Hopes

No matter how much and how often I tell myself not to get my hopes up, it seems to happen anyway. Even when you think you've played the game with caution and not gotten too involved, it still hurts when he lets you down. I'm not really sure how much more disappointment I can take.

The Third and Final Chapter of the FWB

After my drunken fit on the phone with the FWB, he told me he understood and that he would try harder, that he wanted to be there for me, and see what we could have together. Um...yeah. That lasted all of about 3 weeks.

He finally called me one night and told me that he didn't think he could give me what I wanted or deserved. He wasn't "in a place in life" to allow him to have a relationship. Um...yeah...think I had figured that out already!

We didn't talk too much and didn't see one another for a about a month. Then one day he sent me a text, saying hello and that he missed me. Ugh...I fell for it. Of course, he still couldn't handle a relationship. So there's the story of the FWB. We continued to have sensational sexual relations for the next 4-5 months. It went no where. It got old. I'm too old for this. I need more of a connection. He still says hi occasionally, hoping for some ass. *sigh* This is why I'm not trying on the celibacy thing for a fit.

Who is this?

So I was awakened bright and early this morning by the sound of my cell. Yep, it was a text message from a strange number. It went a little something like this:

Stranger: Hey, what's up?
Me: Who is this?
Stranger: Brad*
Me: The same Brad* that canceled on me last minute a few months ago and never called again?
Stranger: Huh? We met at HipHuggers**.
Me: I haven't been there in almost a year.
Stranger: You were with your girls, and I was with one of my boys. I complimented your outfit. We danced, we danced hard. We then exchanged numbers.


By this time, I'm lost...so lost. Who tha??? I can count on one hand how many times I have been to this particular club, and the last time was nearly a year ago. I've never danced "hard" with anyone of interest there, although I have had a couple of decent conversations, sans dancing, there. So I replied:

Me: I can't say I remember dancing "hard" with someone and giving him my number there.
Stranger: LOL. You know this is the 2nd time I've pulled this on you. This is Brad* who canceled!
Me: Um. I was confused.
Stranger: But at least you're smiling now.
Me: Not really smiling.


Please explain why a grown man would play such "pranks".
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*Names have been changed to disguise the MIA.
** Names have been changed to prevent you, my readers, from stalking me.

FWB...Chapter 2

So the FWB and I tried to date. We really did. We are both very busy professionals, and often our schedules conflicted. Every time we tried to plan a date, it was postponed or canceled altogether. Obviously if two people who are animalistically attracted to one another can't get together before 11:00 PM, guess what becomes the focal point of that relationship??? Yep, good old fashioned, sweaty, hot, freaky, screaming for our Savior SEX!! Mmmm mmmm good...

I was hooked! Then one day, after a couple months, it happened. He was to be at my place about 9:30 one Wednesday night. I was showered, shaved, groomed in all the right places, and smelling sweet by 9:00 PM. Ten o'clock rolled around, and I hadn't heard from him yet. I called....voicemail. I texted....no response! This man finally called me back around 11:30 PM, saying " Do you still want me to come over? I fell asleep and just woke up." Oh wow...I felt so warm and fuzzy...NOT!! I was nice and told him to get some rest, and we would reschedule for the weekend or something.

Weeks go by and we continue "dating" (ahem...fucking), although not nearly as often as I would have liked. I have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy....I want it often...as often as I can get it. We discussed the frequency of our "dates", and he agreed to "date" me more often. And then it happened...again....except this time? He fucking just FORGOT about our "date." That hurt...

A few days later, after a bottle of Shiraz, I cursed, screamed, and cried into the phone at him, expressing my hurt and anger over him forgetting about me and the fact that all we did was fuck....no real dates...just fucking! I wanted...I needed more.

FWB...how it came to be...Chapter I

The FWB*...he began as a crush...

The FWB* and I met at orientation for my last job. Well I say met, but really I just watched him from across the room. He was sooo ridiculously cute with his wittle baby face and smile that made me melt. For the entire 4 days, I tried to find the right opportunity to approach him...hell, a REASON to approach him. Even though I seem like a loud-mouth, I am actually rather shy when it comes to boys! hehe

It turns out that he would be working upstairs from me, so there was no rush. But what did I do?? I stalked him. Yep. I MySpace-stalked the guy! Once I found out his name, I looked him up on MySpace....lo and behold! There my cutie was! So I added him as a friend. He then responded with a flirty little message. We had a MySpace relationship for a few weeks, and finally! he asked for my phone number. Things moved quickly from there, and we made plans to do dinner and a movie one Friday night after work. Of course, if you know me, you know that if anything can go wrong, it will go wrong! And accordingly, FWB* had to work late and had to reschedule for Sunday night. Sunday night rolled around, and he was late coming back into town (weekend trip) and rescheduled again. This was not looking good, my friends...

By the time we could actually find a mutually good time to meet, we decided to just rent a DVD. And well...we didn't exactly "watch" it! There was no question about the physical chemistry between us. Like a magnet to steel, he was to me. However, we didn't "seal the deal" that first night, but the second time he came over....WOW! BEST. DICK. EVER. I fell...hard...fast!


*Name withheld to protect fantabulous (possibly magical) dick.

I Get Weak...

It's late night/early morning. I'm lonely. Don't think this celibacy stint will last too long. My old FWB keeps trying to bring over some of that hot, steamy, nasty, slow-grinding sex he does oh-so-well! I'm trying to resist....really. But this man has one of the most beautiful dicks I've ever seen, in real life or in porn! Not only is it gorgeous, but wow! he knows how to use it! I can't stop imagining my legs wrapped around his waist...or neck...Uh huh, you gotta lick it before you stick it*....my back arched.......

Ok, I'm going to bed. Alone. Again.

*I'll give you a cookie if you actually know that song!

Wish me Luck...

So I've decided that I need to clear my head. I'm taking this class that is soon to end...thank God!! I'm also looking for a job (ahem...so if you know anybody in the legal field, get at me!). These two things have kept me in a haze.

I want sex....but I don't want sex with just anybody. And there is nobody in my life that isn't just anybody. You following me? I'm thinking I need a real connection with someone. It's been too long. I'm lonely. I'm horny.

So yeah, I'm thinking I'm entering into a self-imposed celibacy phase. Yeah, it doesn't have to make sense, even though it does to me.