After that wonderful Thursday night with Stalker, we got back into our text routine during the work day. It continued into Friday evening, and then he went silent until Saturday morning. He sent a text telling me that he fell out at 9ish Friday night and slept until about 11:00 on Saturday morning. This isn't surprising after the week he had. He then told me to have a good weekend. Um...huh?? I replied that I was hoping he'd be a part of my weekend, to which he said that it would be a family weekend since he would be out of town the next weekend (visiting "her" for his birthday). This is the text convo from there:
Me: I don't want you to go
Stalker: :(
Me: I need to talk to you
Stalker: K. Bout what?
Me: What do you think?
Stalker: Its too early for me to think...
Me: Do you even remember our talk on Thursday morning?
Stalker: I do.
Me: And what are your thoughts on it?
Stalker: I honestly don't know
Me: Well you acted like you wanted to move forward Thursday night. I think you should give me...give US a chance.
Stalker: I have to see how next weekend plays out
Me: Then maybe you should give me some time too. I know you feel for me.
Stalker: Yeah I do care about you. But I have to see what she is thinking
Me: So basically I get 2nd prize if she doesn't want you?
Stalker: I dunno.
Me: It would be great if we could actually talk in person.
Stalker: K. Tomorrow may be cool.
Me: You are making a huge mistake.
Stalker: :(
Me: I think you really do know it. And that's the shit of it all. Have you/are you going to tell her about me?
Stalker: Probably not
From this point on, my inner psycho just came out. I called him to try to explain that I would like to do something for his birthday before he left for the weekend. Stalker's response? "Can't we do it after I come back in town?" My anxiety level rose into over-drive! I panicked and said, "There may not be an after next weekend!" He was at his niece's soccer game, and he said he would call me later. I told him I wouldn't be home, because I had plans to go out. He then said he would text me instead. Guess what??? No call...no text all day Saturday.
Finally on Sunday he contacted me via text. I was pretty short in my responses. We did decide that he would come over after his family activities later in the evening. A couple hours later, Stalker texted me to say he was probably going to the gym in a little while (we belong to the same gym). When I asked what happened to family time, he told me his dad was going with him. I'm still not quite sure why he felt the need to check in with me like that, so all I said was "Y'all have fun!"
Fast forward a couple more hours, he sent a text telling me his sister was in the emergency room again (She has been experiencing severe migraines), and he would keep me updated. I suggested that we reschedule Monday evening, but then we realized both of us had prior commitments. So we finally decided on Tuesday evening right after work.
Just as I was about to settle in for a date with my DVR on Sunday evening, I receive a text from Stalker:
"Me and my bro gonna go bowling at (Stalker's local bowling alley). Wanna go?
Huh? I just called him, because all this texting was getting confusing! Last word I had was that he was on the way to the ER. He informed that his sister told him not to come, so he and his brother decided to go on with the original family plans to bowl. I reminded him that my car was messed up (turns out it was just the battery) and I didn't want to drive anywhere until I got it checked out. Stalker offered to go out of his way to pick me up.
So yeah, I went bowling with Stalker and his brother last night. We had a pretty good time. It was kinda strange hanging with Stalker and someone else. Every time we've done anything together, it was always just the two of us. It was difficult not to smack him on the ass or get super flirty with him. His brother was a pretty nice guy. He is much more quiet than Stalker and less outgoing. At one point, Stalker's brother asked me if I work with Stalker. I'm not real sure what Stalker had/hadn't told him about me. I just told him that Stalker and I met at a party a while back and became fast friends. What?? It wasn't a lie! The night ended with a hug from Stalker when he and his brother dropped me off at my place.
23 comments:
I'm gald the night went well. Wonder what his reaction would have been if you had stole a kiss or hug in front of his brother.
I bet this next weekend is going to be a real bitch for you knowing where (and who) he is going to be. I hope you stick to your plans to go out of town. It'll do you good to keep busy and have some fun of your own.
i hate to be the wet blanket, but after this post, i'm really not thinking that there is much future in this. he really does seem to be treating you as second best. and not entirely too willing to talk bout it probably 'coz he's unsure. he wants his cake and wants to eat it as well. i felt like the lil texts bout going to the gym and his sister and the invite for bowling was all his ways of trying to keep you hanging around a lil longer. i don't know. but i do think you're worth more than just this.
