Motions

I want to apologize for my lack of witty dating stories lately. I haven't been feeling witty, nor have I felt like dating. I have, however, been doing a lot of crying.

Days come and go...I'm not happy, but I'm not really sad all the time either. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm just going through the motions of life.

Eyecandy

I started a new job last week. There isn't one little piece of sweet eyecandy anywhere to be seen! If I have to actually spend 8 or more hours a day in a building, please sprink it with eyecandy!

Hot Sex

I was just watching an old episode of Sex and The City. It's the one just after Carrie first cheated on Aiden with Big in the hotel. Her flashbacks to the act are soooo fucking hot! God, that's the kind of sex I want, no need!! That's want I'm holding out for. It's the animalistic, sweaty, got-to-have-you sex. It's been a long time since I've connected with a man like that. If you don't know the episode and scene I speak of, you need to brush up on your SATC.

But here's a little taste for ya!

I can do it!!!

I'm sticking to my guns! That's right...I STILL haven't had sex! It has been just over 2 months since I last had sex. I've gotten over the sex-craze hump, so to speak. I don't think about it nonstop anymore. As a matter of fact, I rarely think of it at all. Is that normal? I think it helps that I haven't really been dating either. I've been concentrating more on myself rather than trying to hook up with someone.

I have been talking to a man I met on a dating website almost 2 months ago though. We haven't met live and in person yet, due to the distance (about 500-600 miles!), but we do plan to eventually. Maybe it's my blossoming interest in getting to know him that has blocked my sexual appetite for anyone local. I never thought I would ever consider doing a long distance thing with ANYONE, but something is different about this guy. I can't really put my finger on it, but it is. Is that crazy?

Mamma Mia!

I went to see Mamma Mia! tonight with one of my girlfriends and my gay boyfriend. The movie was fun (with the exception of Pierce's singing!), but it made me sad and lonely. So much of it was about undying love, and it made me want to gag. My friends, I do believe I've lost hope. And that is the saddest part of it all. :(

4th of July

I had a few friends over for a BBQ on the 4th of July. It was just me, a couple girlfriends, and my fag (whom I love love love to hag!). One of my girls decided to invite a new fellow over. He was some dude that she had met on some dating website.

When he showed up, I was very UNimpressed. Scrawny* claimed that he was in his mid-thirties. He looked to be...um...uh...12! He needed to eat, bench press, do some pushups, anything to put some meat on those bones. Think Ralph Macchio in The Karate Kid body, without the tight clothes and high water jeans.

Scrawny* was very quiet. During the evening it somehow came out that Lil Man had kids....5 of 'em!!! HUH??? Don't people know how that shit happens? There is no excuse for a scrawny, unattractive, never married, single man in his mid-thirties to have 5 rugrats! Damn, condoms and the Pill are cheaper!

Anyway, I managed not to judge out loud when this secret surfaced. We made it through the evening, and I didn't really even talk to Scrawny* too much, as he was there with my girlfriend. Besides, I had my other girlfriend and was too busy hagging my fag!

The next day my friend who invited Scrawny* called to tell me that as soon as he left her that night, he sent her a text. It went a lil something like this:

"Would you mind if I ask your friend, (SaneandSingle), out? I really should have asked you for a full body pic. I'm more of a boobs man."

HOW. FUCKING. RUDE!!

The funny thing was that my friend wasn't attracted to him either, as were NONE of us! But we would have never been so rude about saying it!

*Name has been changed to protect the boyish body.

My Top 3 Fave Curse Words, Tell-Offs, and Comebacks!

Ah, I have been tagged by Lisaq! I'm such an evil bitch, you would think this would be easy for me! The difficult part is narrowing this shit down to just THREE for each category!

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Curse Words:
1. Muthafuck (or any variation of the word...a simple "fuck" will also suffice!)
2. dumbfuck (yeah...I really do love the F bomb in all its forms!)
3. asswipe (hehe...usually exclaimed during moments of road rage)

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Tell-Offs:
1. Let me bend over and let you bite my big, fat, white, ass!
2. If I had a dick, you could suck that too!
3. Stupid should hurt! (another variation....Can't fix stupid!)

SaneandSingle's Top 3 Comebacks:
1. Aw honey, are there no mirrors at your house?
2. Being a fucktard is NOT a disability.
3. I know it hurts to think and talk at the same time.

I'm tagging jo, ecrivain, and Who's That Gurl?