I Hate Funerals

My grandfather passed away this past week. The funeral was yesterday, and the worst part of it all?? My mom's face. I hate to see her cry. It tears me apart inside. That's all I'll write about that.

Needless to say, there has been very little to report on the dating front since my last entry. Stalker came over Thursday night to console me a little before I left to go out of town for the funeral Friday morning. He was sweet and cuddly. Nothing more. I returned home late last night, and he came over again (with a bottle of my favorite liquor in hand) to spend the night with me. Again, nothing more than cuddling. The cuddling was good though...quite enjoyable. My allergies were acting up, and he got out of bed at 3:00 AM to go to the store for medicine. See? He is thoughtful, even though he is still in "negotiations" with his ex. That makes it harder not to like him as more than a fuck buddy though. We did talk a little about his situation last night, and I think he really is confused about what he really wants. She has told him that she doesn't want a long distance relationship unless they actually plan to get married...basically an ultimatum for an engagement ring. He said he isn't ready for that yet, and that is the issue that they are dealing with. He said that they both have to make some changes if they are going to be together for a lifetime. I told him that they shouldn't have to change themselves in order to be together if they really want it. I was blunt with him and told him that if he really truly wanted to be with her, then he wouldn't have been in my bed with me. It's just the way I see it. He admitted that he does believe that they are just having a hard time letting go out of comfort. He even said that he hopes when she moves away that she will find real happiness and realize that she can indeed live without him. In the next breath, he began to plan a weekend getaway for me and him. I just have to remind myself that it is what it is and to just enjoy it for that. He did, at one point in the night, ask me, "So what am I to you?" My response..."What do you mean exactly?" He asked, "If one of your friends asked you what is going on with you and Stalker, what would you say?" All I could answer is "a friend." I'm not sure what he was fishing for.

Ain't No Sunshine...

This past weekend I watched Sunshine Cleaning. I don't know how many of you have seen it, but it left me speechless. And I'm not sure I meant that in a good way. I got it because I thought it would be a fun little dark comedy, but it wasn't. It was dark, almost too dark. Well hell, it was like real life!

These lines spoken by Rose, Amy Adams's character, hit waaaay too close to home for me... "There's not a lot that I am good at. But I'm good at getting guys to want me. Not date me, or marry me, but want me." I have expressed this thought in so many words to friends of mine, but this character summed it up quite nicely. Men rarely want to stay in the "friend zone" with me, nor are they ever "at a place in life for a relationship".* What is it about some women that makes them fall into this category? What makes us undesirable for marriage and/or long term relationships? And before you answer that it could be the way we dress or carry ourselves, please be aware that I am more conservative in my dress than most single women I know. I believe there is a way to be sexy without seeming trampy. I am not a fan of flaunting excessive skin. I don't talk dirty**, nor do I have a reputation for giving it up on the first night. I do like to have fun and laugh, trying not to pressure anyone into anything they don't want. Men have often told me I'm "like one of the guys, but sexier". Um yeah, ok...

Anywho...MatchMan is officially a thing of the past. I'm done for good. Really. Nothing new took place between us. He told me he loves me,***but he can't be the man he needs to be for me. No shit, Sherlock! I figured that out a while back! What took his slow ass so long?

As for Stalker, he is still hanging around. We like to bowl together. And yeah, the tension is gone, because I broke my promise to myself and to you guys. I gave him a taste of the cookie, and he likes it. Yeah, yeah, please no speeches. I'm very aware that it probably wasn't the best decision I've ever made, but let me say it all started with a little too much Jack Daniels in both our systems one Friday night. I was lonely...he was lonely, and now neither of us can get enough. I'm just enjoying it for what it is. Blame it on my inner Cougar.

*conveniently!
**most of the time
***yeah, ok whatever

Sexy Song of the Week

Okay, so many would disagree that this song/video is actually sexy. But this song makes me soooo happy and always has!

The Cure- Just Like Heaven

The Cure - Just Like Heaven


Lyrics
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe her name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only girl I loved
And drowned her deep inside of me

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven






Don't worry I will be back to fill you all in on all that's been going on in the next couple days. I just need to figure out a delivery strategy!

And then there was none...

For all those worried about the Stalker getting the cookie, worry no longer! There was never any intention of snack time any time soon! The young'n must have found a new cookie for which to hunger. He stood me up on Sunday night. Well, he didn't stand me up. He sent a text that told me he had to go to a VMA party and wasn't sure when he could be over. I just told him not to worry about it. Haven't heard too much from him since.

I'm still on break from MatchMan. Work has been figuratively kicking my ass lately, and I've been making boo-boos! So first on my list is cleaning up my mess-ups at work. Yay.

Oh yeah, happy hump day! Here's a little sexy for ya!

Maxwell - Pretty Wings (High Quality)
Uploaded by wonderful-life1989. - See the latest featured music videos.

The Stalker's Story

So you want to know more about the Stalker, huh? After meeting this scrumptious young man* over at my girlfriend's place, he found me on a popular social networking site. How, you ask? So did I! He knew my first name and my friend's first name. He later told me that he looked up my friend's profile first, because she has an unusual name. He knew I would be on her friends list. He also said he went to my employer's website to look for employees with my first name. Determined little booger, isn't he?

