My Weekend

Well it wasn't as busy I thought it would be. There were no dates and no haunted houses. Clean cut and Bad ended up having to work, and the other guy actually "forgot" we had plans! Both of them were sending me texts and calling all week long. Then suddenly on Friday afternoon, my phone went silent. Forgetful (as he will be called from now on) did apologize. He even offered to be my massage homework, because he knows I have to do two a week. Gee...wasn't that sweet of him?

I lied...

not purposely or anything. But it looks as if my 2 dates has become ZERO dates. :-( And I'm not even sure why.

2 Date Weekend

Yeah, I have two dates this weekend. I have a first date with a new dude tonight. We met a while back on POF, but we never actually met in person. We have emailed and sent texts a few times over the last couple of months. We finally moved to phone conversations. From our text conversations, I wasn't all that interested. Once we spoke on the phone, I thought a little more of him. So we have decided to have a meet and greet tonight when I get off from work.

Tomorrow evening, I'll be watching college football with Clean-cut and Bad. We are also talking haunted houses on Sunday, if he doesn't have to work. Yay! So I'm off to work and to enjoy my busy, busy weekend!

To All The Boys I've Loved Before....

Katy Perry - Hot N Cold by EMI_Music

Hot N Cold by Katy Perry


You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a bitch
I would know

And you over think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

[CHORUS]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery
Used to laugh bout nothing
Now you're plain boring

I should know that
You're not gonna change

[CHORUS]

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

[CHORUS 2:]
Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down
You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up
(you) You don't really want to stay, no
(but you) But you don't really want to go-o
You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in then you're out
You're up then you're down, down...

Saturday night=Date night

I went on a date last night. It was a first date with a guy I met on Match. He definitely seems to be my "type" or at least what I tend to find attractive in a man. He is clean-cut looking with a little edge to him. By this, I mean he has tattoos. They aren't obvious tattoos. He hides them, like I do. For some reason, I have a thing for nice guys with a little "bad boy" hidden inside them.

Anyway, we met up at a sports bar for dinner, drinks, and college football. This also makes me a happy girl! He is about fours my junior, which isn't so bad. He is professionally employed and pretty intelligent, with a great sense of humor. We've made plans to see one another next weekend. We've been talking haunted houses and/or roller coasters! Hells yeah! :)

Oh yeah, FWB has been texting again. And yes, I respond but take any and every thing he says with a grain of salt. When he found out I was thinking about getting a roommate, he offered to move in with me. Uh yeah, sure...right, like that will ever happen.

Happy Hump Day!

Adele's voice gives me chills every time I hear it! This is such a beautiful song...


Someone Like You




I heard that you settled down
That you found a girl and you're married now.
I heard that your dreams came true.
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you.

Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,"
Yeah.

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it.
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over.

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made.
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Never mind, I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me, I beg
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead,
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead."

Sometimes Good People Have Sad Lives

Amongst de-junking my apartment, setting up my massage table, consulting with my best friend about her issues with her son's school system, and talking for an hour with my grandmother, I've been watching Brothers & Sisters on Netflix today. In the last episode I watched, Justin was feeling down because he was turning 30 and he was alone. His brother, Kevin, told him, "Sometimes good people have sad lives, but you aren't one of them." I think I may be one of them.

Every man I meet is totally wrong for me. Okay...maybe not every ONE, although I have met some doozies in my dating career! But I tend to mess up the decent ones with my insecurities. I think I have abandonment issues (thanks dad), so with my "witty sarcasm" I manage to push away any man that may have potential. I lash out with accusatory remarks when I feel like someone is "abandoning" me again. Of course, that just pushes people away more. This only happens with men...not girlfriends, family, or coworkers. Maybe I'm so jaded that I just can't believe that the "real thing" exists for me. I know so few TRULY HAPPY couples that it seems futile sometimes, even though I'm about as lonely as one can get. I have trust issues after being lied to time and time again. I am trying to keep my heart open and my feelings honest (sometimes too honest). Just some food for thought. I've been living in my head after watching too much Brothers & Sisters.

And then after all this thought, I read this quote somewhere: “Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”- unknown This is so, so true of me.

This is how I feel most of the time.

I just watched last night's Glee, and this song (sung by Rachel and Mercedes on the show) struck me. It could have been written about me.




Irene Cara
Out Here Own My Own (from Fame)


Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

New Job

Yep...I've found one. It's only part time, and it's pretty crappy pay, but it's a job...at a SPA!! I'm going to be a receptionist. Luckily, it's just around the corner from my apartment, so I will save on gas. I start school on October 1 (yeah, a Saturday!), and I can't wait! I've never been so excited about being a broke college student! You would not believe how relieved I already feel just being away from the education system.

