Distractions

I've decided that I need a distraction. A distraction from Stalker. I care about him, but I am realistic...it's not real likely that his "situation" will end anytime soon. So needless to say, it would be a safety-net for my feelings if there was someone else hanging around. I thought Bookstore Boy would be a possibility, but I never heard from him again after I called him a homophob! I've been reading what you all have said. And yes, it is unfair that he has his "ex" and I have no one to fall back on. At the time I met Stalker though, I was still hanging on to MatchMan. I've decided to join E-harmony.

I initially created my profile on there because of Stalker. We thought it would be fun if their personality matching expertise would match us up. We weren't matched. But I kept getting emails galore from the website. I decided to give it a try on the same day that Stalker was out of state. So far, it's a whole lotta uninteresting. I'm sorry...I can't vibe with just anyone. This is why Stalker is so unusual.

Ex-Coworker keeps texting and asking when he can see me. Again, he is a nice guy...not as bright as I prefer and we can get along only in short spurts of time. I'm wondering if it's even worth trying to plan some time together.

Monday...yay!

I really don't have much to say, but I did want to post. This past weekend was full of drunken antics, none involving Stalker or any other man for that matter. It was a full on girls weekend, and a good one at that!

I did hear from Stalker via text throughout the day on Saturday. Then Sunday came....and nothing. I texted him Sunday night and asked, "Are you still alive?", as it's unusual not to hear from him at some point during the day. He responded an hour and a half later with "just leaving (insert name of state where 'ex' now lives)". Interesting...I had no clue he was taking a trip this weekend. The cards will fall where they will...

Dear Stalker

Dear Stalker,

Let me start by saying that Thursday night (and Friday morning :D) was fan-fucking-tastic! I only wish that we could have more nights like that. Don’t get me wrong; I love every moment we have together. I haven’t felt this kind of chemistry and spark with any man in such a long time. And yes, you are the nicest man I know (even though I laughed it off when you said it), as bittersweet as that is!

That being said, I wish things were different. I wish there was no “situation” and that we were free to let develop whatever it is that is clearly developing between us. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case.

I know this began as a friends-with-benefits kinda thing, and I have no right to demand anything more from you. I won’t. There are some things that I would like you to know though as you make decisions in your “situation”.

1. I care about you. I know I’ve told you this before, so this isn’t news to you. And I know you also care about me, no matter what your “situation” may be. I can tell by your actions, your tenderness, the amount of time you spend with me (without sex), and the look in your eyes when you look at me.
2. I would like to be a part of your life, not a secret you keep from friends and family.
3. I love how you check on me every few hours when you know I don’t feel well and how you worry about if/what I ate that day.
4. I love how unselfish you are when it comes to “nookie time”. That “nookie time” is incredible, and I know you think so too.
5. It drives me crazy to know I take a backseat in your life whenever “she” comes around. I don’t like not hearing from you and knowing that you are with “her”. I dread your birthday and Thanksgiving, because I know you have plans with “her”.
6. Ugh. I think I want to be “her”, no matter how I try to deny it.

Again, I know I can demand nothing of you given the current “situation”. But that won’t stop me from acknowledging that we have crossed a line I don’t think either of us intended to cross. I’m enjoying this line-crossing and would like for it to continue.

Love,
SaneAndSingle

P.S. I've also told you my opinion about your situation. I've told that, deep down, you know it won't work. I still hold that same opinion, regardless of any non-friendship feelings I may now have for you.

Sexy Song of the Week

Today I'm featuring remakes of sexy/romantic songs.

I Want to Know What Love Is by Foreigner

Foreigner - I Want To Know What Love Is
Uploaded by manon42. - See the latest featured music videos.

The remake by Mariah Carey:

Mariah Carey - I Want To Know What Love Is (new 2009)
Uploaded by ChaOko_01. - See the latest featured music videos.

Lyrics:
I gotta take a little time
A little time to think things over
I better read between the lines
In case I need it when I'm older
Aaaah woah-ah-aah

Now this mountain I must climb
Feels like a world upon my shoulders
And through the clouds I see love shine
It keeps me warm as life grows colder

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
Can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
Aaaah woah-oh-ooh

I'm gonna take a little time
A little time to look around me, oooh ooh-ooh ooh-ooh oooh
I've got nowhere left to hide
It looks like love has finally found me

In my life there's been heartache and pain
I don't know if I can face it again
I can't stop now, I've traveled so far
To change this lonely life

I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
I wanna feel what love is
I know you can show me
I wanna know what love is
I want you to show me
And I wanna feel, I want to feel what love is
And I know, I know you can show me

Let's talk about love
(I wanna know what love is) the love that you feel inside
(I want you to show me) I'm feeling so much love
(I wanna feel what love is) no, you just cannot hide
(I know you can show me) yeah, woah-oh-ooh
I wanna know what love is, let's talk about love
(I want you to show me) I wanna feel it too
(I wanna feel what love is) I wanna feel it too
And I know, and I know, I know you can show me
Show me what is real, woah (woah), yeah I know
(I wanna know what love is) hey I wanna know what love
(I want you to show me), I wanna know, I wanna know, want know
(I wanna feel what love is), hey I wanna feel, love
I know you can show me, yeah




Terence Trent D'Arby's Sign Your Name

Terence Trent D'Arby - Sign Your Name
Uploaded by Jazzi801. - Music videos, artist interviews, concerts and more.