So began the text-affair. It went on for two days. On the third day, I asked him to tell me something funny because I had a rough day at work. Instead, he told me to come outside my apartment. Yeah! There he was! He told me he thought that a hug would be better than a funny text message. Aww...how sweet! But wait a durn minute! "How the hell did he know where I live?", I thought to myself. Hmm... So, me being me, I asked! Of course, he knew which apartment complex I live in, because my girlfriend lives in the same one**, just below his buddy who was having the cookout when we met. He said he just drove around until he saw my car. Should I be freaked or flattered? To tell the truth, I was a little of both.

Yes, before you all start calling me a cheater, he does know about MatchMan, and we have done nothing physically beyond a hug. He has a "situation" himself. Brace yourselves. He lives with his ex-girlfriend, who will be moving to another state next month. Wait! That's not all! You know I can't meet a desirable man without some kind of catch! He says that they only broke up in order "to grow as individuals". Um, excuse me, but how is that possible if they still live together? Wait!!! It gets even better!

Stalker says he and his ex may get back together officially in the next couple weeks before she moves hundreds of miles away for her new job. Is it just me, or does that sound bass-akwards? My thinking on this is, "If it ain't working while you live in the same city in the same home, how the hell will it work long distance?" I mean, even the BEST of relationships are difficult when they are long distance. And of course, I said this to him. His answer? "We will revisit it to be sure it is the right decision." I guess when you are young, dumb, and in love, you must learn the hard way. The two of them are still living together, but not "together". They have also made a deal not to become physical with other people until they know what they are doing, although they aren't having sex anymore. He claims she is afraid it will cloud her judgement about him. All too damn confusing to me...sounds like she doesn't want him but doesn't want anyone else to have him either.

Stalker and I have decided to be "just friends"..."just friends" with a whole lotta sexual tension and innuendoes bouncing in the air all around us, even through text messages. We have hung out a couple times a week since we first met. One good thing has come of it...I've developed a love of bowling. Nope, I had never bowled until two weeks ago, when he taught me! Such fun! We have a TV date tonight for True Blood.

As for MatchMan, I've told him I need a little time to think. How do you let someone go when you truly care about him, but you know he may not be the best thing for you in the long run? He has some life-restructuring to complete, and I'm not sure I have what it takes to hang in there. I'm at a point in my life that I need a man who has it together already.

*8-9 years actually!
**in a different building...it's a large complex

I've been a bad, bad blogger...

Hey y'all! I apologize for the delay. I've had internet issues, and I've gone back to work in the last month. Please do forgive me! So I have a lot of catching up to do...

MatchMan is out of jail now and has been for about 3 weeks. Unfortunately, he lost his job while locked up. He has been frantically searching and has even had some interviews, but no job offers! Needless to say, he has fallen into a deep depression. Oh, what a strain on a new relationship! I'm not sure where we stand, and I can't seem to bring myself to leave either. He hasn't exactly been the nicest guy and definitely not the same guy I first met. It's all understandable. I don't think I would be Susie Sunshine if I'd been locked up and lost my means of survival.

He's told me he doesn't want to get too attached to me because he is afraid he is going to go right back to jail. Okay, so I guess I should share why he was there to begin with at this point. It has to do with child support. There's no need for specifics, but if he doesn't find another job (like yesterday!) he's going right back next month. So yeah, there is tension.

In other man news, there's a new one hanging around. During one of my and MatchMan's recent arguments a couple weeks ago, I went to a friend's apartment to visit. Conveniently, her man-neighbor was having a little gathering of other menses and throwing some meat on the grill. One of the bbq goers struck up a little conversation with my girlfriend and me. This young man (yes, young!) was quite the charmer....mmmmm good too! I had a little alcohol in my system, and I was in super-hyper-flirt gear! This young'n told me I looked like a friend of his, and he wanted to take a picture of me and send it to some guy. Being the smart lady that I am, I explained to this hot little young thang that I wasn't in picture-taking form (I looked a hot mess because I had been out running around all day!), and I would send one from my cell to his. Yeah, genius way to get the digits...

So all this guy had after that night was my first name, my cell number, and my place of employment. So how did he find me on Facebook the next day? From hence forth, he shall be called "Stalker".

And in further news, FWB has been trying to get back in the picture. I'm feeling weak! As much as I care for MatchMan, I do have needs. I know how selfish that sounded, but it is true. Right now, I'm not sexually and/or emotionally fulfilled.

And the countdown continues...

This is day 19 and counting. MatchMan has called a few times during his forced "vacation". We have also written letters. It's all been quite romantic, considering the circumstances. For the first week or so, I didn't hear a peep from him. I later found out that he was too proud to contact me and was embarrassed. He assures me that he will never go back there again. He can't handle all the other men in there. He isn't the jailbird type. He isn't cut out for being the "tough guy". I knew this when he went in, and it had me somewhat worried. He is the kind of guy who is always laughing and cracking jokes. He is sensitive to others' needs and feelings. All that being said, he is hanging in there, but it is definitely wearing on him. In his first letter, he sent a list of "demands" upon his release...some naughty and some Rated G.

RM still continues to send text messages. The last one just said, "I hope you are well."