clicked. The downside? It was about 3 more weeks before we could find a mutual time to see one another again.

So...all that flashback brings me to my dating life this week.

Monday night: bowling with Stalker

Tuesday afternoon: lunch at Chipotle and dessert at Pinkberry with Stalker

Tuesday night: Fat Matt's BBQ and dessert at Cafe Intermezzo with Coach

Wednesday night: Dave and Buster's with Stalker (he even won me a monkey), followed by hot sex with Stalker...damn I missed his body on mine!

Thursday night: After Stalker's basketball game, he dropped off the new Jill Scott CD...and more hot sex!

It's now Friday afternoon, and one of my besties from high school will be in town tonight to go see the band of another high school friend play at a venue in the city. I'm sure she will spend the weekend with me, so this weekend will be dateless. I think I made up for it during the week, huh?

Some catching up...

Last I wrote, I was telling you about my old and sick cat. Almost two weeks ago, I broke down and took my female kitty to the vet. She is no longer with us. The vet said that her symptoms could be part of many illnesses. The tests for those illnesses and any following treatments would be quite costly, and there was no guarantee of a cure. I made a tough decision and let her go.

The apartment has been empty, yet clean, without her. Tears have rolled a few times, but I know she is in a better place and no longer in misery. The worst part of it all is watching my other animals look for her, and listening to the male cat cry all night. RIP my angel kitty.

Sexy Song...

"Hot Tottie" by Usher...the song speaks for itself...



I'm like oh Kimosabe
Your body is my hobby
We're freakin'
This ain't cheatin' as long as we tell nobody
Tell your girls you're leaving
I'll meet you in the lobby
I'm so cold, yeah I need that hot tottie
Hot Tottie (hot Tottie)
Hot Tottie (thought I'd never fall in love, thought I'd never fall in love)

I see you like to talk sh*t,
I hear you baby
Claiming you a bad b*tch, show me, baby
I'm a wild boy
You tryin' tame me, baby
To the were I get it from the high
Can you keep me faithful
Got a lot of girls
Got a lot of flava
That's why when I hit 'em they all need to return the favor
Yeah I hear you, what you sayin'
but hear me babe
That you can whip it to the point where I'm screaming your name

Said I'm tryin' get your clothes off
From what I'm seeing you look so soft
It's your body, what I'm goin' on
Say you go ride it, just don't fall off
Yeah I done had a lot of women
They tell me what they can do
But can you show me babe
ooooh you got me like'

I'm like oh Kimosabe
Your body is my hobby
We're freakin'
This ain't cheatin' as long as we tell nobody
Tell your girls you're leaving
I'll meet you in the lobby
I'm so cold, yeah, you that hot tottie
Hot Tottie (hot tottie)
Hot Tottie (thought I'd never fall in love, thought I'd never fall in love)

I'm a choosey lover
I pick 'em out
Talk a lot of sh*t, I hope its good as you putting out
Yeah, you fancy, huh?
I'm tryin' pull you out
See it's a lot of girls standing round
She say'
You claim you're the best
And I only want the best
So I say, ha

I ain't gonna be here long, girl
I'm tryin' get you home and get your clothes off
a couple lovin , then you doze off
You claiming it's better (?) if I take it all
So you go ride it, just don't fall off
Yeah I done had a lot of women
They tell me what they can do
But can you show me babe
Oooh you got me like

I'm like oh Kimosabe
Your body is my hobby
We're freakin'
This ain't cheatin' as long as we tell nobody
Tell your girls you're leaving
I'll meet you in the lobby
I'm so cold, yeah I need that hot tottie
Hot Tottie (Hot Tottie)
Hot Tottie (thought I'd never fall in love, thought I'd never fall in love)

I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold
I'm so cold, I'm so cold
Give me that hot tottie
Will you be my hot Tottie?
She said she wanna make me better
She wanna make me better

Wait a minute, mother f*cker

They call me King Hov, copy?
They call me King Hov, copy?
They call me King Hov, copy, copy, copy?
They call me King Hov, copy?
Big ballin' is my hobby
So much so they think I'm down with the Illuminati
My watch do illuminate
My pockets are Gottie
But I'm God body, ya'll better ask somebody
I was born a God
I made myself a king
Which means I downgraded to a human being
You was born a Goddess
I made you my queen
Which means we upgraded to Louis the thirteen
(Hot tottie)Hot Tottie, her body like cognac
Her momma like herb tea
We burned a couple of sacks
And after she sLeeped, I creeped all in her tee-pee
We did it Indian style, had the girls speaking
In tongue she like young, you hung, what you done, done
Stop it fore you wake up my momma she might (ahhhh)
Now that you've arrived it's time that I go...
I'm so cold, I'm so cold...