And damnit...Kevin Lyttle also made this song. Unfortunately, I can't find it anywhere that I can embed it here.

Lyrics:fortunately you've got someone who relies on you
we started out as friends
but the thought of you just caves me in
the symptoms are so deep
it's so much too late to turn away
we started out as friends
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my baby
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my lady
time i'm sure will bring
disappointments in so many things
it seems to be the way
when your gambling cards on love you olay
i'd rather be in hell with you baby
then in cool heaven, it seems to be the way
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my baby
sign your name across my heart
i want you to be my lady
birds never look into the sun
before the day is gone
but ohthe light shines bright
in a peacefull day,stranger blue leave us alone
we don't want to deal with you
we'll shed our stains showering
in the room that makes the rain
all alone with you,makes the butterflies in me arise
slowly we make love,and the earth rotates on our dictates
slowly we make love...............
sign your name across my heart......

Post-Drunk Text Update

After basically humiliating myself Saturday night with an assault on Stalker via text message, he still wanted to see me on Sunday! Yeah, I was surprised too! When he finally contacted me, I suggested sushi. It's his favorite...not so much mine. The least I could do is treat him to a meal he would enjoy after all that drunk-texting.

Once he got to my place, we drove up to one of his sushi spots, only to decide we were going to have Five Guys burgers instead. If there's a Five Guys near your hometown, do check it out! It is greasy and fattening...you know...GOOD SHIT! After we gorged ourselves on sloppy burgers and fries, we topped it off with Rita's custard and Italian Ice. Also good shit...check it out! So we went back to my place, about five pounds heavier. The original plan included miniature golf, but I had on my gold stripper heels and poor Stalker has a little cold. We decided, since I had Blockbuster DVD's neither of us had seen, to veg on the couch with the wine we never drank last weekend. It was a nice, relaxing afternoon/evening. I fed Stalker Theraflu, so he was pretty out of it early on.

I knew Stalker had plans this evening for some boy fantasy draft something another, so I was shocked when I received a text from Stalker telling me he was in my area this evening. I was already at the bookstore and let him know this. Of course, he just had to come by to see what I wore today. Silly Stalker...

All in all, nothing has changed with Stalker. My texts didn't seem to phase him too much. He is still calling and sending texts. He was just as attentive, complimentary, affectionate, and cuddly as usual.

No food + Jack Daniels + No Company = 1 Stupid, Silly Woman

Okay, it all started with "just one" Saturday afternoon drink. I had big plans to clean my apartment before I watched the football game. It didn't exactly work out that way. Earlier in the day, Stalker and I had spoken on the phone and made tentative plans for him to come over and watch the game with me, because our favorite teams were playing against one another.* About halfway through that first Jack and Diet Coke, Stalker called me again. He said, "Come to Kroger." My reply was "Why?" To which he answered, "So you can meet me there." He then went on to tell me that he didn't think he would make it back my way later in the evening. He said he would probably just hang out at his folks' house, because his mother has been sick...yada yada yada. So I asked again why he wanted to have a Kroger date. He said he wanted to see my face. I told him that I'm sure we will be able to hang out in the next couple days. His response? "So you would rather have no time at all than just a little bit of time to see each other?" I then told him, "I would rather you make time for me and make plans with me, instead of fitting me into your busy schedule for a minute here and there." He said he understood, and then the conversation turned to chit-chat while I poured my second Jack and Diet Coke. His phone began to break up, and he told me the battery was dying. And he was right, because about two minutes later, I lost the call. After approximately 20-30 minutes after that, I received a text from Stalker:

Stalker: :( me phone died. It was nice chatting with you and hearing your voice. ;) i'll contact you later
Me: I figured. :-( My voice is good enough for you?

I got no reply, and I poured a third JD and Diet Coke. My BFF, Angel and Demon had called me the night before, and I missed it. So she was the lucky recipient of a drunk dial from me. Now, this woman is my oldest and dearest friend; she is my sister...the one who knows me better than I know myself. She even posted about me here.

She listened to my drunken babble about work, life, Stalker, and other random shit I'm sure I've forgotten already. To sum it all up, she said "You are falling for (Stalker), and you need to tell him." I interjected and explained that I can't because I knew his "situation" when I agreed to sleeping with him. I expected to be a cougar on the prowl and make him my prey. She said, "I know, but you are going to have to let the wall down and take a chance. He obviously feels something for you too, if he wants to see you for a few minutes to see your face and hear your voice." I get what she is saying. There is definite chemistry there, but no matter what his feelings are for me, they will always be stronger for "her". They have a history and a life together I could never compete with or expect him to just give up and take a chance on me.

