Mamma Mia!

I went to see Mamma Mia! tonight with one of my girlfriends and my gay boyfriend. The movie was fun (with the exception of Pierce's singing!), but it made me sad and lonely. So much of it was about undying love, and it made me want to gag. My friends, I do believe I've lost hope. And that is the saddest part of it all. :(

4th of July

I had a few friends over for a BBQ on the 4th of July. It was just me, a couple girlfriends, and my fag (whom I love love love to hag!). One of my girls decided to invite a new fellow over. He was some dude that she had met on some dating website.

When he showed up, I was very UNimpressed. Scrawny* claimed that he was in his mid-thirties. He looked to be...um...uh...12! He needed to eat, bench press, do some pushups, anything to put some meat on those bones. Think Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid body, without the tight clothes and high water jeans.

Scrawny* was very quiet. During the evening it somehow came out that Lil Man had kids....5 of 'em!!! HUH??? Don't people know how that shit happens? There is no excuse for a scrawny, unattractive, never married, single man in his mid-thirties to have 5 rugrats! Damn, condoms and the Pill are cheaper!

Anyway, I managed not to judge out loud when this secret surfaced. We made it through the evening, and I didn't really even talk to Scrawny* too much, as he was there with my girlfriend. Besides, I had my other girlfriend and was too busy hagging my fag!

The next day my friend who invited Scrawny* called to tell me that as soon as he left her that night, he sent her a text. It went a lil something like this:

"Would you mind if I ask your friend, (SaneandSingle), out? I really should have asked you for a full body pic. I'm more of a boobs man."

HOW. FUCKING. RUDE!!

The funny thing was that my friend wasn't attracted to him either, as were NONE of us! But we would have never been so rude about saying it!

*Name has been changed to protect the boyish body.

My Top 3 Fave Curse Words, Tell-Offs, and Comebacks!

Ah, I have been tagged by Lisaq! I'm such an evil bitch, you would think this would be easy for me! The difficult part is narrowing this shit down to just THREE for each category!

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Curse Words:
1. Muthafuck (or any variation of the word...a simple "fuck" will also suffice!)
2. dumbfuck (yeah...I really do love the F bomb in all its forms!)
3. asswipe (hehe...usually exclaimed during moments of road rage)

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Tell-Offs:
1. Let me bend over and let you bite my big, fat, white, ass!
2. If I had a dick, you could suck that too!
3. Stupid should hurt! (another variation....Can't fix stupid!)

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Comebacks:
1. Aw honey, are there no mirrors at your house?
2. Being a fucktard is NOT a disability.
3. I know it hurts to think and talk at the same time.

I'm tagging jo, ecrivain, and Who's That Gurl?

Hopes

No matter how much and how often I tell myself not to get my hopes up, it seems to happen anyway. Even when you think you've played the game with caution and not gotten too involved, it still hurts when he lets you down. I'm not really sure how much more disappointment I can take.

The Third and Final Chapter of the FWB

After my drunken fit on the phone with the FWB, he told me he understood and that he would try harder, that he wanted to be there for me, and see what we could have together. Um...yeah. That lasted all of about 3 weeks.

He finally called me one night and told me that he didn't think he could give me what I wanted or deserved. He wasn't "in a place in life" to allow him to have a relationship. Um...yeah...think I had figured that out already!

We didn't talk too much and didn't see one another for a about a month. Then one day he sent me a text, saying hello and that he missed me. Ugh...I fell for it. Of course, he still couldn't handle a relationship. So there's the story of the FWB. We continued to have sensational sexual relations for the next 4-5 months. It went no where. It got old. I'm too old for this. I need more of a connection. He still says hi occasionally, hoping for some ass. *sigh* This is why I'm not trying on the celibacy thing for a fit.

Who is this?

So I was awakened bright and early this morning by the sound of my cell. Yep, it was a text message from a strange number. It went a little something like this:

Stranger: Hey, what's up?
Me: Who is this?
Stranger: Brad*
Me: The same Brad* that canceled on me last minute a few months ago and never called again?
Stranger: Huh? We met at HipHuggers**.
Me: I haven't been there in almost a year.
Stranger: You were with your girls, and I was with one of my boys. I complimented your outfit. We danced, we danced hard. We then exchanged numbers.


By this time, I'm lost...so lost. Who tha??? I can count on one hand how many times I have been to this particular club, and the last time was nearly a year ago. I've never danced "hard" with anyone of interest there, although I have had a couple of decent conversations, sans dancing, there. So I replied:

Me: I can't say I remember dancing "hard" with someone and giving him my number there.
Stranger: LOL. You know this is the 2nd time I've pulled this on you. This is Brad* who canceled!
Me: Um. I was confused.
Stranger: But at least you're smiling now.
Me: Not really smiling.


Please explain why a grown man would play such "pranks".
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*Names have been changed to disguise the MIA.
** Names have been changed to prevent you, my readers, from stalking me.

FWB...Chapter 2

So the FWB and I tried to date. We really did. We are both very busy professionals, and often our schedules conflicted. Every time we tried to plan a date, it was postponed or canceled altogether. Obviously if two people who are animalistically attracted to one another can't get together before 11:00 PM, guess what becomes the focal point of that relationship??? Yep, good old fashioned, sweaty, hot, freaky, screaming for our Savior SEX!! Mmmm mmmm good...

I was hooked! Then one day, after a couple months, it happened. He was to be at my place about 9:30 one Wednesday night. I was showered, shaved, groomed in all the right places, and smelling sweet by 9:00 PM. Ten o'clock rolled around, and I hadn't heard from him yet. I called....voicemail. I texted....no response! This man finally called me back around 11:30 PM, saying " Do you still want me to come over? I fell asleep and just woke up." Oh wow...I felt so warm and fuzzy...NOT!! I was nice and told him to get some rest, and we would reschedule for the weekend or something.

Weeks go by and we continue "dating" (ahem...fucking), although not nearly as often as I would have liked. I have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy....I want it often...as often as I can get it. We discussed the frequency of our "dates", and he agreed to "date" me more often. And then it happened...again....except this time? He fucking just FORGOT about our "date." That hurt...

A few days later, after a bottle of Shiraz, I cursed, screamed, and cried into the phone at him, expressing my hurt and anger over him forgetting about me and the fact that all we did was fuck....no real dates...just fucking! I wanted...I needed more.