I cringed while I was reading because I have definitely done what you are doing. I wish you luck, girl. Just keep telling yourself that he doesn't care, because even if he does feel something for you, you still might not wind up together. Take it easy and have fun.
I'm sorry to post it again, but this just re-affirms:
Stalker's Priorities
1. Stalker
2. Stalker's Ex
3. You, maybe.
Have some pride and kick him to the curb. He has no intention of committing to you, as he'll go see his ex', he'll come back...and then he'll leave the next time she breaks a nail, needs a window fixed, etc. I think you deserve more at this point, no?
I don't know if I have said this before, but I don't believe she is an ex. Even if they are broken up, that's not how they are acting. Some people are hung up on their exes for years. I know a guy who my friend knows, just got a tattoo with his ex's name. They are an on and off couple and they will probably outlast everyone around them. People do strange things when they aren't ready to let go.
Okay people, I see and understand each and every point you have made. But remember, Stalker and I entered into this whole situation as nothing but FWB's. I just let him know how I feel last Thursday. Today is TUESDAY!! Yes, I do deserve more; I agree. But I also knew what I was getting into when I started hanging out with Stalker. Matters of the heart aren't always resolved in a few days. Stalker has known "her" for 10 years or more. He has known me for 2.5 months. Things have been unresolved between them since he and I met. What would be more comfortable for most of you? What would be the logical safe choice? I'm not saying that I want him to choose her, but I can understand why that would be the "easy" choice. I hope in my heart that he does choose to give us a chance. All I can do is let him know how I feel.
When I reach the point that I feel he will never make a decision, I will walk away. If you knew me in real life, you would know that when I've had enough, I shut off my emotions in a snap. Ask Angel and Demon!
Wow - you're really getting the short end of the stick.
Where's the self love? Dignity? Respect? You are accepting THIS kind of subpar treatment -- and then in front of others as well....?
Come on girly, drop the man who doesn't care about you and make yourself available for someone who does. This is all unacceptable for any self respecting woman. Totally unacceptable.
And so what if you knew what you were getting into? Did you sign a contract? Do you have to stay in it? You can jump ship right now today. You're freeeeeee and single. No pain should fill your heart because of a man WHO IS NOT EVEN YOURS.
Why are the roles so reversed? Why is it up to HIM to make the decision? You're the woman -- you're the prize!! The man for you will convince YOU that YOU need to be with him. Anything less than that just doesn't work out. We need to get back to our original roles. Everything fits much better then.
I never said I was staying forever. Again, he and I just revealed that feelings had developed. I didn't expect him to make a huge decision immediately. Like I said, I know when enough is enough...for me. But I am an understanding person, and I've been in a situation like Stalker's before. I lost the other guy (due to my infatuation with my ex), so maybe I see it all from a different angle than you guys do.
Again, I won't be idly waiting around. You can trust that too.
Please dont compare a man's situation with that of a woman's. Please. Totally different mindset. I just want women to be happy and secure. That's all. :-) Because trust me, MEN ARE.
Well it's good that you can cut off your emotions. LOL As long as you are doing what YOU want to do and are genuinely happy that's all that matters. As long as you're in control of this thing and not him.
But then, what if he does leave her? Then what do you get? A cheating man?
My comparison had nothing to do with man vs. woman. I'm just saying I've been in the same position as Stalker, so I can understand being confused. Sorry if you are bothered by my feelings/opinion on what is going on in my life.
Wow...I don't check in for a few hours and you get a ton of post. Hey, Smokie, don't hold back; just tell Sane how you feel.
Jeeze people... She did just explain how she felt five days ago. It's not like she didn't know he was undecided about the ex when they started seeing each other. Stalker did already have this upcoming weekend set up weeks ago. I think it's disrespectful of Sane to force him to make up his mind right now. I think she should give him at least this coming weekend to make up his mind.
I agree that Sane is having to take the back seat and that she is worth SO MUCH MORE. I also know how she works and she will only play it out a little bit more. She may not be giving Stalker a set time but I know she will make up her own mind after this weekend because it will be so hard on her.