I'm like oh Kimosabe
Your body is my hobby
We're freakin'
This ain't cheatin' as long as we tell nobody
Tell your girls you're leaving
I'll meet you in the lobby
I'm so cold, yeah I need that hot Tottie
Hot Tottie (hot Tottie)
Hot Tottie (thought I'd never fall in love, thought I'd never fall in love)

I'm so cold, I'm so cold (ho)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold (ho)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold (ho)
I'm so cold, I'm so cold (ho)

Nothing to do with dating...

Okay...you all know I have a dog. I'm not sure that I mentioned that I also have 2 cats. They are both about 8-9 years old, and I adopted them together when they were kittens. I've loved them all their lives. But now, they have come to a point where they shit outside the litter box, no matter how often I clean it or change the litter. I can clean it and 5 minutes later there is a pile of poo right NEXT to the box! One of them pukes nonstop. She has always had a sensitive stomach, but it has gotten to point that I need to clean my carpet weekly...not just vacuum but clean it! I'm so tired and too broke to constantly buy cat litter and cleaning solution. It has gotten to the point where I feel like all I do is work and clean up after these cats. I don't even look at them with love and affection anymore. They have become more of a burden; not to mention being the crazy cat lady with the nasty puke stains on her floor really isn't going to land me a husband. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't feel right having them euthanized, but I don't trust a shelter or another person to put up with them either. I just know that I can't deal with it anymore. Suggestions?

In sickness and in health...

The Barber and I dated about 5 or so years ago for a few months. It didn't really end too well. We had different interests. I was interested in pursuing my hobbies, such as writing, photography, etc. He was interested in pursuing other women. He was a nice guy...too nice actually so he was always naive to some other women's motives. The Barber soon ended up becoming a daddy not long after we broke it off. I've spoken to him once or twice since then; the last time being about year and a half ago.

I was sitting in a faculty meeting a few weeks ago and received a text from a strange number asking if I was married yet or dating anyone seriously. When I asked who it was, it turned out to be The Barber. The Barber proceeded to tell me that he misses me and knows that we are meant to be together. He told me how much he had grown up and that he wants me to be his wife one day. I found this amusing and intriguing so I agreed to a meeting. We've since gone out a couple times; both of which he was at least 45 minutes late (due to helping some friend/family member out...remember that is the curse of the TOO NICE guy!). We text and/or talk everyday.

This week I've come down with a respiratory virus of some sort. Yet all he could do is complain that I haven't called him all week...that all we've done is text. I kept waiting for him to do the "boyfriend thing" and offer to bring me anything I might need or help me with anything I might need help with. Is that wrong?? Of course, he hasn't. Yesterday, I sent a silly text asking The Barber what was going on in the outside world where the healthy people roam. This fool started telling me what the weather was like! Duh! I've had to take my dog out; I'm well aware of the weather. Then this morning I sent a text saying how draining it was to grocery shop while this sick. He responded four hours later telling me not to over do it. I got snippy and said, "Well,my dog can't do it!" He just LOL'ed me and told me he doesn't want to catch what I have. Pfft...

Funny though...Stalker (yes, we speak occasionally, but nothing new) actually offered to be my errand boy as soon as I told him I was still sick. Something wrong with this picture, or is it just me?

I think I need a more assertive, yet nurturing, man than The Barber. I can't be in a relationship where I have to tell the man how to be in one.

POS Man 2

Not long after things ended with POS1, I had another bite. He is a military police officer and very attractive (to me anyway). We had a couple phone conversations and decided to meet at a local bookstore/coffee shop on a Sunday evening. He bought us coffee and conversation was real easy. But unlike POS1, POS2 made it VERY clear that he was attracted to me. About an hour into the date, he began to make sexual innuendos, almost to the point that I was uncomfortable. He let me know that he had a foot fetish. I still can't put my finger on it, but it was creepy for some reason. Call it a gut feeling...