While I chatted with my BFF, I'm sure I poured a fourth and a fifth JD and Diet. By this time, the game was on, my team was losing, and my apartment was still filthy! I looked at my FB profile, where I had updated my status to say "(SaneAndSingle) deserves so much more." Stalker had clicked the "like" button! I wonder if he realized that I was talking about him?! I pointed this out to my BFF, and she just said, "He realizes what a good person you are and knows you need more." Again, I understand where she is coming from, but I just enjoy my times with Stalker so much that I don't want to mess it up in any way. I don't want to push him away or scare or make him think he is going to hurt me. I just want it to last for as long as it can. Sigh...after that, the BFF filled me in on her daily drama too. You know we all have it! :-)

When I realized that Stalker's team was demolishing mine, I sent a text:

Me: Can't believe you've had nothing smart to say! Guess you really are busy... :-(


Yeah, I had reached pathetic, sad drunkenness...never had dinner. I don't advise having a date with Jack Daniels unless said date includes a meal. Anyway, Angel and Demon made the mistake of letting me off the phone, only to have yet another JD and Diet. An hour after that last unanswered text, I sent this:

Me: So (Angel and Demon) says I'm falling for you. Have a good night.

Yep, now I'm mushy-I-wanna-express-my-deep-feelings drunk! No worries...I soon became angry drunk! This is the text from angry drunk Not-so-SaneAndSingle:

Me: Ok well fuck you too...and good night.


I immediately thought "Oh shit!" and regretted it, so:

Me: I'm sorry. That was uncalled for even if you haven't responded. I'm drunk...and mad and sad and everything...

Then??? I passed out. I woke about four hours later to see the light on my BlackBerry indicating I had a message (somewhere in there I had silenced my phone). It wasn't Stalker, but some other idiot, who worthy of his own entry at a later date. So, what did I do at 3:13 AM while I'm still drunk and wanting to vomit??? Of course, I did the logical thing! I sent a text to Stalker (still in angry drunk mode, as it tends to last longer!):

Me: You didn't have to lie to me. I know you weren't just hanging out at home w/ fam. If you were, you would've sent text, called, or even come and watched game. :(


I rolled over, not realizing my phone was on silent. When I roll over again, I see the light blinking. I had a missed called and a text from Stalker.

Stalker: Sorry. My phone died. I fell asleep.
Me: Ok. Well I'm drunk and sick. Nite nite.
Stalker: :( can I spend time with you tomorrow?
Me: Yes. Call me in am. If no answer still sleep. Phone on silent to avoid other crazy ppl like me.


I haven't heard back from him as of yet. But the moral of this story??? Don't drink alone, and if you do, hide your phone from yourself!

More Gaps...Drunken Post

Yeah, it's early in the evening, but I'm already tipsy. I left a couple gaps open in my last post.

I did finally hear from Stalker last night after I posted. He sent a text that said, "I home safe" at about 9:45. Well, that was nice of him to let me know! Really, I am glad he made it back safely, but it makes me more aware of our situation. I like him...too much. But like I said, I'm going to enjoy it for what it is while it is. I know he is in a difficult situation, and I'm trying to be understanding. We have talked and texted a bit today, and I still can't seem to get enough of him.

In other news, well not so much new...it happened a month ago! FWB came over about a month ago. I can't believe I neglected to blog about this!! He had been calling and texting for a while, telling me he wanted to try again. I tried to give him a chance one weekend, but he just disappointed me again by waiting until after midnight to call when we had plans. I, being the damn nice person that I am, gave him another chance the next weekend. He came over on a Saturday night to watch a football game. This was the first time he had been to my new place, which I've been in since January. He kept telling me that he could distract me from my favorite football team...ahem, I beg to differ. So when he got to my place, he came in, no hug or anything, sat on my couch and pulled his dick out! Oh my! Such a fucking turn off! I just said, "Please put that away, I'm trying to watch football." I mean, really, could you at least pretend you are interested in a little conversation??? During halftime, I realized I was hungry. We decided to make a run to Taco Bell. He was incredibly rude to the drive through worker. What happened to the polite man I met a couple years ago? Turn off #2! Once we got back, ate, and watched a little more of the game, this mofo had the nerve to fall asleep on my couch!! Turn off #3! I woke him at the end of the game and asked him to leave. He said, "Yeah, it doesn't look like you are as interested as you once were." And no, I'm not. He took off in the middle of the night, not to be heard from again.

Guess who I ran into today at Target? KH!! Yeah, I was looking at hair stuff, and I hear "Hey you!" from behind, only to turn and see him. Ugh. We chit-chatted about meaningless life stuff, such as football and work. He then said that he would love to get together and do something sometime. I mentioned that I was renewing my lease soon and said that I thought about asking for another apartment in the same complex. But I don't really care to pack and move again. He assured me that if I did he would actually come help me this time. KH then proceeded to apologize for his bad behavior, and explained that he was "in a bad place" mentally when we met. Who isn't "in a bad place"?? I'm so over the recycled BS.