Stalker, of course, is still hanging around. Sometimes, there's sex, and sometimes there isn't. Either way it is comfortable. He makes me smile.

I quit...

I did! I quit! I quit my job! I'm currently one of the unemployed in America. Due to my severe allergies, my doctor required me to move classrooms. The system wasn't willing to accommodate to a degree at which I would be comfortable, so I was left with the option to resign and become eligible for unemployment. Yay! I'm relieved and afraid at once.

I'll be starting a massage therapy program next month. Just pray that I get some sort of job to pay the bills.


*This post has been shortened and changed to protect my anonymity as much as possible. Excuse the lack of detail.

All Work and No Play

Obviously, I'm back at work. This is it. It will be my last year. I can do it no longer. It sucks my soul, my spirit, and my love of life from me. If I could afford to do so now, I just wouldn't return again. Unfortunately, I'm not in the position to do so. The state has taken over my school under the guise of a grant. The teachers are constantly required to write up reports, crunch data, and attend "professional learning", leaving no time to actually teach. Until this country can get the state of education right and make the children the priority and not test scores, I can't be a part of it. We are teaching students how to take a test, not how to become productive members of society. This was not my goal 10 years ago when I first stepped into the class room. It's breaking my heart.

Old School Sexy

Since I've Been Loving You by Led Zeppelin



Working from seven to eleven every night,
It really makes life a drag, I don't think that's right.
I've really been the best, the best of fools, I did what I could, yeah.
'Cause I love you, baby, How I love you, darling, How I love you, baby,
I'm in love with you, girl, little girl.
But baby, Since I've Been Loving You, yeah. I'm about to lose my worried mind, ah, yeah.

Everybody trying to tell me that you didn't mean me no good.
I've been trying, Lord, let me tell you, Let me tell you I really did the best I could.
I've been working from seven to eleven every night, I said It kinda makes my life a drag, drag, drag, drag..
Lord, yeah, that ain't right... no no
Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose my worried mind.

Said I've been crying, yeah, oh my tears they fell like rain,
Don't you hear them, Don't you hear them falling,
Don't you hear them, Don't you hear them falling.

Do you remember mama, when I knocked upon your door?
I said you had the nerve to tell me you didn't want me no more, yeah
I open my front door, I hear my back door slam,
You know I must have one of them new fangled, new fangled back doors man.

I've been working from seven, seven, seven, to eleven every night and It kinda makes my life a drag...
a drag, drag, oh yeah it makes a drag.
Baby, Since I've Been Loving You, I'm about to lose, I'm about lose lose my worried mind.
Just One more, Just One more
Oh yeah, since I've Been Loving You, I'm gonna lose my worried mind.

Friends with Benefits?

Have you all gone to see this movie?? If not, run out and see it now! Not only is Justin Timberlake just ridiculously yummy, he and Mila Kunis are also ridiculously hilarious! Of course, it had a typical and predictable Hollywood ending. But all the stuff leading up to it will keep you laughing and even empathizing with the characters.

Needless to say, this movie also reminded me of a couple of "relationships" I've had. *cough* FWB...Stalker *cough* I'm sure neither of those will have that nice, tidy Hollywood ending at the end of two hours of laughs and one little touching visit home to the family.

So...what's been going on? Oh, a whole lot of nothing. I've returned to work as of last week, so it's back to my busy busy schedule. I will make it a point to make time to relieve stress and relax a little this school year.

Needy and I were supposed to meet up last Tuesday night, but I didn't hear from him until 9:30 that night. He had the nerve to ask if I still wanted to get together. He claimed that he had sent a text letting me know he had to attend his sister's last minute birthday dinner. I never received said text. I'm not saying he didn't send it...I'm just sayin'. So, he asked for another chance and if we could meet up that weekend. He called me Thursday morning around 10:00. I sent a text telling him that I couldn't talk, because I was in training. He replied with, "I was just saying hey! I was thinking about this weekend." I responded later that evening asking what he was thinking about the weekend. Saturday around 5:45 PM, I got a text from him saying, "Hey what are you up to? Want to catch a movie or something?" Um...way to wait until the last minute, buddy! By this time I was out with a girlfriend. I told him that I had made other plans since I hadn't heard back from him in two days. Since then, he has been blowing up my phone daily!

It's a Hump Day Thing!

All Night Thing by Temple of the Dog

Anytime Chris Cornell opens his mouth to sing, things get sexy!