Sane, I understand what you are saying, and I am not judging your decisions. I question though, when people like yourself say you are able to turn off your emotions, how that is possible, if you are so attached and obviously feeling some kind of emotion right now. I am not certain anyone can detach so easily save for psychopaths and sociopaths. Based on your open letter to him, you said you knew that you felt he liked you from the way he looked at you. Again, you state in your text convos that he's making a "big mistake." Meaning, you are staked in this arrangement. I know you went into this thinking it would be a FWB situation, and it turned out to be more. If you are not able to control your emotions with the knowledge of the situation firsthand, then how can you turn around and say you are able to turn them off once you are already vested? Just trying to figure this out, as I have read and heard from people they are able to turn off their feelings. It's not like it's a good quality to possess...
Dimplz- It may not be a good quality to possess, but it is a defense mechanism I've developed over my life to keep from being hurt. I'm not usually too quick to let people in, and once I've been hurt enough, I don't find it too difficult to walk away. I guess that's why I don't understand people who stay in abusive relationships. The ability to walk away can be a good and a bad thing.
True that. Definitely situational. So, do you not want to turn your emotions off in case he might be the right guy for you?
It's kinda hard to explain. I don't really turn them off at will. It's something that just happens when I've had enough of whatever is bothering me or hurting my feelings. It's like a switch flips in my mind when I get fed up. You know?
I'm the type of person who becomes vested in relationships and it takes me forever to get over someone once it has ended. I have seen Sane "flip the switch" on her feelings many times. I have often wished I could do the same. I do not think that is a bad thing at all. Think of all the pain and tears it would save.
Dimplz, unlike you ("maintaining righteousness and self-righteousness" from your profile...) Sane and myself are not full of ourselves. We understand that we are humans who have faults and that we can make bad judgements.
No, Sane did not think Stalker would be the type of man she would fall for. He is young and just moving away from a long term relationship. Sane has had FWBs in the past and has never developed feelings for them. It may not be my way but it has worked for her. Her having real feelings for Stalker is a shocker for me. However, it shows me that he must have some great qualities. That is not me letting him off the hook either... I think he needs to step up to the plate.
I think he is enjoying having his cake and eating it too. Wouldn't you? Have none of you not ever been in this same spot before. I've seen both sides of this story. I can understand the emotions and fears. That doesn't make it right. It just is what it is.
I give Sane props for putting her dating trials out here for the general public to view. I give her even more props for posting all of the comments even the ones that beat her down.
i think every woman has done this at some point in life... probably several times.
It's the classic "he's just not that into you", unless he turns out to be Mr. Big.
I wish you luck as well.
Angel - Actually, I never made judgments about Sane. If you would like to know something about me, you probably should ask me instead of piecing together my satiric profile and jumping to conclusions. Sane didn't get defensive about it when I asked her how she is able to turn off her feelings, so maybe you shouldn't either.. I would LOVE to know why you didn't say anything to Smokie directly, but only chose to make assumptions about me. I have never told Sane she was wrong, and if you look over my comment again, you will see that I wasn't making judgments about her decisions. Of course, we are all free to think and act as we wish, so you can feel free to think that I am full of myself. I know the difference between arrogance and confidence.
Dimplz, I did address Somkie earlier. However, I didn't put much time into her due to the fact this was the first time she has ever commented on Sane's blog. You have commented many times. I haven't ever responded to you before even when I thought some of your comments were a bit judgemental. However, after 20 comments today and most of them being harsh I felt the need to stand up for my sister.
I think we often read blogs and forget that the writers are real people living real lives with real emotions. We may tend to leave feedback without thinking of how that might effect the writer.
Well, I can certainly understand your point of view. I try not to be judgmental in my comments, but we all have opinions and judgments. I apologize if it was hurtful to Sane. I make comments because I hate to see people get hurt, but it's never meant to sound sanctimonious. I think just as my comments seem judgmental, no one ever really knows that they come from a place of concern. I always want the best for people, and I can be a bit opinionated which comes across as admonishment. These are the same things I would say to my friends, except since I don't know you all like that, it comes across harsh. Not meant in that way at all. Good luck, Sane!
Wishing you luck with it.
Kate x
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