I figured I hadn't given him a fair chance, so I continued to communicate with him over the next couple weeks. One night he invited me over for pizza and a movie. I went, even though I wasn't comfortable going to his home yet.* I also made the mistake of wearing flip flops! I wasn't even thinking of his love of women's feet.

As we were watching the movie, I was sitting with my legs crossed next to him on the couch. He continued to slouch further and further down in the couch, his arm stretched out. Next thing I know, POS2 is stroking the arch of my foot with his finger. I just looked at him in horror, and he said, "Oh, there was something on your foot!" I moved away from him, and yet he just continued to somehow work his way back to my foot. He thought it was cute and playful. Again, my creeper alarm continued to go off. As soon as the credits rolled, I jumped up and said it was past my bed time. My feet and I got out of there unscathed!

POS2 still continues to text. He asked me when we are going to watch a movie with him. I was honest and explained that I wasn't comfortable being alone with him in either of our homes. He claimed to understand and said we would keep it public until I'm comfortable. But of course, he hasn't bothered to ask me out anywhere again.

*no lectures please!

POS Man 1

So I joined POF around the Christmas holidays. I got many responses, but only a couple stood out. One was a man around my age with a good job and no kids (woo hoo!). We chatted on POF for a week or so and then moved it to text messaging. He was funny, and we had quite a few common interests. We finally made a lunch date for the afternoon of New Year's Eve. In person, he was very quiet and seemed a bit shy. I found him to be attractive, even though he was only an inch or so taller than I am. He wasn't drop dead gorgeous, but not too hard on the eyes. Because POS1 was so shy, I had no way of knowing if he was interested or found me attractive. We ate lunch and talked for a while, making the date last a couple hours. I drove away from the restaurant puzzled. Later that evening, he sent a text about his iPod (a reference to our earlier conversation). So that meant he was interested, right?

He eventually asked me out again for the next week. We went bowling. By the way, he had NEVER at this point actually DIALED my number; all communication was via text. We had a good time on the second date, and he showed signs of coming out of his shell. The date ended with a big hug in the parking lot at my car. This same pattern repeated for the next couple weeks. We met for dates two more times. We never went to one another's homes, and he never made a move on me. He did, however, pay for all outings. Never did we actually speak on the phone, but there was the occasional "How was your day?" text during the week. I was confused...really confused. I decided to go with the flow and enjoy the free meals, movies, and bowling.

On our last date (the 4th or 5th), POS1 shocked me and suggested that we hang out at his place and watch a DVD that next weekend. I figured a month into seeing someone wasn't too early, so I agreed. Of course, throughout the week, we didn't really talk. Finally on that Friday, I sent a text that said, "Woo hoo! It's the weekend!" A few hours later, he responded saying, "Thank goodness!" I then asked if we were still on for the weekend. He said, "I don't know. All I want to do right now is relax." Not fully understanding that that was code for "Shut up and leave me alone", I then sent another text stating that I was trying to plan something else with some friends for the weekend and just wanted to confirm a time with him. Heard nothing back until Saturday morning. While I was doing my weekly grocery shopping I received a scathing text that said, "Now I'm pissed. You don't know when to quit. You continued to text me after I told you I wanted to relax. This isn't going to work. You are too bossy, pushy, and clingy." Well, ain't that some shit? Eh, bossy and pushy maybe... :) Not sure how one can be clingy when we don't even SPEAK during the week!

POF or POS???

So when I decided that I wanted to try dating again at the beginning of the year, I joined Plenty of Fish. I chose this website because it's free. I thought I was ready to get back out there, but I didn't want to pay to do it! Well, maybe it is true that you get what you pay for! So far, I've had to throw all that fish I've caught right back out into the pond! :) The next couple entries (coming this weekend) will about those fish caught on Plenty of Shi...I mean Fish.

It's been awhile...

since I last blogged. I'll be honest...I got bored and busy. I really haven't dated until recently anyway. I took over the yearbook at my school this year, and WOW that will keep one busy! I'll get back to writing again, as I do have a coupla stories to share. In the meantime, enjoy this:


Rihanna - Skin - 2011 found on R&B



Is it just me, or has Rihanna become one hell of a bad-ass since Chris Brown beat the shit outta her???