Sad Face

Ex-Coworker didn't make it to visit this past weekend, due to both of our schedules. He had to attend a wedding Saturday, so he wouldn't have gotten to my place until the wee hours of the morning Sunday. I had to get up and go to a Sunday lunch for my gay who is moving away this week. That was an all afternoon affair. Ex-Coworker and I decided it would be best if he plan a weekend just for us, so we can actually spend time together and talk to see what may be between us. When that weekend will be I'm not sure. Hopefully soon...

I got another bite on POF, but he doesn't seem real smart. He is a cutie though. We have spoken on the phone and sent texts over the last few days. We have yet to meet. When I mentioned meeting up tonight, he seemed bothered by the fact that I was only willing to give him a couple of hours. He called me "one of those". He said he doesn't understand the point of the "coffee date". He said that every women he met lately suggested that. I explained that the women wanted to just do a short meet and greet, so that they could get a feel for him without being stuck in a bad date all night. He then told me that if he can have a decent conversation on the phone with someone that he knew he would enjoy a "real date" with them. Needy much? Henceforth, he will be called "Needy".

Wish me luck...

So Ex-Coworker is due to arrive tomorrow night. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet. Guess I'll figure that out when I actually lay eyes on him...heh, I doubt that's all I'll lay on him! Yeah, yeah, I have the humor of a 13 year old boy at times. Lucky him...he will get to hang with my gays for the going away lunch we are having. But we are doing dinner with a lovely couple Sunday night. I'm sure he will like that much better, since it will involve tequila and straight people. I don't think Ex-Coworker is homophobic or anything, but he is definitely a manly man. Thank goodness he is an open-minded one.

Still no word from FWB. I love how he is willing to make something work between us. Oh, and yeah, that was most definitely sarcasm. No word from Coach or Old Friend the last couple days. But I didn't really expect anymore than that. Stalker has become a texting buddy for the time being, I guess. That's about it in my world of dating!

Oh...last night the gays, the other hag, and I went to a special double feature of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Parts 1 and 2. The theater showed Part 1 at 9:00 and Part 2 at midnight. I thought it was rather fun. It is so interesting to see all the people who show up, dressed as the characters for the movies. I saw some very creative ones. I just wish I'd had my camera with me!

Have a fantabulous weekend, Blogland!

Here an ex, there an ex, everywhere an ex

So I finally received a text from FWB yesterday. He told me that he was serious about wanting to actually pursue something more with me. Then, of course, he disappeared after a couple text exchanges. So there are still no answers. I won't believe crap from him until he actually acts on it. If he really wanted more, he would like maybe ask me out or something?! Silly little boys...

Ex-Coworker is scheduled to hit town in the next few days. Again, this is something I will believe when I see it. In the meantime, Old Friend continues to text. He has found yet another part-time gig where he currently lives. He says he has a few irons in the fire in my city. He hopes to be back here working and in school within the next couple of months. Again...silly little boys...

Yo, actions speak so much louder than words! Yeah, it's a cliche, but a very true one!

Sexy Song

Why not a sexy song from country music's sexiest couple?


Faith Hill & Tim McGraw - Lets make love by beni4ka

Sober again

Hey! I'm sober now!! And I'm thinking much more clearly! Not much went on during the weekend. I got a new tattoo. It's a big ass tatt on my back, and it still hurts like a bitch! I heard from Ex-Coworker. It was his birthday yesterday, and now he has decided he wants to visit me as a birthday gift to himself. So it looks like I may have a nice little dick-down coming my way. Can't have him around without doing all that...way too good to pass up!

Btw...I'm horny as all hell, but I'm afraid I've ruined the dick deliveries from Stalker. What the fuck was I thinking??

Yep...I'm still drunk...

so here's a song...



One More Addiction by Natalie Imbruglia

First the good news
It's gonna feel very nice
Then the bad news
You gotta pay a heavy price
Rip tide. We slide we ride on a deep forbidden sea
Under we go - so slow
And you're hanging onto me
And I say

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do

I reject you
But I can't follow through
I'd forget you
But you'd end up tappin' on my back door
Somehow I lost myself in a tunnel long and black
Somewhere. At the end, I pretend
There's a way of turning back

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do

Take a breath
Let it out
All the things you frown about are meaningless,
ofcourse unless, you're doing this for real I guess
I meant to but
I don't know what
Is in the way and could I say
Its you I bet
I won't forget
Maybe I'm not ready yet

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do.

Oh Oh one more addiction in my world
Oh one more connection to let go
Oh floating down the river
Out of sight forever (From my world)
It's the only thing I know how to do.

It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing, the only thing that I
It's the only thing, the only thing that I
It's the only thing I know how to do.
It's the only thing, the only thing that I, know how to do.
'Cause I forget you.