Monday, September 29, 2008

Dead Tooth

Let me begin this by telling you the MOST attractive physical traits of a man in my book.

1. I like a big man...don't really like them short and thin.
2. I like a nice smile.
3. I love manly hands that are taken care of (but not too much!).


1. Smokers
2. Too much cologne (due to allergies)
3. Man sandals (if you don't know, ask your girlfriends....I'm sure one of them does!)

Remember the New Guy? Well, we finally met on Sunday. And let me tell you, he violated all of the above guidelines!

He came to pick me up.* As soon as I opened the door, I noticed how thin he is. Now, thin I can live with; it isn't a deal breaker. Then his scent hit me! Some kind of cheap cologne that I just knew would aggravate my allergies. I told myself to man up and give him a chance. Once in the car, another scent hit me! Yep....stale cigarette smoke...a sure sign that he is a regular smoker. So the combination of cheap cologne and stale smoke was an all out olfactory/sinus assault! I began to feel queasy, and my head began to pound.

We only went a couple miles from my place to have lunch. His hands...oh the hands were rougher than sandpaper...and I don't know about you other ladies out there, but I don't want sandpaper rubbed all over my soft and naked body! As we walked into the restaurant, I spotted the man sandal peeking from under his jeans. Sometime during the conversation at the restaurant, he smiled at me. What?? Did I just see a gold-capped tooth?? Ugh... So just to be sure, I crack some witty joke to make him laugh again. No, that wasn't a gold was...a...a...DEAD...TOOTH!!! EEEEKK!

*Only because of our nasty little gas crisis here...otherwise I would have met him somewhere.


CurvyGurl said...

Whew! A cigarette smokin', mandal-wearing dude with a dead tooth? I wouldn't have heard a word he said because my thoughts would have drifted to "the blog fam won't believe this one...!". ROFL

SaneAndSingle said...

I must admit that thought "This is great blog material!" wandered into my mind a few times.

Roxy said...

OMG... run... run...

I wish you had brought your car.

I agree with all your dislikes.

Anonymous said...

oh girl...please run far away!!

jo said...

omg! run for the hills!!!

begreen said...

So you might be a "big" woman. Is that why you and roxy don't like thin men, which by the way is a relative term whose definition varies from person to person. I assume that your definition of a thin person is someone who appears to weigh less than you or close to your weight?

Amy said...

LMAO!!! I could not WAIT for this blog when you told me about the incident earlier!!!! Friggin' hilarious!!!

The Angel and Demon Within said...

~Begreen, Sane is talking about about men so thin that they disappear when they turn to the side. A woman wants a man not a skinny 14 year old.

I find it rude and sad that you felt the need to leave your post.

lisaq said...

Yikes! Run! Run far, far away!

SaneAndSingle said...

begreen: I find it interesting that out of all that I wrote in this entry, the only piece of information you pulled from it was the part about thin men.

You really should not ASSume things about complete strangers, as you don't know me nor roxy!

A thin person is one who is not height-weight proportionate (6'4" and 175 lbs). Whether I call a man thin or not has absolutely nothing at all with his weight compared to mine! That is ludicrous, really. I am a tall woman with a few curves, not a "big" woman. I don't care for men with bodies of boys. If that offended you, I do apologize. Some women like the basketball player build, I just prefer the football player size. Just a preference....even "little" women have those.

From this point forward, please keep your comments on the positive side. I started not to even approve that comment, but hey, I wasn't the one ASSumming! :)

Dimplz said...

We all have our preferences. I am sure if S&S said she preferred a thin man she'd run into the same problem with other commenters. She is the one who has to date the guy not us. Let's all worry about our *own* preferences.

PS That was a scary dude.

Non Sequitur Chica said...

He sounds sexy. Can I get his number? ;-)

SaneAndSingle said...

You're right Dimplz. It doesn't matter what my preferences are. Somebody always has to criticize.

Non Sequitur: Yeah, I shoot that number to you in email! ;)

Therapeutic Ramblings said...

curvy: Mandal-Wearing....that made me laugh. a lot.

S&S: Did he drive an IROC?! Good lord that sounded like a nightmare.

This Cheeky Goddess... said...

Hilarious! Suddenly my last date seems a little better - Cons about younger boys - no proper 'date', no chivalry... no clue. Pros about younger boys - no dead teeth!