FWB...how it came to be...Chapter I

The FWB*...he began as a crush...

The FWB* and I met at orientation for my last job. Well I say met, but really I just watched him from across the room. He was sooo ridiculously cute with his wittle baby face and smile that made me melt. For the entire 4 days, I tried to find the right opportunity to approach him...hell, a REASON to approach him. Even though I seem like a loud-mouth, I am actually rather shy when it comes to boys! hehe

It turns out that he would be working upstairs from me, so there was no rush. But what did I do?? I stalked him. Yep. I MySpace-stalked the guy! Once I found out his name, I looked him up on MySpace....lo and behold! There my cutie was! So I added him as a friend. He then responded with a flirty little message. We had a MySpace relationship for a few weeks, and finally! he asked for my phone number. Things moved quickly from there, and we made plans to do dinner and a movie one Friday night after work. Of course, if you know me, you know that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong! And accordingly, FWB* had to work late and had to reschedule for Sunday night. Sunday night rolled around, and he was late coming back into town (weekend trip) and rescheduled again. This was not looking good, my friends...

By the time we could actually find a mutually good time to meet, we decided to just rent a DVD. And well...we didn't exactly "watch" it! There was no question about the physical chemistry between us. Like a magnet to steel, he was to me. However, we didn't "seal the deal" that first night, but the second time he came over....WOW! BEST. DICK. EVER. I fell...hard...fast!


*Name withheld to protect fantabulous (possibly magical) dick.

I Get Weak...

It's late night/early morning. I'm lonely. Don't think this celibacy stint will last too long. My old FWB keeps trying to bring over some of that hot, steamy, nasty, slow-grinding sex he does oh-so-well! I'm trying to resist....really. But this man has one of the most beautiful dicks I've ever seen, in real life or in porn! Not only is it gorgeous, but wow! he knows how to use it! I can't stop imagining my legs wrapped around his waist...or neck...Uh huh, you gotta lick it before you stick it*....my back arched.......

Ok, I'm going to bed. Alone. Again.

*I'll give you a cookie if you actually know that song!

Wish me Luck...

So I've decided that I need to clear my head. I'm taking this class that is soon to end...thank God!! I'm also looking for a job (ahem...so if you know anybody in the legal field, get at me!). These two things have kept me in a haze.

I want sex....but I don't want sex with just anybody. And there is nobody in my life that isn't just anybody. You following me? I'm thinking I need a real connection with someone. It's been too long. I'm lonely. I'm horny.

So yeah, I'm thinking I'm entering into a self-imposed celibacy phase. Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense, even though it does to me.

Then what?

I sent a text to a man I've only spoken to a couple of times. I asked him if he wanted to meet for a drink tomorrow night. He responded with, "Then what?" All I could say back is, "Wow." The fucker then had the nerve to send me another text a few minutes later that went a lil something like this:

"Don't be mad at me, but I'm not sure who this is. Could you refresh my memory?"

Sigh...

Period panties??

I met a new man on a dating website a couple weeks ago. We spoke on the phone daily, complete with "Good morning sweetie" text messages (from him to me). Unfortunately (or fortunately), he isn't a local man, so we had to postpone a meeting until both our schedules permitted. He only lives a couple hours away, so he made the drive to my city on a Friday night.

He played it smart and decided to get a hotel room instead of expecting to stay at my place. I mean what if we didn't hit it off??? He wasn't gonna be hanging in my space all weekend.

So I met Steve* at his hotel, and we went to dinner from there. Things were flowing well. Steve* was tall, dark, and handsome (every girl's stereotypical dream, huh?) We laughed, we joked, we talked about the flexibility of the word "fuck"**....all over a bottle of wine and some appetizers. And yes, we ended up back at the hotel, just talking. I thought we were going to bar, but he apparently had other plans. He said he wanted to just chill and watch TV. So somewhere in the conversation, Steve* asked what kind of panties I was wearing (Exsqueeze me?). I just laughed and said, "Well a girl can't be too creative during certain times of the month!" Steve* looked like an eight year old who just had his bike stolen! He asked, "so you're on your period?" I said, "Yes." He then had the nerve to say, "Why didn't you tell me that before I drove here?" Talking about a mood killer!

* Names have been changed to protect the lustful.

**Fuck in its various forms may serve a variety of purposes and can perform as several parts of speech, such as noun, adjective, verb, etc. Not to mention is an all-time favorite of mine!

Bad Tip=Bad Birthday

Brad* took me out to dinner for my birthday. We went to a lovely little restaurant, with a vibrant atmosphere and delicious food. Oh, and the drinks...YUMMY!! We laughed, joked, and sampled one another's food through dinner. It was an all around PERFECT birthday dinner. Until....

The check came. Brad* used his cell phone calculator to determine the tip. He recalculated, and said aloud, "I guess that's right." He said 15% was around $10. When I asked the amount of the check, he told me $75, and I agreed that that sounded about right. Brad* paid with a credit card, and when he wrote $5.00 on the tip line, I thought he was joking! I mean, that was LESS THAN 10%!!! Really??!! I laughed out loud and said, "Please tell me you're going to put a 1 in front of that??" He then said he believed the service could have been better. I didn't see anything wrong with the service. His suggestion was if I felt that way, I could leave some money to add to the tip. WTF??? It was my BIRTHDAY!

*Names have been changed to protect the cheapskates.

From Coffee to Bed...in 8 months...

I was awakened by a text message on my cell phone this morning. When I looked at the message, it said, "U want me to come spend the night tonight and watch movies? :)"
My reply...."No"

Normally, this would have been a sweet little offer coming from my boyfriend, or even someone I have been dating/hanging out with for a while. But this??? This was from a guy I haven't talked to since October 2007....yep about 8 months ago! Um...WTF? To top it all off, I only went out on ONE date with him back in October...we met at a Starbucks and chatted for a while. I'm not even sure if that's a date!

What the hell??? Why?? I'm befuddled.